Strange chance meeting with friend, what to think?

[Genuinelyataloss]

Would be keen to hear MN views on something strange that happened with a friend two weeks ago that I keep turning over in my mind.

We'd just been to a gig with my husband and three kids and were walking home, when we caught up, on a fairly busy stretch of London pavement, with a good friend of ours, who was walking in the same direction as us. We all called out to him, and as he turned around, it became apparent only in that moment that he was in fact with a woman, who was not his wife and whom we'd never seen before. He sort of acknowledged my husband but completely blanked the other four, introduced him to the woman and then swerved off and crossed the road with her.

On the face of it, a bit of a nothing burger, right? But if it really was nothing, why not stay and chat?

He's not been in touch to offer an explanation or acknowledge the weirdness, which I guess is entirely to be expected.

I'm due to see them both tomorrow, and I just feel somehow funny. Would welcome your thoughts!

Minus the jumbotron, obvs.

Or am I the jumbotron in this analogy? 😁

Don't get involved!

Do you always have main character syndrome, OP?

I'm amazed at all the people suggesting this is none of your business when one of your good friends is potentially cheating on your other really good friend. Of course you're going to be concerned.

I wouldn't suggest to him in any way that you think he's having an affair by messaging him as it could be innocent.

What I would do is say in front of the wife, 'Oh x lovely to see you, you rushed off very quick when we saw you the other day, were you off to do something nice?'. Then you can see how he reacts. I wouldn't push it any further in case it embarrasses the wife, but i would want to see how he handles it. Assume it's innocent and see what he says.

I was responding to several people who were suggesting that he could be in an open relationship and saying it's far more likely he is having an illicit liaison. I wasn't giving any advice or opinion to the OP at all.

This is what I was going to suggest.

Be innocently naive. Perfectly normal to bring up a funny coincidental meeting with a friend in front of their wife.

'oh Janet, did Dave tell you we ran into him in London. I couldn't believe it!?'

If you wanted to be more overt you could mention the other women

'We didn't get a proper introduction to you friend did you have to be somewhere?'

. Don't make any accusations just let the wife know what happened and she will make her own conclusions. If they are having problems or he lied about where he was it will be a red flag to her and she can come to you for more if she wants to. Don't make yourself the bad guy.

Awkward one...I wouldn't blurt it out in front of his wife ... but if she does know and they're both seeing other people would she question why you didn't mention it to her as a friend.
Speak to the hubby on his own ask him then make a decision if its behind your friends back she needs to know.

It's a bit self-centred of you to focus on the fact that he ignored you and your children. He obviously felt awkward at the encounter, muttered something and scuttled off. Perfectly normal (albeit suspicious) human behaviour. He's either up to no good, or knew it looked like he was up to no good but didn't want to explain in the moment, or ever because its none of your business.

I wouldn't be demanding explanations or making pointed comments. If it was innocent then hopefully he will explain and you can have a laugh about it. Or perhaps his wife will confide in you at some point about a suspected affair when it might then be appropriate to share this information in a supportive way. Until then I would follow the very wise counsel you gave to your children.

Well I think it's obvious he wasn't supposed to be with her.

But why would you be hurt that he hasn't raised it with you? In all honesty it's normal (such as these things can be called normal) to try to sweep it under the carpet.

I hadn’t said this on my post because it would be quite outing but the more I post it would be really obvious to anyone involved who I am and that I’m talking about them but basically it wasn’t some provincial station - this was a huge London main line station where it isn’t uncommon to bump into people randomly. Even though this bloke happened to actually live near us and apparently she lived on the line too. So we were on the train with them all the way back. It didn’t so much occur to us they were going back to his at the time (but they did, because he lived right by the station and we watched them cross the road and go to his - having pretended to get a cab up the hill for her.)

If I was with someone who wasn't my husband I would instantly feel the need to introduce him and explain, eg "this is my work colleague Martin. We've just been to a leaving do for Bob" or whatever and stand and have a brief chat

If I was doing something dodgy, on the other hand, I'd be a bit flustered and make a quick getaway.

So it seems obvious to me that he'd been caught out doing something he shouldn't.

As others have said, maybe speak to/message him before meeting to see how the land lies.

Is that a fair question?

I mean, I guess I'm the main character on this thread and in my messages because I'm the one driving the conversation.

I certainly don't see myself as the main character in the wider scenario I'm describing though. "Hapless bystander" would be more accurate!

But I'm definitely an unsettled and conflicted friend. And extremely grateful to all the strangers who are helpfully sharing their views. I don't know if you've ever turned to Mumsnet for anything (it's my first post!) but it's honestly really nice to hear the different perspectives and experiences and in complete anonymity too.

No, it's not a fair question, it's a dig from someone who doesn't understand friendship. Ignore it.

I think you need to ask yourself what you would do about it if you definitely knew it was an affair, and then work back from there.

the moment you all saw him, it was unleashed and you didn't do the unleashing.....

How fucking embarrasing for the wife.
I would hate to find out about my partners affair in this way with all eyes on me. (if indeed it is an affair)
Would you really put a friend of yours through the indignity of that?

Mind your own business.

I would assume he’s up to no good. He ignored you and the kids because he knew you would see straight through him and he was embarrassed. He spoke to your husband because he had no choice and he was the safest option. I can’t really think of an innocent explanation for his behaviour.

Well if she’s more your friend than he is, I would have her back.

I would say something like “who was that woman you were at Coldplay with? Sorry I didn’t catch her name “

Nothing to hide, nothing to fear surely?

I would say nothing. It could be innocent, or an affair, or an open relationship. Why do you need to know?

As someone who was in an open relationship for several years, many people don’t understand and judge people in them, so it’s easier to keep that aspect of life private. Our philosophy was don’t apologise or explain.

It could go a number of ways:

1. The man cancels the meet-up.
2. He calls your husband prior to seeing you both, and offers an explanation.
3. Doesn't say a word, hoping to breeze through the meet-up without you or your husband saying anything.

Yes, on the surface the fact he muttered an introduction to your husband and scuttled off, is suspicious. However, you don't know your friend's marriage or the ins and outs of their relationship. You have no real proof that he's cheating, just circumstances. Of course he could be having an affair but equally he might not be.

If you think it's going to be too awkward, then your husband needs to take the bull by the horns, and ask his friend who this woman is!!

I wonder if the 'friend' will be unavailable on short notice tomorrow...

Just forget about it . It’s none of your business.

Exactly.

I would not touch it with a barge pole - leave them to sort out their own business.

Just imagine if he said actually that was my oncologist but I’ m coping privately and didn’t want anyone else to know ( touch wood for him thats not the reason). For goodness sake he doesn’t owe you sn explanation.