Bizarre dirty talk

[Ajc198]

Hi

My partner of 5 years has suddenly started asking me questions during sex.

It started off by him asking how many men I'd slept with and then moved on to how many of them had cum in me.

It seems to really turn him on.

Hes always embarrassed afterwards and doesn't ask or talk about it any other time. But he has said he likes the idea of me having sex prior to meeting him.

Has any one had any similar experiences and can help me understand why he likes this and what it means?

Im not opposed to it but never really sure what to say.

It sounds like he is watching porn and has developed a cuckold fetish

MY OPINION ON THIS...YUCK! some men are disgusting, does he watch corn? how disgusting. Also ... no respect for you and him having such an intimate moment together. He should be ashamed, and I would dump him immediately!

Would that not mean he wants me to have sex with other men?

Because he certainly does not want that.

He often gets me to say that I am just for him, but didn't used to be.

He says it makes it more intimate as he knows I have chosen to be with him.

Its not every time we have sex.

I have no idea if he watches porn. We have 3 children so doubt he has time.

If you know the reasons and don't mind why are you asking us 😂

I don’t see a problem with this or find it yucky. It’s just a harmless fantasy, and it’s quite nice that it centres you imo. I like to think about my DH being with women before me sometimes but I definitely don’t want it to happen in real life!

If you're wanting a genuine conversation about how to respond in the moment, the sex board would be better than Relationships.

Can I get this moved onto that bored?

I really want some genuine help here. Its easy to brush these things off, but I would like to hear other female (and male) opinions on this to help me understand my partners reason for finding this a turn on.

I agreew with @ faithfultoGeorgeMichael

Sounds like something learned from porn

You can report your own post and ask MN to move it to the Sex topic for the experts to reply.

Cuckolding is about him deriving pleasure from the thought of you being with other men. It doesn't make him gay but, a big part of it is about how these other men feel when they are with you. How they covet you but at the end if the day, you are his. So it's arguably very man centred and somewhat homoromantic.

I wouldn't like it as potentially its seeing you as a possession to be passed around. It's the sort of fantasy I would worry would lead him to start suggesting that you invite in another person to the bedroom in some way shape or form. And if he takes pleasure from the thought of other man's lust...It could well be there is some hidden homosexual leanings too.

Sounds like a pretty harmless and fairly common fantasy to me. Lots of men like the idea of their partner having sex with other men, and it doesn’t necessarily mean he actually wants you to do it. He probably doesn’t at all. For some men, it’s just a general turn-on, and for some the whole thing is about knowing that the partner has chosen to be with him rather than anyone else she might have slept with in the past.

As always, if any man ever wants or says or fantasises about anything in bed other than missionary with the lights out in silence twice a week, Mumsnet will just shout “EW, BECAUSE PORN”, as if nobody ever had sexual fantasies or wanted a varied sex before the internet. 🙄

If you’re turned off by it or it makes you uncomfortable, obviously you need to tell him that, though, because of course you shouldn’t have to put up with things you don’t enjoy.

Maybe tell him the sort of things you would like to hear him say in bed? But if you are going to tell him, I don’t think it will help to suggest his fairly ordinary fantasies are ‘bizarre’, especially if he already feels embarrassed. I think you just need to talk openly about what does/doesn’t work for you both, without judgement.

And if he takes pleasure from the thought of other man's lust...It could well be there is some hidden homosexual leanings too.

LOL. That’s such nonsense.

This seems to be a fairly standard fantasy you’ve been with other men the really wanted you/ now you’re all his/he’s the best/the only one etc.

I don’t think it’s bizarre and likely has nothing to
do with porn (I’m not a fan of porn) it makes him feel good that you’ve chosen him. As the youth say “it’s not that deep”

The vipers are talking bollocks here.

If you want decent responses try the sex board.

I have never thought about it being homoerotic or anything like that?

He has said he like that not many men have been with me and he asks how many whilst we have sex. I down play the true number.

Gosh, I am now a bit concerned. We have an adventurous sex life and he enjoys me using butt plugs on him and feeding him his pre cum.

Hes also cum in me / on me and liked it off. But I've never questioned his sexuality.

We've discussed threesomes agreed they are not for us as we would be jealous.

Watch corn 🤣 sorry the typo got me

Even if you consider it to be veering from plain vanilla sex (which some might not even), what you're describing is 0% homoerotic.

We're all weird in our own little ways! Perhaps he likes the fact he's one of only a few men, perhaps he likes the idea he's not the only man, perhaps he likes that you've chosen him or only he is allowed to cum inside you, or he likes you feeling shy about answering him... who knows, you'll have to ask him to get to the core of why this is erotic for him... or just accept that he finds it sexy and indulge him, so long as it doesn't bother you of course!

I think it is good that he trusts you enough to say whatever quirky little thoughts do it for in in the heat of the moment (recognising that it doesn't actually mean he wants to see you with other men, sleep with other men or any of the other daft ideas here!).

If you want to dig deeper, next time enquire afterwards why he likes asking you that or if would turn him on more if you were answer differently?

This makes sense. He does say he trusts me and has done more with me than anyone previously.

I know he really loves me to. And he always says how lucky he feels to have me and that I turn him on all the time.

He has a high sex drive and I think these kinks help him express this.

Thanks for the replies.

I feel I have to say, I am happy to indulge his fantasies. I just don't fully understand them.

I am a bit shy when he asks me these things. Any tips of what I can say to him without him having to ask? Or how I can build on his fantasy?

Sounds like my ex, turned out he was bi after 20 years of pretending to be straight.

What similar things did your ex do?

Im certain my partner is not bi and he has only been with women in the past.

Are these signs of bi tendencies or is he just comfortable with me and able to express himself?

No, fantasies are just about imagination and fantasy. That’s all. If you’re ok with it, fine. If you’re not, then tell him. 😉

Well that’s polar opposite to my partner who hates the fact that I used to have sex with other men before I met him and I need to pretend like it never happened 😑 it’s an absolute taboo. Men are seriously weird 😑

Was going to suggest the sex board - no it’s not for everyone but fetishes between consenting adults are neither disgusting, yucky or disrespectful.

You will always attract the vanilla pearl clutchers on here who I’m sure never have sex when not creating a child and only then if a sheet is held between each party and then everyone is hosed down with bleach after.

It’s a big step that he has opened up about this with you as he clearly still has reservations (not talking about outside of sex).

Honesty and openness in your sex life will be the best way forward, if you’re ok with what he likes then why not. It’s nobody else’s business what you do in your own bedroom.