I (33F) started seeing a man (43M). Right from the beginning, he told me he was going through a divorce. I knew he was still living with his wife and that they had a son (I'd rather not say his age, but he's under 10), and they hadn't told him yet that they were separating. Still, he told me he was single.
We agreed to get to know each other and see where things would go. He said he wasn't ready for a serious relationship. During the almost two months we were seeing each other, a lot happened, and it was really wonderful. We'd sit together on park benches, go for walks, have dinner together—the usual things. We'd spend hours talking, kissing, cuddling, and texting (sometimes about sex, but mostly just everyday things). We first slept together after about three weeks. It was amazing, and afterward he texted me saying that what had happened that day was really beautiful, that it had been an incredible way to relax, and that it had filled him with positive energy.
Things kept progressing. We opened up to each other, and in my opinion, it went far beyond flirting or something casual. We were genuinely happy together, and you could tell he felt the same way. One example: we'd spend two hours cuddling and kissing in bed, then he'd get up because he had to leave, only to say, "But I want one more kiss." :)
The only "issue" was that during the third time we had sex, he lost his erection. He told me he had a lot on his mind, couldn't relax, and was nervous about disappointing me. I told him he didn't have to prove anything to me, that I loved being with him, and that we'd just try to help him relax. He sincerely thanked me, and we moved on.
Then, about a week ago, everything changed. He took me out for dinner, and afterward we spent a long time kissing in the car, holding hands, and cuddling (he had no problem getting an erection just from that). Then we went back to my place. We had amazing oral sex, but when we were about to have intercourse, the same thing happened again.
This time, though, he said he didn't feel butterflies in his stomach anymore and that he didn't feel passion or excitement. Right there, in my bed, he ended things with me. It was a huge shock.
The next day we talked, and he opened up completely. He told me that he had been filling out the divorce papers that very day and had cried while doing it. He said he doesn't actually want the divorce, that he desperately wants his wife to come back so they can be a family again. He told me that almost two years ago, she said she didn't love him anymore, didn't want to be with him, and had already been seeing another man for quite some time—but he still hasn't given up hope.
He also told me that he didn't feel the same way with me as he had felt with his wife when they first got together 16 years ago, so he thought there was no point continuing. He didn't change his mind and walked away.
So my question is: was he telling the truth when he implied that he just wasn't attracted to me? Or is the real issue that he was emotionally unavailable because he still wasn't over his marriage?
Thanks for your thoughts.