Tinder - what am I doing wrong?

[KittyFanesParasol]

Tinder keeps:

Showing me people who are outside my distance length

Matching me with people who I DEFINITELY have not matched with (have 3-4 deal breakers in terms of photos and they keep coming up as a match).

No-one has access to my account
I have put my settings NOT to show me others if outside my distance range (keep checking it and it remains on distance I chose).

Honestly, the last bloke looked like 90 yo Goth who smoked crack.

Do you have too many filters on?

Sorry, but I had to laugh at:

"Honestly, the last bloke looked like 90 yo Goth who smoked crack."

Maybe you should block the ones who have your deal-breakers. Check out Jennie Young from Burned Haystack, that's what she recommends so that women don't waste their time with the dregs on OLD.

Ooh that's exciting! I will, thank you.

(Are you seriously telling me I can filter out men in hi-vis/photos taken in a loo, with bonus points for visible urinal/ men scowling into a camera with a double chin/men in black tie/men who use the profile to slate their ex and use the curious lack of self awareness term "not here to play games"/ pictures of four men holding pints/ holding a fish - wtf- /photo with two dangly earrings/facial tattoos and those really weird cars that somehow created themselves a dating profile?)

BRILLIANT!

😂😂😂

Maybe not filter them out, but if you block, you'll never have to see those particular ones again. Eventually you've "burned the haystack", leaving only the needles :)

I've found some of those outside my age or distance filters have "liked me" and thats why they show up in my "list". Not always, bit often.

When you run out of matches, Tinder will show you Leo le further out regardless of your settings. I had a couple of rogue matches which I absolutely don't remember myself. No explanation for that one but just know that you are not alone.

Are you a free or premium user? If free, the algos sort of use your settings as a broad guideline rather than eliminating anyone who doesn’t fit within them exactly, it’s ultimately how they encourage you into paying, so that you get a better stack.

People travelling within your area but living outside of it can also show up.
Tinder distances are notoriously worse than other apps.
Just delete any matches you don’t remember and be very selective on who you swipe right on. You need to include on your list:
Upchin photos
Photos taken in bed
Teenagers lying about their age to pull a MILF (whilst probably having no idea what to do with said MILF)
Guys with only one bad photo and have added it 7 times for impact. Not the kind they want. Sometimes they add a cat photo at the end to spice it up. It doesn’t help.
Best of luck!

Some great advice here, thank you all!

@LadyFeatheringtonsTea I raise you photos taken so far up the nose I can see their (lack of) brain and yes, trying to look (unintentionally hilariously) seductive in bed. A consistent fail.

Ooh, and photos taken flexing in the gym. Ick.

Tempted to copy this to Dadsnet tbh.

I raise you the huge overweight hirsute pensioner laying ‘seductively’ in a bubble bath holding a can of Stella.

Still have nightmares to this day 😂

On and 79 year old 5’3 Barry who was a dead ringer for Dobbys older more wizened brother who had been left in direct sunlight with a raging hangover who told 50 something me we were a 10/10 perfect match and ‘age is just a number’

Then got abusive after a polite no but wish you well

Is Tinder even the app you want to use? From my understanding, these days its purely used for casual hookups.

It can't 'match you' unless you swipe right, that is impossible. By matches I think you mean 'options' like men showing up in your feed right? It does this if you have your filters too tight and there isn't anyone is your range. You need to expand either your distance range or age group. It will show you out of range and age when there is no one appropriate for your filter settings. Get paid then you can see everyone who has already liked you and just pick through.

@LadyFeatheringtonsTea , OK, you win ! Ugh!

@Inmyuggs , wonder if that might be the problem? Interesting...

@DeepRubySwan They are definitely matches. And there's no way I would have swiped right on several!

The platform, meh, it's OK and I have met some reasonably nice men not just after hookups. That said, I'm very open to other suggestions of you have any!

I've tried paid sites and they weren't much better.

If he was in a Lycra cycling club kit then I’ve had him too - told me at my age (late 40s) I should be grateful he swiped on me! 😂😂

Sorry OP @KittyFanesParasol but this

”Honestly, the last bloke looked like 90 yo Goth who smoked crack.”

made me burst out laughing!

I’ve never been on Tinder and don't know anything about it so am of no help re: your issue but thanks for making me laugh this morning.

No, that was 15 years ago when Tinder was just starting. It's been a pretty regular dating app for a while now. You can even filter for "long term relationship" when searching. Met my previous long-term partner on Tinder.

Thanks for the clarification. I have never used the apps, just going by what I heard. Obviously old intel, very old! haha

Just seen a profile that initially looked good. At the end of the profile he "warned" that any messages not replied to within 24 hours would be blocked.

Honey, you ain't that cute.

Yes, any guy instructing women how to be or act should be blocked. It's called Disciplinary/Directive on BH and it's the top most toxic rhetorical pattern. It signals a man who thinks he's the boss of women at best and hates women at worst.

It's always been used as that by men. I think there statistics on apps generally is that 2/3rds of people on there and looking aren't even single.

I didn’t even know people still used Tinder for serious dating. Not heard of it for years.

I’ll raise you the 5’5” guy who sent a raging abusive message at me telling me I was stuck up for not answering him (within 3 hrs!) and clearly I wasn’t interested cos he was short and women like me always think they are superior rah rah.

I hadn’t even seen it and I may have gone out with him - even though I’m 5’10”z Not after that tantrum!

Thinking about dipping toe in once divorce is through

so what apps /groups do people recommend

and what is the price if pay ? Monthly or one off yearly