if your dh/dp's family ring to speak to them and you answer the phone, do they speak to you?

[wannaBe]

If mil rings to speak to dh and i answer the phone we always have quite a long chat. However, SIL has just called to dh and I answered the phone and the conversation went like this:

sil: "oh hello it's xxx"

me: "oh hiya how's you?"

sil: "am ok, is xx (dh) there?".

Ibu in being slightly put out that considering I have been with her brother for 13 years, and married for 9, "hello" is as much as she can bring herself to say to me?

no, i'd be put out too!

maybe she doesn't like you? Or its urgent? Or she urgently doesn't like you?

Yes mine do. They probably want to speak to me as much as him anyway. I have a very good relationship with my inlaws though.

I don't expect a full on conversation with dp's relatives every time they ring or anything, but an exchange of pleasantries should take place at the very least!

Gawd yes. In fact DP was out the other night and I had a loooong and delightful gossip with his brother.

My sil is the same, in fact she has started phoning him on his mobile to avoid contact with me! Drives me mad too!

You'd probably think I was rude . I am not good at small talk at all, including to people in DH's family.

I don't really like using the phone at all much, so once I have called to speak to one person I get all flustered when it is someone else - it really isn't anything personal.

Yes. Infact MIl rang earlier and I answered the phone. MIl spoke to me, and not at all to DH tonight. My parents will do same with DH too. And either of us will call them too. I speak with BIl and SIL plenty too, and Dh speaks with my brother and sister if they call her as well. My sister is a solicitor practsing in same area of law as DH so they often have lengthy conversations, quite often with my having no knowledge of the call taking place until a while afterwards.

To be fair though I have been with DH 18 years now, since we were 16yo. My sister has known DH since she was 7yo and has grown up with him around. Similarly BIL was 13y when I met him.

Every time EMIL rings and I answer the phone, she says, "Oh It's you, where is DS? Has he been in an accident?!", gradually getting louder on each word. I don't think she's grasped the concept that I'm her sons wife, therefore I live in the same house.
Loon.

I don't see the problem other than she forgot to ask how you were too.

sil: "oh hello it's xxx"

me: "oh hiya how's you?"

sil: "OK, how are you?"

me: "oh I'm fine, we're all fine "

sil: "that's great NOW is xx (dh) there?".

See that's better, but just longer......

my in-laws dont speak to me if i answer the phone to them they just ask is dh there. my bil used to talk to me but since he got together with his new partner, (its because i have known bil for the last 14yrs, and she doesnt like to be remembered that he has a past, and that i know his past and his past gf's and ex-wife) so now he doesnt speak to me.

Unless it was something v specific & which you couldn't help with (eg. BIL rang the other night to discuss something to do with old family photos with dh) then it's a bit odd!

Even then you'd expect to do a bit of smalltalk (kids, work, weather, blah blah) before one of you said 'Actually I need to speak to X about...'

oh I'm fairly sure she doesn't like me.

She was bridesmaid at my wedding, I didn't even get an invite to her hen weekend.

She/dh/bil have each other's mobile/home numbers. I don't have any of their's (well dh's I have obviously) and they don't have mine.

and it wasn't anything specific - she just rang for a chat.

me and Mil speak often. In fact sometimes she will ring me in the middle of the day to help her with her computer! and then we go off on a tangent and talk about all sorts.

Maybe she just wanted to speak to her brother. Sorry, just don't get what the issue is unless its part of a pattern of behaviour. Agree it was perhaps a little rude not to ask how you were but some people are just rubbish on the phone. If you wanted to force the issue you could have said - yes, I'll just get him , so SIL been up to anything interesting...while waiting for DH to arrive.

My SILs phone often, sometimes they'll chat to me before/after sometimes not. No offence taken either way.

oh, God yes.

I am not a phone person, but MIL is quite happy to witter on to anyone really. She'll jabber away at me for half an hour or so, and then tell DH exactly the same stuff.

wannabe, can we swap MILs?

MIL witters on to me endlessly and usually has forgotten why she has rung by the time I get her over to DH.

BIL does exactly what you have said your SIL does... hello, how are you, here's DSis. I take no offence since I have rung to speak to DSis anyhow.

FIL is very brief on the phone so if he gets me will usually just say 'Can you tell DH (whatever it is)...Bye'. Lucky to get more than a sentence out of him.

And my DH wouldn't even dream of answering the phone to any of my family (we have that caller ID thing). He just isn't a phone person.

My PIL never call our home phone - only dh's mobile so they can avoid having to be civil to me.

When my parents call they gabble on at dh for ages, it's funny watching him trying to get off the phone

I always chat to MIL, if she phones. One time recently I had a long nattter with her and then said I'd get dh for her. "Ooh, don't bother with that, dear," she said "He never tells me anything interesting, I prefer to talk to you."

As you can imagine, I informed dh of his mother's words with great relish!

My PIL never call our home phone - only dP's mobile - I hope this is not so they can avoid having to be civil to me

I'm hoping this will change after DC1 arrives... it's annoying having to rely on DP for info as he's a bloke and never asks any of the right questions, or any questions at all, or seems to tell them anything. In fact, what does he do on the phone?!

varies hugely:

fil - I try very hard to exercise my pyscic powers to detect that it's him calling so as to not answer the phone . he's a lovely guy but I kind of find phone chats with him a bit tedious.

sil 1 - she never phones for a chat - she phones for a reason. if the reason is careers' advice it's me she wants to speak to. if it's money it's dh.

sil 2 - never phones. ever.

I wish my SIL would just ask for DH straightaway.

She can ramble somewhat.

no my in laws don't shoot the shit with meo n thephone - which is fine, it used tobother me - and i used to complain to my nan - and god bless her she has much conversation if dh picks up - and he doesn't partic want speak to her - because he doesnt really get irate about such issues