Strange chance meeting with friend, what to think?

[Genuinelyataloss]

Would be keen to hear MN views on something strange that happened with a friend two weeks ago that I keep turning over in my mind.

We'd just been to a gig with my husband and three kids and were walking home, when we caught up, on a fairly busy stretch of London pavement, with a good friend of ours, who was walking in the same direction as us. We all called out to him, and as he turned around, it became apparent only in that moment that he was in fact with a woman, who was not his wife and whom we'd never seen before. He sort of acknowledged my husband but completely blanked the other four, introduced him to the woman and then swerved off and crossed the road with her.

On the face of it, a bit of a nothing burger, right? But if it really was nothing, why not stay and chat?

He's not been in touch to offer an explanation or acknowledge the weirdness, which I guess is entirely to be expected.

I'm due to see them both tomorrow, and I just feel somehow funny. Would welcome your thoughts!

Someone told my husband that I was cheating on him. I wasn't. When we got the full story. He'd seen me with my brother.

When you see them tomorrow just say
‘how funny we bumped into you last night with a friend. Where had you guys been?’

Let him do the talking.

The blank name thing could be real. I’ve literally done this before!

Your friend might be really upset if she finds out you knew and didn't say anything. You are in an awkward position for sure whatever you do.

Were they holding hands? Arm in arm? Otherwise they could be friends or relatives. People caught doing something wrong will generally tend to over explain, so his casual and off hand approach lends itself more to this being no big deal. He's probably not given it a second thought.

But by not mentioning it at all they are already making the assumption it's an affair that shouldn't be mentioned. Rather than jumping to conclusions they could just bring it up and he might say "sorry about yesterday, my sister and I were going to see this movie and we were already so bloody late. I didn't mean to run out on you like this". There could be a multitude of innocent explanations. By not saying a word it will just remain in their minds that he is most likely having an affair that they are now aware of. The wife probably isn't. I would think this would mar any get together forever now.

It sounds like there was nothing in their behaviour that suggested a relationship - they weren’t holding hands or anything? So, but for his weird response to encountering you and your family, it could well be nothing. Just a night out with a friend.

So it’s his response. Which does sound odd.

Could they have been in a rush? Bursting for the loo? Just had a disagreement? One of them just received some bad news?

I don’t know, I kind of think if you’re having an affair and out in public with the person you are having an affair with then you have to expect these encounters and be ready to act “normal”?!

Agree re raising it with him, maybe in a gentle “is everything ok/you seemed out of sorts” way.

It the OP doesn’t ‘know’ anything of the kind. She simply saw him walking down a busy London street with a woman, and thought his manner seemed off when they hailed him. The only ‘suspicious’ thing was him not introducing her to the OP and the children, only to the OP’s DH, and there are other, perfectly possible explanations for that.

He and this woman weren’t mauling one another behind a bus shelter or sneaking out of a hotel rezipping and buttoning their clothes.

There's some overactive imaginations on mn.

Sounds like you’re jealous to me

Calm down! The OP was responding to another poster who was suggesting she confront him tomorrow.

Because people judge it’s not something many people would broadcast

my friends brother and sister in law are swingers a lot of people had a lot to say about that and none of it positive

so I can see exactly why people keep it to there selves

Is there usually moments when you're alone with the wife? I would casually talk about the concert and then mention how it was such a funny coincidence to run into her husband with his friend. I feel like that woild genuinely come up in casual conversation.

She can do what she wants with the info. She can ask more questions or not. It is not making any assumptions. That is not stirring anything. It is not embarrassing her and it won't let him start anything.

😂I'm feeling many things, definitely, but this, I can guarantee, is not in the mix.

I can totally see how this would be the preferred course of action for lots of people, for both sharer and sharee. But I personally would hate this kind of indirect manoeuvre and so definitely can't do it.

I am friends with a few couples in open relationships.

In one case, one partner has told me about it but the other hasn't (I've seen them separately). I've tried to open up opportunities for them to tell me but they haven't and become a bit flustered and evasive when I asked them something that could possibly relate to it (eg what are you up to this weekend?).

Same. It's really manipulative and calculated. It could also be shit stirring for no good reason.

🤣🤣🤣

He was clearly totally freaked out by bumping into your entire family. His reaction was spur of the moment indeed by not introducing you he protected you I think in some weird way from actually meeting this woman there’s something going on but your old friends you’re very good friends. I’m sure you and your husband will be able to speak to him privately.

Seriously?

Hes probably having an affair and you mouthing off is going to sink him

You know it

So why ask on here?

To make yourself feel righteous ?

So you caught him, hes been caught, let him work it out and keep quiet, none of your business

Don't leave his wife to be a fool.
Loudly ask a question in front of his wife.

Fancy seeing you out on Saturday evening. Did you and your work mate/sister enjoy the meal?

I think he will cancel the meet up and you will have your answer. Look, with the kids involved and the potential for them saying something to their kids I think it would be best to get in first. Imagine if his wife heard this from her own child rather than you (assuming there is something untoward going on). I think I would message the wife in advance and mention it, in a 'looking forward to seeing you tomorrow, don't know if Dave told you but we randomly ran into him after we were at X gig a few nights ago' sort of way. It puts it on the table and gives her a chance to ask questions prior to the meet up if she didn't know he was there.

I couldn't not say anything infront of his wife. If I was the wife id want to know, but it's a tricky situation op. What has your husband said about it ? Has he arrived at the same conclusion as you 🤔

How did it go when you all met up again?

You say yiu were walking home. Does this friend also live in that part of London? I ask because if he were going to cheat and he has the whole of London to play with, it would be odd for him to shit on his own doorstep like that

Oh for God sake, just don't say anything. It's not your business.