How would you feel if

[TheRareHare]

How would you feel or do if you partner of years with whom you have a child both lied about his ethnicity the entire time? My partner lied about his ethnicity the whole relationship saying he’s half Italian but he did not have Italian in him at all.

I don’t tolerate lies so I would end the relationship. I ended my first marriage for far less.

It is a bit odd. Why did he lie about it? Was it relevant to your decision to be with him? Was it a silly joke he didn’t know how to get out of? Does it show that he’s lied about other significant things also or have you been able to test those and be assured that they’re true? I suppose it’s things like these i would consider before deciding what to do about it.

I struggle to see how you could get to this point and not know. You must have suspected something. If you met his family for example, it should have been obvious.

I suspect there is more to be drip fed on this. Italian is a nationality, not an ethnicity. Is he Romanian or something similar, pretending to be Itailian? Or Swiss, French ? Any Romance language nation. ?

All EU nations of course. So why lie.

Or is it a Mike from Dagenham, who lied on the first date and kept it going ?

So you never met his parents then? Surely that would have been a bit of a clue.

If someone told me they were half Italian, I would assume that means taht one of their parents are Italian. So surely this is something you'd figure out pretty quickly - when you met his parents, or in general discussion about his childhood etc. It's hard to understand how someone could be half Italian and you could accept this for many years without working out it's not true?

Did he make up a silly voice like Baldwin’s wife who pretended she was Spanish? 😂

Did he think he was and find out through DNA testing or was he just lying because who knows why?

Batter him with a packet of uncooked spaghetti then ltb.

I'm surprised it didn't come up as a lie before because anyone half Italian would speak the language and surely he'd speak about his family and visits to the country etc.

I guess it's not that harmful it's just odd. But Italians have a very strong bond to their culture and are very family focussed in my experience, long after they've moved to the UK. So if there was no evidence of it I'd have been suspicious.

Was he bullied for his actual ethnicity as a kid so said Italian to explain his darker appearance? To avoid racism? Or he simply thought Italians sounded sexy and glamorous? I would ask him why he chose to say it.

Oh sorry I got ethnicity and nationally mixed up, but honestly no I didn’t really suspect anything as he said it was from his dad and he has no contact with his dad at all as he doesn’t like the way he’s treated him so I haven’t met his dads side. My family had said too me he’s not Italian and they could see it but I didn’t think much of it. He said his dad is Italian and he’s got St Lucian in him but then I had found out from his sisters social media that they’re half Bengali and she had even told me they are. I brought it up and he said he doesn’t associate with his dads side so doesn’t claim he’s from there

So what's the story here? I guess there's more to it. Did he say he was half Italian to sound more interesting when you first met and, once you'd become an item, he didn't have the nerve to tell you the truth? Is he a fantasist in any other areas? How did you find out?

I wonder if the claim is Italian American.

Most Italian Americans have never actually been to Italy. Probably.

Yep I had asked him and he isn’t contact with his dads side and how his dads side are racist towards white people anyways which what I am and said he doesn’t associate with that side so doesn’t claim that country and don’t know why. I had found this all out from his sister so I would’ve never really known if it wasn’t on his sisters social media. I really thought my daughter also had Italian in her this whole time but turns out no

I have met his mum but not his dad who he doesn’t have contact with and he claimed his dads side was Italian when infact they’re Bengali

So is his surname Shikdar or Moratti? Should be a clue there…

So I found this out from his sister as I asked her because I had seen she had a Bengali flag in her bio on her social media flag. He said he doesn’t claim his dads side, I’ve never seen his dads side and he said his dad family was Italian and St Lucian in the past our whole relationship

Nope he’s got his mums surname and not his dads so I would’ve never guessed and his mums English and spanish

Had you met (and had conversations with) his mum and siblings before you chose him to be the father of your child? (If you’d have married him, you would’ve met his family at the wedding.)

Hmm. Very weird. I guess I'd be concerned he was dishonest about other things. There could have been abuse from his dad's side of the family if he doesn't speak to them? But it doesn't really explain alleging you're Italian.

Do you think he has a bad view about Bengali people? Or that he fears other people do?

I have known a fair number of Italians, and a fair number of Indians.

I have never been confused over who is who.

My DD is mixed race, looks wise she could pass for her mums nationality or mine, but as soon as she talked it would be obvious she was not a third nationality, from a totally different culture than either of us.

Sorry OP but this thread ( and your drip feed ) gets weirder and weirder.

there are now four nationalities/ethnicities, English, Italian, Bengali and Spanish…

so you’ve never met his dad, fair enough, but surely whilst talking with his mum his dad/dads background would have been brought up? I cannot not fathom why it wouldn’t be given you have a child with your partner of many years.

i feel as though there is a little more drip feeding to come…!

So his sister has a Bengali flag on socials and his mother is of English and Spanish heritage? He says his Dad's side were St Lucian and Italian but he doesn't speak to his dad and you don't know that side of the family. Is that correct? It's all pretty complicated OP. No wonder he's confused!

I used to work with an Italian woman about 30 years ago who once told me that she'd been subjected to racist verbal abuse from people in the street calling her a fucking P... so it does happen.

My DD is mixed race (half Arabic, half white). My ex insisted on her having an Italian/Spanish sounding name in the hope that she wouldn’t face the same racism that he does.