Sex on the first date?

[OnceMoreIntoTheBreachDearFriends]

Just that really... looking for people's views on it...

Been talking to someone for a few weeks but hadn't found time to meet up yet. In the meantime things have become quite flirty/suggestive (on both sides, not just him) and obviously haven't sene him IRL but in his photos he is very, very attractive. I don't really know what I'm looking for TBH so if it turned out to be a bit of fun I wouldn't be devastated - although he does indicate he's looking for a relationship.

My longest and most serious relationship was with someone I slept with on the first date but that feels different as we were friends in school and had lost touch for a few years...

I'd probably wait until you're married.

Life is too short… why not. If you fancy each other and he’s a nice bloke go for it!

Why not, and whilst it might be your first in person date, you have been talking already, it not the same as meeting someone at 8.30pm and going back to theirs at 11

I'd probably wait until you're married.

I wouldn't. You might not be sexually compatible.....

Why not? I had sex with DH on our first date, 31 years later we're still very happily married. If it feels right then go for it.

Yes indeedy, so long as you get protection in place

Up to you whether you do or not. I never would in a million years but we are all different.

I personally wouldn’t but I’m old and like to keep them keen for a while.

Sleep with him on first date if you want to, but definitely use a condom. You don’t know where he’s been.

I’m dating at the moment and I personally think it’s a bit of an intimate thing to do when you haven’t even met someone before. This is not a judgement thing from me though. It’s just how I feel. If it feels right when you meet and there is protection in place then go for it!

Nothing wrong with sex on the first date if you fancy him and it feels right. Just use protection

@EmailsaysOOO @Coralsunset condoms already in the drawer in case I ever got lucky again... no risk of pregnancy at least. Think the fact I'm now on testosterone plus the fact I never meet anyone I fancy is having an impact! 😂

Why not? If it feels right, do it!

I look quite good in photos with the aid of Ai. I think wait until you get to know him.

Noone can advise you on this except you.

I couldn’t imagine wanting to sleep with a man on a first date. I just wouldn’t want to, (and also I’d feel dirty sleeping with someone I didn’t know well but that is probably 1970s conditioning coming through.)

If you do, I’d ask myself if I would care if I never saw him again and had slept with him. If genuinely not, then fine. I’d also
take an honest view of my own mental
health and how it might be affected if this thing didn’t work out. My observation has been that people having one night stands generally happened when they weren’t feeling great about themselves, then they felt even less great about themselves. But perhaps that was just my friends. This is also a date rather than a one-night stand so maybe different.

Only you know if you're the type that could enjoy the sex and will have felt happy about it, even if you never hear from him again. But you only mention one ONS, so maybe you would assume no strings would be okay for a chance to bed this hottie, but you bond through the sex and wind up upset if he ghosts you.

The one bad thing of sex on a first date is that there's a risk of safety. Being alone with basically a stranger can be dangerous. I know that once I had a first meet with a guy in a diner whereas he seemed totally normal and I was excited to go on another date. But the 2nd date, also in public, revealed that he was crazy. I thanked God he didn't know my address.

I'll also say that just because any guy says he wants a relationship doesn't mean he does. You have to know a guy longer to see if his actions match his words.

Why don't you know what you want in dating? To me, if I were dating for long term potential, if a person said they didn't know what their dating goals were, for me I'd take a pass on that. But of course, you would match with another guy who said he didn't know what he wants either.

There are more women who have regretted having sex too soon versus women who say they regretted waiting.

If you one day want to date for long term potential, know that guys who start speaking sexually to you before he's even met you is most likely a guy who won't stick around long after the deed is done. Guys who are looking for a serious relationship are patient and will be putting in the effort to get to know all sides of you besides a desire to bed you.

36 yrs married and sex on the first date! (He even gave me a key to his flat within a week).

Entirely your choice as to whether it feels right on the day. (Of course it’s his choice too! But there aren’t that many men who turn it down, as far as I know.)

DH and I didn’t waste time getting down to it on the first date (in context, I had actually vaguely known him for quite a few years prior to that). We are still together 28 years later.

However, with a previous boyfriend, we waited a few months before sleeping together and I have to say, the anticipation was absolutely exquisite- certainly ramped up the sexual tension so when it finally happened, it was pretty immense.

So I think there are pros and cons either way. Certainly you shouldn’t feel you have to wait, but nor should you feel sex is expected of you on the date.

This is a really good point that I hadn’t thought of!

I realise I wouldn’t actually want a man who wanted sex with me on a first date. It would indicate he was shallow and I wouldn’t know where else he had been!

Just to add to some of the posts (and yes that's a good point about being alone which I hadn't thought of either).

It's not that I've never had ONS. In fact quite the opposite - I'm late-diagnosed autistic and had suffered from horrendously low self-esteem in my 20s after an abusive relationship (ironically the one I mentioned above) and I slept around A LOT. Because I confused the physical act with actually wanting to be with me.

I'm asking the question because now I'm completely out of the other side I can see it from a more mature, responsible, perspective. Except this time the tension has already been building via messages and.... wow... is all I can say - I had endometriosis for years and a hysterectomy last year, now I've got my HRT right, started looking after myself better and got slim again I think I'm looking and feeling pretty HOT 😂

Think I’d need to have met IRL first. Need to know a bit more about someone first. Too risky when you don’t know the background these days.

If it feels right on the night, absolutely. Your body will let you know. If not there’s no rush.

I’d say see how the date goes but I do usually wait a bit … from what I remember as been with DH 30 years lol

The expectation for online dating is by the 3rd date rightly or wrongly.
Whether it’s true or not I don’t know, but I’ve heard waiting till the 3rd date means you weed out the ones that just wanted a ONS & can’t be bothered to wait.
If you are happy to never see him again after getting intimate then go for it on the first date.
if you are looking for a relationship then waiting for the 2nd or 3rd date seems more sensible to me.

I wouldn’t, but only because I like to know someone first and have the anticipation and build up. I’ve had a couple of ONS before and they’ve always been rubbish.

I say do what feels right to you.

why would you want to go to bed with a stranger though? He could be a complete weirdo. From a personal safety perspective it seems ridiculous to me. From a dating perspective he likely wouldn’t date you further if you sleep with him on the first date. It would be casual sex for a bit or never see him again. Probably the latter. You’re unlikely to feel ‘hot’ when you don’t see him for dust afterwards.