Husband using dating sites for years and dismissing my feelings

[suzycy34]

So just over a month ago I found out that my husband of 14 years has been on dating pages, looking at girls half his age. He has never met anyone from the sites but its a major trust issue. It has been happening on and off for years. We have 3 young kids.

I have taken it badly feeling down and not sleeping much ever since I found out. He says just forget about it and move on, I want to get something to help me sleep he says you don't need that.

Everytime I try to tell him how its making me feel he just shuts me down , I tell him and he will say things like' forget it' or 'whats for dinner' or just "ok' and then he will start and talk about something else

Just wanted some thoughts on this, thanks in advance for any replies.

He's been on dating sites for years and never dated anyone and you believe that?

I'm sorry OP but no wonder he's closing you down, he doesn't want you to dig any deeper.

I would issue a divorce petition as he seems to think he can treat you like shit. He can respond to your solicitor if he won’t respond to you.

Err find your backbone and leave him.

I don't see how you can get this past this OP.

Basically he has been trying to cheat on you for years. Whether or not he has actually gone through with his desires you will never know.

And now you have found out he is not sorry. And he is refusing to talk about it. And, as you say, he us denyng you your feelings

At the very least you should ask him to leave until he is willing to sit down and have a conversation about his betrayal of you. But personally I feel you will never be able to trust this man who repeatedly is looking for a better option.

I will be digging deeper I need to know everything

Sorry but he’s done a right number on you if you think he’s never met up with (and slept with) anyone. Those sites aren’t for browsing. He’s admitting to the minimum he can get away with and trying to shut you down. He’s a liar and a cheat so ofc you can’t trust him. All you can do is get your head around the reality and decide if you’re staying or going, but don’t kid yourself either way. He does not have your best interests at heart.

He’s shutting you down so you stop asking and he can carry on, wife at home and dating sites on the side.
I would asking for a divorce

He has broken your trust, and this is not recoverable.

You can get divorced now or at some point in the future when your self esteem will have been eroded by his repeated refusal to come clean. I strongly suggest you choose the former.

Why would you think he hasn’t met up with anyone from the dating sites he’s been on for years? Of course he has. It’s most likely a routine and a way of life for him. People who use extra-marital dating sites, and normal ones, tend to do it habitually (it’s addictive) and would only come off if they are caught up in an affair with a person and it’s reasonably committed and intense.
You’ve uncovered the tip of the iceberg, that’s all. And you’ll never get the truth from him.

Some people are perfectly ok with accepting non-monogamy within relationships and accept it, embrace it or turn a blind eye. But if it is a deal breaker for you then act accordingly. He has cheated.

You really don’t. You know he’s a sleazy liar, so just get rid of him.

He’s telling you that he can do whatever he likes, and you aren’t allowed to have feelings about it. You aren’t allowed medication because that would mean he’s hurt you. He expects to be able to do whatever he likes, free of any consequences like hurting you.

You don’t need to dig deeper, this man has been actively cheating on you (or trying and failing), either way he’s not husband material.

Firstly get yourself a health check, its very unlikely he didn't cheat.
He is a liar, he has been lying to you for years, why would you believe what he says now.

You need to leave the slimey fucker now.

And if he hasn't met anyone, it's not for want of trying. If they're half his age, they will think he's gross but he's clearly been trying to meet them.

As PP said, no need to dig deeper. You leave. You and your children deserve better.

you don't need to tell him how it makes you feel. show him. leave him make a new life for yourself and he will then know how it made you feel. these things need consequences.

Dont bother digging deeper, his dismissal of your feelings and the fact that he’s not begging for forgiveness is enough reason to get rid. What a cretin

I wouldn’t be able to get past that personally. Especially as he is shutting you down and minimising the impact this has had on you. Maybe ask him how he would feel if the tables were turned and you were dismissing him?

He sounds so arrogant and treats you horribly. I'm sorry you are being treated that way. I hope you can find a way out of the situation.

Your title is wrong, @suzycy34 - this individual is no longer your husband in any meaningful sense.

What are you going to do to extricate yourself?

Next time ask him if there are any hot men half your age on his dating site as you would like to see what's out there, reassure him you're not going to do anything you just want to look.
See how that goes down.

He's got no respect for you and just isn't very nice really, is he? You don't need to know any more than that to leave him.

What Haa it got to do with him whether you go to see your GP or not? He just doesn't want you to tell anyone else about his behaviour.

What's the point? He's shown you he's an arsehole.