Been with partner 3 years, live together. He’s a very good partner, the best I’ve had, kind, gorgeous, great with my older children, wholesome, healthy, we enjoy the simple things, he doesn’t drink so we walk, eat well, jump in the camer and explore. He’s never once shouted, sworn, been cruel. He’s lovely.
Something is missing, I’m not sure what, he’s literally the fittest thing I’ve ever laid eyes on, sex is great, conversation flows, but it all just seems abit boring someone, I think I’ve always gone for humour over looks. My ex’s (albeit both of them huge twats) made me laugh a lot and that’s how I fell in love with them. However both turned out to be abusive and one ended up in prison for harming me. Hence current very nice and caring partner feels safe.
All this however came to its knees about 4 weeks ago….
A little bit of history he doesn’t drink because he’s in recovery and has been for 9 years now. I’m ok with that I think it’s courageous. He also had a problem with cocaine in his 20s (13 years clean).
A few weeks ago he breaks down and says he has a confession, he visited a brothel. (Fucking shoot me now, I’ve been here before). I tell him to leave, he’s does quietly and very upset.
Weeks have now passed and he’s had to do a lot of soul searching to try and work out his behaviour. In this past month, he’s paid to see psychiatrist, psychologist and been the GP. He says I am the love of his life and he just can’t understand were this self sabotage as come from. He’s been diagnosed with ADHD and CPTSD from childhood trauma (mainly issues around his father’s rejection and mother’s abandonment). Basically he feels unlovable, very low self esteem, his visit was a form of him rejecting me, self harm and sabotage. Because of his now clear mind / moral compass from his time in AA and the 12 steps he had to fess up. He states it wasn’t sex, it was disgusting, he hated himself before, during and after. The whole thing was gross unloving and disgusting. I can believe this.
His mother believes this was a cry for help and that he truly does love me. He’s doing everything a remorseful man should.
I truly believe he’ll never do this again, he’s sticking with the therapy, starting meds and says he’ll forever work on being a better man and healing the inner child stuff.
This is my 3rd long term partner, each of them has cheated. I let the others go instantly however this just feels more complex.
Question is do I stay for a happy quiet life or do I start afresh.
There’s part of me that can imagine growing old with him, that he’ll care for me and my children. But a part of me that thinks is there more out there? Is there better? Or am I holding out for a fairy tale.