Struggling with intimacy when I feel overwhelmed by work and housework

[BeGreyWriter]

Husband is tired of me not initiating alone time or being intimate. He said it’s very concerning.

I haven’t been feeling great this week. I’ve felt off and just generally can’t cope with the mess and disorder in my home. Have two kids, they’re great but they make a fair bit of mess. As any kid would. My issue is that it’s just left there. It doesn’t get cleaned until I do it. It seems the tidying of anything waits for me. Putting the dishes on, getting the washing in and out, putting the clothes away, clearing the table after breakfast once I’m finished work. Little things.

for context. My husband works full time but only half the year. I work full time from home. Where it feels like I’m working and doing the housekeeping at the same time. I start work at 8am. My husband sometimes wouldn’t wake until 10am, so the kids naturally wake up early and I’m having to work and deal with them at the same time. It gets to me. Cause it’s affecting my work.

while working, i make breakfast lunch and dinner. Get the clothes ready for the day including his. Clean all the spaces that needs cleaning:

I can’t function in a wrecked place. It does something to my mood and my brain. I can’t cope.

I’ve asked him to help me to alleviate the load and I won’t be as tired. He said he’s the provider and we all have our roles.

i don’t voice out my feelings to him anymore cause im afraid of how he’s gonna mansplain or fix it or tell me to get a grip and pull myself together.

hed like me to be more intimate and to initiate sex, how does one feel like having sex after all of this? Am I just not coping or am I being a b!atch? I don’t go out with friends anymore. He doesn’t drink so we don’t do anything like that. Am I doomed?

Of course he does. He’s not doing any actual parenting, so he can be the fun clown with them. He’s not making sure they’re clean and healthy and have done their homework etc., he can just be the fun, Disney dad while you run yourself ragged.

Another useless husband. Stop putting his clothes out, for a start! I’ve never heard of someone doing that for their husband.

As others have said, he’s not the provider if you’re also working full time. He’s delusional.

He said he’s the provider and we all have our roles? His role in my life would be to f right off. Don't let this become the norm because life is long and mad marriages are real.

No wonder you're not feeling any urge for intimacy. I think my primal urge would be to strangle him in this situation.

He won't change, men like this never do. You can talk at him until you're blue in the face, but he's the sort of man who thinks woman are their carer/sex slave/cook/housekeeper.

Total wanker. I'd leave him.

He's trying it on pretty hard with the whole 'roles' idea. If he wants his 'role' to be the provider then he needs to be bringing enough income that you don't need to work at all. My response to him would be that you're knackered from having to do his 'role' as well as yours because he isn't doing it properly.

Then I'd leave him.

This sums it up perfectly. Men dont realise how off putting it is when they behave like a child. No one normsl wants to shag a manchild. Its not your job to service his every need. He doesnt provide ypu have to work. He either changes or....

You don’t need a therapist, you need to sit him down and tell him he has two choices. He either picks up half of everything (childcare, housework etc…) and stays married OR he can pick up half of everything when he has the kids 50/50 and be unmarried. From your POV you’d do less if he wasn’t around so you’re in a very strong position. Don’t put up with this though. It’s absolute bollucks and so far from what a partnership should be.

I’m honestly surprised you sleep with at all. My legs would be clamped shut if I had a husband like this!

Your husband is lazy though no doubt would deny that.

Get someone in to clean.

"He said he’s the provider and we all have our roles" 🤮

In not surprised you don't want to be intimate with him op I think my nether region would have sealed over after a comment like that.

Your husband sounds like a twat who's using you essentially as a servant.

If he's mansplaining you etc it actually sounds like he's gaslighting you so he's keeping all responsibility on you because he KNOWS he should be doing more.

Personally op I think he's showing you clearly who he is and I would be making my plans to leave. He's showing your children that this is what relationships should look like for women and its a very toxic model for them to be growing up around.

He’s the provider? Cool, when are you quitting your job 🙄

Tell him you aren’t attracted to a man who acts like a child. So until he starts acting like an adult and doing his share of chores it is what it is. How are you meant to have the energy? If you worked out of the house where would the kids go?

Tell him to go fuck himself... Jobs done then! You deserve better 💐