Strange chance meeting with friend, what to think?

[Genuinelyataloss]

Would be keen to hear MN views on something strange that happened with a friend two weeks ago that I keep turning over in my mind.

We'd just been to a gig with my husband and three kids and were walking home, when we caught up, on a fairly busy stretch of London pavement, with a good friend of ours, who was walking in the same direction as us. We all called out to him, and as he turned around, it became apparent only in that moment that he was in fact with a woman, who was not his wife and whom we'd never seen before. He sort of acknowledged my husband but completely blanked the other four, introduced him to the woman and then swerved off and crossed the road with her.

On the face of it, a bit of a nothing burger, right? But if it really was nothing, why not stay and chat?

He's not been in touch to offer an explanation or acknowledge the weirdness, which I guess is entirely to be expected.

I'm due to see them both tomorrow, and I just feel somehow funny. Would welcome your thoughts!

Simply ask him in a chatty way while his wife is present if he enjoyed the concert. Perfectly normal and acceptable question. Job done.

I had the exact same thought. 😀

If I was the wife, I would much more appreciate the OP having a word in private with me.
If he is having an affair how humiliating would it be for the OP to start loudly making comments.
That would be very hurtful.

Well you cannot be that naive surely? Obviously he has something going on with this woman. Stay out of it as it won’t end well. If you don’t think you can keep your mouth shut then I would suggest not going to the dinner.

100% do not do that. How awful for the wife. Either go and do not say anything or make an excuse not to go: the only time I would mention it to the woman is if she was an extremely close friend. Otherwise it is none of my business.

If this were my friend I would message him directly, saying ‘who was the lady you were with yesterday’.

Always do the right and honest thing in life. If he is a friend just ask him outright and say you thought it odd the way he acted. The discomfort should not sit with you & your family it is his to own. If its nothing & he is a friend he will laugh it off. If you were in his wifes shoes and she is your friend and you know and say nothing, then you are truly not a good friend, what would you want for your daughter and how would you expect your daughters friends to treat her ?

But @Genuinelyataloss said that her husband was introduced the woman.
who was she op?

“He's not been in touch to offer an explanation or acknowledge the weirdness, which I guess is entirely to be expected.”

How entitled. It’s absolutely none of your business.

Only introduced very quickly by name, no other information provided.

We've never seen her, met her or heard her name mentioned in conversation, though other friends do feature quite often, as you'd expect.

Obviously don’t ask him for an explanation. He’ll just lie. It’s the wife that you should be contacting.

Personally I wouldn’t be able to have an easy conscience if I ignored it or lapped up a lie from him as an explanation.

I think you've misunderstood what I wrote.

I'd say nothing because if it blows up which I've seen you'll be daubed as the villain by mutual friends. Unfair I know

I'd just go for a head on "funny seeing you the other day, had you been at the concert too?" or similar, in front of his wife, followed up with "who was it you were with?". It might be the woman was an old friend, family member, colleague or similar and his wife knew all about it. Or it's an affair and she didn't know he was there in which case she can ask him about what he was doing.

Bloody hell op. He was a man with a woman. Now you’ve told your kids to ‘keep a secret that their friends dad is having an affair.’ Way to go…..

That's not quite it...

It was a good friend acting strange and flustered with a woman. Could be nothing, could be something.

The kids came up with the interpretation on their own, being teens and already reasonably well versed in the ways of the world. We've just counselled them against sharing it as a joke or bit of harmless-seeming gossip with their friends or anyone else, as we don't know what's happened.

Who did he say the woman was when he introduced her to your husband?

This is spot on, all this talk on this thread about people in open relationships.How many actualy are?
The man seemed to want to ignore you,only speaking to your husband? Wanted to get away quickly, from you all.
Smells fishy to me.

i think it is more likely that the woman he was with doesn’t know he is married and he was afraid that she would find out. Definitely suspicious behaviour.

I actually kicked off the speculation myself, given what I know about their circumstances.

This couple have been under immense, sustained pressure for years, and it is not outside the realm of possibility that, due to the nature of that pressure, they might have chosen to deal with it by leading these slightly separate lives, which they are also doing in other areas, with hobbies etc.

But on the whole, I am entirely contemptuous of "open" relationships and "polyamoury" etc.

If they had both agreed on an open relationship then he wouldn't try to keep another woman a secret in that way
unless they want to keep that information private as much as possible.

It could be a affair.
It could be entirely innocent and he got flustered because he thinks it loos like an affair and id he starts trying to explain it comes across as suspicious.
It couks be he was in a mood and didnt want to be botheredwith you all.
Who knows?
In your shoes, I would let it go and mind my own buisness. I dont want to be drawn into other people's drama, especially if I have'nt got my facts right.

I’d have to ask for my friend’s sake. I also wouldn’t be involving my DC in any subterfuge! One of them, full of teenage righteous indignation, would probably be very likely to call out Uncle Affair the next time she saw him anyway - oh, Uncle A, why didn’t you speak to us when we saw you with that lady after the X concert? We not good enough for you now, then?! I’d ask straight out if he’d been at the show with his mate, in front of his wife. Or I’d tell her privately you’d met him and it was all a bit odd as he'd blanked you and you wondered if you’d done anything to upset him. It will all come out. Typical affair behaviour.

I already said that she shouldn’t do it loudly. Why would it be more humiliating to speak assuming there is no affair than to speak assuming there might be an affair?

It's giving Coldplay concert.

Also, if it wasn’t suspicious, you’d go out of your way to introduce everyone. So by not doing that and trying to run away, you’re indicating that it is. I work at the same place as my brother. Sometimes we go for lunch. Sometimes colleagues see me at lunch with a man who is not my DH. I always introduce him just to be clear it’s nothing untoward!