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Original poster

Strange chance meeting with friend, what to think?

211 replies

Genuinelyataloss · 23/04/2026 10:18

Would be keen to hear MN views on something strange that happened with a friend two weeks ago that I keep turning over in my mind.

We'd just been to a gig with my husband and three kids and were walking home, when we caught up, on a fairly busy stretch of London pavement, with a good friend of ours, who was walking in the same direction as us. We all called out to him, and as he turned around, it became apparent only in that moment that he was in fact with a woman, who was not his wife and whom we'd never seen before. He sort of acknowledged my husband but completely blanked the other four, introduced him to the woman and then swerved off and crossed the road with her.

On the face of it, a bit of a nothing burger, right? But if it really was nothing, why not stay and chat?

He's not been in touch to offer an explanation or acknowledge the weirdness, which I guess is entirely to be expected.

I'm due to see them both tomorrow, and I just feel somehow funny. Would welcome your thoughts!

OP posts:
NoYouCantComeToTheWedding · 23/04/2026 10:22

Well I would be very loudly and obviously asking him tomorrow if he enjoyed his evening out! And saying wasn't it funny bumping into him like that, next time you must introduce me to your friend as well.

mondaytosunday · 23/04/2026 10:23

Well it seems he was very embarrassed to be ‘caught’ and made a hurried intro and then high tailed it out of there. When you say ‘both of them’ do you mean this man and his wife or this other woman?

TFImBackIn · 23/04/2026 10:26

It sounds as though he was somewhere he shouldn't have been with someone he shouldn't have been with. I wouldn't be surprised if he contacted your husband ahead of your next meeting.

Original poster
Genuinelyataloss · 23/04/2026 10:30

NoYouCantComeToTheWedding · 23/04/2026 10:22

Well I would be very loudly and obviously asking him tomorrow if he enjoyed his evening out! And saying wasn't it funny bumping into him like that, next time you must introduce me to your friend as well.

Thank you! I genuinely wish I had your chutzpah!

Would you do this even if it risks hurting and embarrassing his wife who will be there too?

I definitely feel a bit of anger towards him and would in some ways like to take him to task, but is he accountable to me? Do I have the right to confront?

Another consideration is that their marriage has been under a fair bit of strain for some time because of a couple of very stressful, very long term things going on in their lives, so it is possible that they are seeing other people by mutual agreement but haven't declared it to friends. Though they do very much socialise as a couple.

OP posts:
Original poster
Genuinelyataloss · 23/04/2026 10:31

mondaytosunday · 23/04/2026 10:23

Well it seems he was very embarrassed to be ‘caught’ and made a hurried intro and then high tailed it out of there. When you say ‘both of them’ do you mean this man and his wife or this other woman?

Sorry, that was unclear, husband plus wife.

I've no idea who the other woman was, we've never met her or even heard her name mentioned.

OP posts:
Irridescence · 23/04/2026 10:31

How did he introduce her to your husband?

FancyExpert · 23/04/2026 10:33

I personally would leave it up to him to volunteer any further information in regard to the mystery woman. It could've been anybody. I'm sure he will though, perhaps just to clear the air. If he doesn't, well it might be something he wants to hide. In that case, its best to leave alone.

Original poster
Genuinelyataloss · 23/04/2026 10:33

TFImBackIn · 23/04/2026 10:26

It sounds as though he was somewhere he shouldn't have been with someone he shouldn't have been with. I wouldn't be surprised if he contacted your husband ahead of your next meeting.

I'm extremely, extremely surprised (and maybe a bit hurt almost?) that he hasn't!

OP posts:
TFImBackIn · 23/04/2026 10:36

If they had both agreed on an open relationship then he wouldn't try to keep another woman a secret in that way.

somburd · 23/04/2026 10:37

I would imagine if there's any hanky panky going on he will be looking for a reason now to cancel tomorrow. If he does then there's your answer - he was up to no good.

Original poster
Genuinelyataloss · 23/04/2026 10:37

Irridescence · 23/04/2026 10:31

How did he introduce her to your husband?

With evident hesitation, in a kind of mumbled fluster. 😅

"Ah, umm, er, yes, X, this is Y." And then bolted without a backward glance.

OP posts:
Eddielizzard · 23/04/2026 10:39

Incredibly rude to ignore you and the kids. I don't think I'd say anything, but I would be on the cool side... See if he offers you an explanation.

Volpini · 23/04/2026 10:40

I was in a similar situation about 15 years ago.
on the way home, waiting for train saw someone we knew who was in a relationship with our friend and they were about to exchange on a property and move in together. A bit like you, we saw he was with a woman shortly before he saw us and we felt they sprang apart when they saw us (didn’t know her.)
It was dodgy as hell and I lost a night’s sleep over whether to tell my friend but - because I hadn’t actually caught him bang to rights - I decided not to say anything as I didn’t have any evidence however certain we both were that it was sketchy.
About a month later, my friend called me. It had all come to light he’d been seeing this woman (who was married) and HE ACTUALLY SAID when trying to deny it “ring Volpini, she saw us on blah blah date and didn’t think anything of it.”
Slippery git.
I told my friend how much I’d agonised over it and why in the end I didn’t torpedo her life as I didn’t have any clear proof. She actually thanked me for being so discreet and she said it had been the right thing to do. They finally did break up.
In this instance, I think I might do the same thing.

sammylady37 · 23/04/2026 10:43

I definitely feel a bit of anger towards him and would in some ways like to take him to task, but is he accountable to me? Do I have the right to confront?

Wtf? Anger based on your assumptions that he was up to no good. But as you acknowledge, you’ve no idea if he and his wife are now in an open relationship, and given the difficulties they’ve been having, they may well be in an arrangement that they simply haven’t confided in you about.

As for is he accountable to me? - err, no, he’s not. Why would he be? You’re neither his spouse nor his boss. There’s more than a touch of main character syndrome about even thinking he might be and that this is your battle to fight, especially when you are missing lots of info.

Original poster
Genuinelyataloss · 23/04/2026 10:44

Eddielizzard · 23/04/2026 10:39

Incredibly rude to ignore you and the kids. I don't think I'd say anything, but I would be on the cool side... See if he offers you an explanation.

This is an excellent idea, thank you, and exactly what I'm going to do.

It will be very obvious, as we usually have a very warm and friendly relationship.

OP posts:
somburd · 23/04/2026 10:45

If he does turn up I would be tempted to speak to him privately and casually and ask if he had been at the theatre, dinner etc when you saw him . His reaction will give you a good idea.

Original poster
Genuinelyataloss · 23/04/2026 10:54

sammylady37 · 23/04/2026 10:43

I definitely feel a bit of anger towards him and would in some ways like to take him to task, but is he accountable to me? Do I have the right to confront?

Wtf? Anger based on your assumptions that he was up to no good. But as you acknowledge, you’ve no idea if he and his wife are now in an open relationship, and given the difficulties they’ve been having, they may well be in an arrangement that they simply haven’t confided in you about.

As for is he accountable to me? - err, no, he’s not. Why would he be? You’re neither his spouse nor his boss. There’s more than a touch of main character syndrome about even thinking he might be and that this is your battle to fight, especially when you are missing lots of info.

There's no fight here at all. Just a strange encounter with a good friend that has left me feeling a little bit confused, a little bit sad and, based on the not entirely unreasonable but so far unsubstantiated assumption that all is not above board, maybe a little angry too.

The accountability comment was actually in reference to another poster who suggested asking him directly about the meeting/"friend". I was just reflecting on that idea.

Ultimately, if I was the wife in a scenario like this, I personally would want openness, whatever form that might take. But as @Volpini's example shows, life is complicated and direct action is not always the best course of action.

OP posts:
Endofyear · 23/04/2026 11:00

I wouldn't raise it in front of your friend but if the opportunity arose to speak to him on his own, I would ask him directly who his 'friend' was that you saw him with the other night and why he seemed so shifty.

Indianajet · 23/04/2026 11:02

Keep out of it.

Original poster
Genuinelyataloss · 23/04/2026 11:07

Endofyear · 23/04/2026 11:00

I wouldn't raise it in front of your friend but if the opportunity arose to speak to him on his own, I would ask him directly who his 'friend' was that you saw him with the other night and why he seemed so shifty.

Edited

Thank you, that's a good idea. Simple and direct is best.

OP posts:
moderate · 23/04/2026 11:10

Genuinelyataloss · 23/04/2026 10:30

Thank you! I genuinely wish I had your chutzpah!

Would you do this even if it risks hurting and embarrassing his wife who will be there too?

I definitely feel a bit of anger towards him and would in some ways like to take him to task, but is he accountable to me? Do I have the right to confront?

Another consideration is that their marriage has been under a fair bit of strain for some time because of a couple of very stressful, very long term things going on in their lives, so it is possible that they are seeing other people by mutual agreement but haven't declared it to friends. Though they do very much socialise as a couple.

Show quote history

If there is a mutual agreement, then @NoYouCantComeToTheWedding’s suggestion in the very first reply is fine, as long as you don’t ham it up, because you’re not making an accusation.

MyFellowScroller · 23/04/2026 11:13

I definitely feel a bit of anger towards him and would in some ways like to take him to task, but is he accountable to me? Do I have the right to confront?
You answered your own question there OP it really isn't your responsibility for several reasons. It ain't your marriage, and you have no proof of anything. Further you have no right to seek proof.
Be a good friend to them both without bias is the very best you can do at this stage.

Dollymylove · 23/04/2026 11:14
  1. hes with a woman who isnt his wife
  2. hes acting shifty Conclusion: he's slipping the woman a length. Pretty obvious imho 😉
Forty85 · 23/04/2026 11:17

If I was out with a man who wasn't my husband and bumped into friends and it was innocent, I'd say oh this is my colleague/friend/dhs brother etc and stay and chat. I think not doing that and not talking makes it highly suspicious.

One of you should message him before tomorrow and say "Hi x, just wanted to touch base before tomorrow after bumping into you in the evening a couple of weeks ago with the family. We were all a bit perplexed at how quickly you rushed off and that you didn't introduce us to the female companion you had, it maybe isn't what it appeared but thought I'd message before tomoro as don't want any awkwardness? "

Volpini · 23/04/2026 11:19

Also, in our situation, whilst DH and I knew the male partner (we had all 4 of us worked together at the same company for a while) I didn’t consider the guy my friend. I didn’t dislike him before this, but she was my friend even though I had actually worked in the same team as him for a while. I also felt he was trying to gaslight me that evening that nothing was going on and I didn’t bite. If I had had a really strong friendship with him, I think I would have been in contact soon after to ask what in the name of hell was going on. I felt he was being slippery in this instance and I didn’t trust him to be honest even if I had asked him.
In your case I think I might ask given the friendship with him. Not in front of the wife though and probably not at dinner. I wonder if he may suddenly be ill tomorrow? How close are you to the wife? Is he the closer friend than her (a reverse of my situation?)