Strange chance meeting with friend, what to think?

[Genuinelyataloss]

Would be keen to hear MN views on something strange that happened with a friend two weeks ago that I keep turning over in my mind.

We'd just been to a gig with my husband and three kids and were walking home, when we caught up, on a fairly busy stretch of London pavement, with a good friend of ours, who was walking in the same direction as us. We all called out to him, and as he turned around, it became apparent only in that moment that he was in fact with a woman, who was not his wife and whom we'd never seen before. He sort of acknowledged my husband but completely blanked the other four, introduced him to the woman and then swerved off and crossed the road with her.

On the face of it, a bit of a nothing burger, right? But if it really was nothing, why not stay and chat?

He's not been in touch to offer an explanation or acknowledge the weirdness, which I guess is entirely to be expected.

I'm due to see them both tomorrow, and I just feel somehow funny. Would welcome your thoughts!

Where do you live that an oncologist makes house calls and goes for walks with patients?

OpI would casually bring it up.

I’m taken aback that there are people who go out of their way to explain to colleagues/friends who it is they are with if it’s a man other than their husband, lest it be thought they’re having an affair. Do people actually do that? Do your colleagues and friends think that little of you that they think you’re likely to have an affair? Do you assume men and women can’t be friends? I wouldn’t feel I owe colleagues or friends an explanation or context of who someone is if I had just casually bumped into them. “This is my friend John” should suffice, I’ve no intention of pandering to or appeasing anyone else’s nosiness or suspicious nature.

I’m meeting a friend for lunch tomorrow. When we meet we will greet each other with a hug and a kiss. We’ll laugh a lot, be deep in conversation and linger probably two hours over lunch. There’s nothing going on between us, we’ve known each other nearly 20 years and are simply friends. If a colleague walked past the table and stopped, I’d introduce him as my friend John, and that would be it. If they want to assume the worst and cast aspersions on me, that’s up to them and says more about them than me, tbh.

Well if you go out with this couple it could be a little uncomfortable. The wife could be completely cuckold and totally unaware of her husband's shenanigans and you'll both have to play dumb. There has to be some honesty if you are meeting them as a couple. I think your husband should have a quiet word with this fella and the truth needs to be told. Maybe you should postpone arrangements seeing them together until there's some clarity, it might be perfectly explanable but doesnt sound it...hes been caught out!!!!, . You dont want the lid to come off the can in you and your husband presence.

I once saw a friend with someone in similar circumstances. I made it known, why wouldn’t I? Surely he wasn’t doing anything he shouldn’t, and if he was I wasn’t lying for him.

They split, he was shagging around.

It's probably the wrong thing but I couldn't ignore it. I would probably claim ignorance and just approach it as if it was an innocent encounter and just say "it was nice running into you and Sylvia/didn't catch the name of your friend yesterday. Did you go to the same gig?"
If it's innocent, he'll just answer and if it's not, he'll come up with some bs and you move on with the conversation and leave it be.
If I found out my husband had an affair and really close friends met her but never said a word, I would feel wholeheartedly betrayed by all because whether you intend to or not you have picked sides. You may see it differently of course, so put yourself in the wife 's shoes and do whatever you would want your friends to do if they were in the same situation.

this. I agree its not something to raise in public, and yes there may be innocent possibilities, including an open marriage but, at worst case the wife is at least going to need the opportunity to get tested. I agree that it might be best to kick off with getting your DH to speak to him, but surely it can't stop there? There is also the issue of your children to consider, and what you are modelling to them, as well as being SURE that they won't speak of it if you choose to do nothing. I mean even the best of teens lack judgement sometimes or fail in self control?

this too.

It’s an extreme example and yes I actually have bumped into my consultant dr on a day out in my city believe it or not. What I mean is it’s none of anyone’s business whatever the reason and meddling can cause harm.

and doing nothing can do harm too.

I also wouldn't pull the husband aside on the sly. What is he meant to say? "Yes, it's an affair. Don't tell Nancy." In which case, what do you do now? If he says it's nothing, then it's either true, in which case it shouldn't be a problem to mention, or he is lying in which case you are still in a shitty position. To me, the only way forward is to approach it with both presen as if it was an innocent encounter, like I mentioned above.

If his wife was a really close friend ( as in my childhood ones) or my sister I’d just tell them and it’s then up to them what they do. Otherwise I’d keep my nose out.

Oh ignore all these “perfect” people who wouldn’t bat an eyelid at being rudely blanked by a supposed friend.

It was weird and I would struggle with it too. I’d be a bit defensive of someone my kids liked blanking them literally calling his name!

I would have to go the route of “it was nice to meet xx the other day, you seemed in a hurry, did you do exciting nice after we saw you?” And then a “cool, How do you know each other”

Yes, I wouldn’t think I needed to offer any explanation for being out at night with a male friend. I go for dinner or drinks or to a film or play or whatever with male friends — it wouldn’t occur to me to think anyone was leaping to the conclusion I was shagging them. I mean, if they do, that’s them being weird.

Definitely do not be passive aggressive or weird about it.

By complete coincidence, these 2 things have happened to me in last 24h-

Sitting in a cafe at work and colleague walks by, I have 10 mins before meeting so invite him to sit down. Ask how he is, how is his wife as we work together - and suddenly his face changes and he says "actually we're getting divorced" - at that precise, exact instant someone else I know pauses by my table and says "Johnny!" .... I did nicely move them along quite fast.

This evening, walking back to my car and run into a completely different colleague who mentions she has just been evicted from the rental house she is in, clearly deeply stressed. We stand to one side chatting and I am trying to be comforting when a work friend walks by - I smiled but also clearly used body language to show I didn't want a chat right then.

In either situation, had I been a socially awkward person I might have handled a bit differently.

but then surely you wouldn't blank a friend and their kids and hustle off? I agree that it needs careful handling and no conclusion jumping.

Like I said up the thread, if I’d blanked on names, when I encountered someone unexpectedly, I would!

and if thats the case then no harm will be done by mentioning it

Similar happened to me once, ran into an old friend who we hadn't seen for a year or so. We had lost touch when him and his wife had a baby and moved out of the city. He was walking round the shops with a different woman and we sort of made small talk and then moved on thinking that was a bit strange. He later emailed my husband to say he had split up with his wife and she had taken the baby and gone home (we live overseas). Quite the bombshell!

It's not the "out at night with female friend" that is on my mind though. This friend regularly meets up with our mutual female friends for stuff, that part is unremarkable.

It's the fluster and the blanking and the hasty departure that's odd.

Honestly OP just MYOB. What do you hope to achieve by outing him apart from perhaps satisfying your curiosity? The truth will likely emerge with time anyway

I’d say stay out of it. It’s not your business really

amazed at the number of people saying stay out of it. Wouldn't you want to know if your partner was cheating?

It’s no one’s business but his own.

I agree, I would cringe to witness an opening like that with such an obvious dig.

I agree with this.