Sex on the first date?

[OnceMoreIntoTheBreachDearFriends]

Just that really... looking for people's views on it...

Been talking to someone for a few weeks but hadn't found time to meet up yet. In the meantime things have become quite flirty/suggestive (on both sides, not just him) and obviously haven't sene him IRL but in his photos he is very, very attractive. I don't really know what I'm looking for TBH so if it turned out to be a bit of fun I wouldn't be devastated - although he does indicate he's looking for a relationship.

My longest and most serious relationship was with someone I slept with on the first date but that feels different as we were friends in school and had lost touch for a few years...

@ScorpionLioness79 Sorry I missed your question.... I guess it's more about just not having those expectations anymore and just seeing how things go instead of trying to force something to develop. I no longer have a biological clock to work against either!

@Minasama Wouldn't that make me as equally as shallow though for wanting to sleep with him? I'll admit it's been a very long time since I found someone as physically attractive as I do him (well from his photos at least). I have a very specific physical type that not many people match!

Don't know really, your body, your choice...just make sure it's on your terms. If you're content with it ending up as just a bunk up then i suppose you aren't worried about any emotional attachment issues if he's just playing you.

Either go have fun if that's what you want or if you're looking for more maybe keep him hanging a bit, i'd just check he's not married first 😂

As a very cautious person I wouldn’t feel 100% happy alone with a stranger eg country walk, in a boat on a lake etc let alone naked and vulnerable.

I wouldn’t, especially someone I’ve only communicated online/phone. Unless you’re fully prepared it might be one and done.

Ooh good point which I had not thought of. You are clearly not shallow though because you are thinking seriously about this…

Your answer, to me, I interpret as that you not being very hopeful because of past experiences that you'll get your ideal situation, so you'll just wing it and let the cards fall where they may. Like a better than nothing thing.

Try it out if you like, but I think it's a risky way to date. I think you'll find that welcoming guys who want it casual and brief winds up feeling llke a shallow way to live. I know that I find good sex as an ultimate bonus in a relationship, but if it was the only main element, that'd it get old fast without: a guy who cares enough about me to take care of me when I'm sick, cheer me on with my successes, rushes to my aid in emergencies, eases my troubles instead of creating them, enjoys my companionship for meals, etc.

I don't understand your reasoning where forcing something to develop would come into play. The way I did it was to eventually have discussions on if we shared the same dating styles, life goals, ethics. And then to see if he matched my efforts in communication and asking for dates. It's all a wait-and-see attitude where the person reveals what they're all about, whether good or bad, and then you make your decision based upon that. A person's words should match their actions. And then be cognizant if achieving immediate gratification is the wrong path versus delayed gratification. There's no rush!

Anyway, good luck and I'm glad you're feeling good about your body and I hope you enjoy your dating experiences.

I’ve had sex on first and second dates which led to medium and long term relationships (including my now DH), waited for sex on much later dates and had things go nowhere, and a mixture of everything else in between. If I have sex on a first date and then never see them again, then I at least had a nice night in a cool bar talking to an interesting and attractive person and had some sex. Which has gone both ways: I’ve had first date sex with men I knew I wasn’t that interested in seeing again (and didn’t.) I don’t really see it as something to gatekeep, it’s just sex, and if somebody doesn’t want a relationship then that’s the case whether you have sex or not.

I’d meet him in person, he may look nothing like his picture. He maybe catfishinf you. He could be older, balder, fatter, married and no intention of meeting you

so I’d quit the sextingamd meet in person. And if you feel the same then sure. But right now this is a complete stranger.

@Fiendishandfiery We're meeting Saturday night

Ok then if you feel the same have sex. But Only if you won’t be hurt if he doesn’t wish to see you again.

Me too! 30 years married.

I wouldn't but that doesn't mean you shouldn't.

I have no problem with having sex on a first date, however, I personally wouldn't as ages ago I got into a relationship with one chap , who after a few months proceeded to call me a slag because we had sex on our first date. He was a wrongun all round though.

@OnceMoreIntoTheBreachDearFriends. Good for you, that's great you're sorted for contraception..Hope you have a great time 😁

I have had plenty of first date sex. Sex is Important to me, and I don't want to get emotionally attached to someone to find out they're crap in bed.

But I've met some men - we got on well online, and then in person, just no chemistry. So you have to be prepared for that as well. I was really disappointed about one of those in particular because he is a really great bloke - intelligent, educated, interesting, good-looking, fit, but no chemistry.

The best sex of my life has been with someone I had first sex date with, though, and he is now very, very important to me.

No way I would be alone with a man I’d only just met. He could be a psycho.

I recently had sex on a first date. Had been speaking a few weeks leading up to it. I didn’t plan it but one thing lead to another and it just seemed the natural follow on.

However, I had not planned on a night stay over so had to leave and that’s when it got awkward. Massive energy drop and awkwardness on both sides as I quickly got dressed etc… The sex was very good, but it didn’t last long enough. I remembered then why I stopped having ONS in my late teens!

Did see him once more, but then he left after he finished quickly a second time and I thought really good sex that doesn’t last long isn’t something I’m prepared to accept.

When I look back on it now I don’t regret it but that’s only because I wasn’t that invested in him but he did have a great dick, so I am sad about that - and that he can’t last 😂

This exact thing happened to me, slept with an ex on the first date then was called a slag by him for it 🤦‍♀️

Slept with a guy on a first date, married him and he’s asleep next to me now 16 years later.

it’s completely hit and miss. Could be a huge mistake (did that plenty), could be the best thing ever. There’s no way to know.

Personally I wouldn't, though I'd never judge anyone, man or woman, who does. I'd just want to get to know someone and would prefer someone happy to wait.

it's been a very long time since I found someone as physically attractive as I do him (well from his photos at least).

Ah right. You haven't met in real life yet.

So, he could have pulled those photos from a male model catalogue or somewhere.

Just go on the date and see how you feel about him 'in real life'.

I hope you are not disappointed.

I personally wouldn't with someone I've only been talking to briefly but only because I've had good first dates with men who turned out to be total creeps on the second and I would neither want them knowing where I lived nor being stuck in their house with them.

If it was someone I knew before then I think it depends on what feels right to you on the date.

You can't decide in advance - depends how you get on on when you meet up! If you have rapport, then why not? Life is short.

Good luck with the date.

I wouldn't, no.

Sometimes first dates are amazing....then by the third, you end up with the ICK. I'd then feel creeped out if I'd already slept with him...

...I also think building the sexual chemistry for a while is better, as well as getting to know them properly.

I've never slept with men early on, and I'm really glad of that because that would have been too many icky regrets to think of lol

Absolutely never. I'd have to be in an exclusive relationship with someone with serious feelings to have sex.
It's the most physically intimate you can be with another person, i couldn't ever date someone who'd had one night stands, or casual sex outside of relationships. It cheapens the whole connection of sex to do that.