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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

ABUSIVE AND READY TO LEAVE UPDATE

30 replies

Aplcdone · 13/07/2026 18:43

Hey guys, I don’t know if you remember me I posted last year, I can’t remember exactly when but I was looking for advice etc on leaving my relationship where I was emotionally being abused, I thought I would update you all……. I LEFT!
I did carry on till early this year, but unfortunately it just got worse and worse, accusations again, being called a fat C**t, saying not nice things about my child, I was lazy, then if I didn’t want to do something for him he would threaten me with the relationship that it would be over, and after all that the final straw was bringing my child into it, I decided enough was enough and that was that! I did do a Clare’s law also and actually had them turn up at my work with info and everything clicked and fell into place! So I actually have my peace back now guys, and if anyone wants to chat please pm me if you are struggling to, as some people said just block and end it which is all being well but it wasn’t just that easy, but the main thing is it’s done and I am some what free now 🙂 hope everyone is well!

OP posts:
Stillso · 13/07/2026 18:47

The police turned up at your place of work re your Claire’s law application? How did they even know where you worked?

scoobysnaxx · 13/07/2026 18:47

Well done you! Peace at last. Well done for protecting yourself and your DC. What did Clare’s law reveal?

Aplcdone · 13/07/2026 18:48

Stillso · 13/07/2026 18:47

The police turned up at your place of work re your Claire’s law application? How did they even know where you worked?

Because they called me as they had been to my home address and I wasn’t there, so they kept calling and I answered it and they asked to come to my work!

OP posts:
Aplcdone · 13/07/2026 18:48

scoobysnaxx · 13/07/2026 18:47

Well done you! Peace at last. Well done for protecting yourself and your DC. What did Clare’s law reveal?

You’re not able to disclose what they say, but everything fell into place for me! And thank you 🙏

OP posts:
Stillso · 13/07/2026 18:53

scoobysnaxx · 13/07/2026 18:47

Well done you! Peace at last. Well done for protecting yourself and your DC. What did Clare’s law reveal?

You aren’t asking this are you??

scoobysnaxx · 13/07/2026 18:55

Stillso · 13/07/2026 18:53

You aren’t asking this are you??

No specific details obviously!

Stillso · 13/07/2026 19:10

scoobysnaxx · 13/07/2026 18:55

No specific details obviously!

Any detail would be against the submission rules

scoobysnaxx · 13/07/2026 20:15

On a completely anonymous forum?

scoobysnaxx · 13/07/2026 20:16

Revealing absolutely no identifying information for either party?

Stillso · 13/07/2026 20:37

Yes, and thankfully the op knows that

whippersnapper55 · 13/07/2026 20:39

Well done! I'm so glad that you left and are safe and happy 😊

Aplcdone · 13/07/2026 20:40

Stillso · 13/07/2026 20:37

Yes, and thankfully the op knows that

I do know cause once they start declaring to you what they need to tell you, you are then being recorded saying you understand that it can’t go any further and if you do it is an offence to do so! 🙂

OP posts:
Stillso · 13/07/2026 20:47

Aplcdone · 13/07/2026 20:40

I do know cause once they start declaring to you what they need to tell you, you are then being recorded saying you understand that it can’t go any further and if you do it is an offence to do so! 🙂

Exactly
take heed @scoobysnaxx

scoobysnaxx · 13/07/2026 21:15

It was literally just a question. I have zero personal experience with Clare’s law thank god.

GottaBeStrong · 13/07/2026 21:40

scoobysnaxx · 13/07/2026 21:15

It was literally just a question. I have zero personal experience with Clare’s law thank god.

The Clare's Law disclosure will have been in relation to a prior history of domestic abuse, violence, coercive and controlling behaviour. So you can imagine from that what the disclosure about a partner would be regarding.

Then put this into the context of being in a relationship with that person (and having your child around them) and having no knowledge of that prior history. The abusive partner has intentionally hidden that information from them for the entirety of their relationship.

For the current intimate partner who is seeking this information as part of making sense of what they are currently experiencing, it can be pivotal to feeling fully able to exit the situation and to stay no-contact. It provides validation that it is not just them who has been targeted and that this is who the abusive person is and that they will not change.

OP - well done. I am always so heartened to hear people return to say they have managed to safely extract themselves and their children from these situations.

Stillso · 13/07/2026 21:42

scoobysnaxx · 13/07/2026 21:15

It was literally just a question. I have zero personal experience with Clare’s law thank god.

But the op had said she couldn’t
and you pushed it

scoobysnaxx · 13/07/2026 23:06

Stillso · 13/07/2026 21:42

But the op had said she couldn’t
and you pushed it

I didn’t push is what on earth are you on about???
I queried if sharing very vague details was still disallowed even completely anonymously. Don’t be so bloody ridiculous.

movingmovingmovingish · 13/07/2026 23:09

Well done OP welcome to your new life 🩷🙏Xx

MsMcGonagall · 13/07/2026 23:14

Really glad you got out safely

Aplcdone · 13/07/2026 23:22

Thank you guys me too, it’s been a roller coaster of emotions but I am happy and I won’t tolerate to being disrespected, controlled and made to feel bad for having a say again 🙂 x

OP posts:
TheClocksFast · 13/07/2026 23:48

This is really fantastic news. x

Stillso · 14/07/2026 06:29

scoobysnaxx · 13/07/2026 23:06

I didn’t push is what on earth are you on about???
I queried if sharing very vague details was still disallowed even completely anonymously. Don’t be so bloody ridiculous.

You did 🤷‍♀️

Stillso · 14/07/2026 06:30

Since you split… how’s things been? Did he accept the split? No drama?

Aplcdone · 14/07/2026 06:48

Stillso · 14/07/2026 06:30

Since you split… how’s things been? Did he accept the split? No drama?

There was always going to be a drama but was finally accepted 🙂

OP posts:
INeedAnotherName · 14/07/2026 07:35

Congratulations OP! Long live "the peace" Flowers

Thank god for Clare's Law, it's been amazing to see how it can stop the gaslighting and self blaming for so many women who post on here.