How would you feel if

[TheRareHare]

How would you feel or do if you partner of years with whom you have a child both lied about his ethnicity the entire time? My partner lied about his ethnicity the whole relationship saying he’s half Italian but he did not have Italian in him at all.

I don't get it - he says he 'doesn't take his dad's side', yet he's been telling you all along that he's half Italian? It can't be both?

It's all pretty immaterial anyway - he is who he is, the nationality of his parents is of little significance. And it certainly doesn't affect your daughter's identity.

More important is the reason behind the lie, and whether this is just one little white lie or he's compulsively dishonest. Diid he says it because it's what you wanted to hear? Because you seem to be more upset about it being untrue than the actual lieing.

Have you never seen his birth certificate? Usually they list the city where the parents are born.

Or the OPs own child's birth certificate.

Just for the record, where someone is born will not be the only or even the most important determinant of their claim to citizenship. That usually comes from their parents’ citizenship

Does he have a valid passport ?

If you are truly not put off by his lies and fantasies, you might start from his citizenship. What he claims as his cultural heritage and what citizenship he is entitled to claim can be very different than things.

Fair enough.

So how is someone claiming to be something they are not prevent racism in the street?

That would have been National Front back then ? Not the brightest were they.

It looks like he invented this story as he had rejected has father's nationality due to what he claims was racism against white people. You could always find out more by speaking to his mum and sister and see there is more to it? What's odd is that you would have thought he'd have chosen Spanish instead of ltalian as his mum is half Spanish. I can see why he might have created this fantasy but l'd be concerned about what other lies he might have told you.

Yeah that is correct. When I did ask him he said because he doesn’t associate with his dads side at all and said he was Italian because his mums ex boyfriend is Italian so he’s claimed to be Italian this whole time and the St Lucian side he said was because he lived with his friends family before who were St Lucian so he claimed to be St Lucian also which I just find strange really and don’t understand why he’d lie about that

It’s not really about the nationality itself, it’s the fact he deliberately created a false identity and kept it up for years. That kind of lie makes me question what else he’s capable of lying about. It’s not a little white lie when it changes how you see a person and what you believe about your own family background

I think you’re right that there’s probably a story behind it but the thing is he never gave me that honesty. He just let me believe something completely untrue for years

He said his dad’s side was Italian and St Lucian but he doesn’t have contact with them so I’ve never met them before. I didn’t suspect anything because everything he said was consistent he never slipped up or gave me a reason to question it. He always always told me just to be honest in this relationship as he’s always an honest person he says. I only found out the truth much later through his sister’s social media and I had asked her. It wasn’t obvious at all, which is why it feels so deceptive

Surely you realised when you first shagged him that he was more Italian scallion that Italian stallion.

He said his dads side is Italian and he doesn’t have contact with his dads side and doesn’t want to so that’s why I had believed it as I haven’t met his dads side at all. My family were telling me he wasn’t and doesn’t look Italian but then he said he definitely is and kept that up for years. I did suspect something about two yrs ago actually it was something on ancestry tree where me and my friend were having a nosey on there and I also searched up my partners name and it came up with his dads name as his mum was married too him and so I shown him it and asked him if he was asian as his dad had Asian surname and he got really angry at me saying that’s not him on there and saying how can you think I’m Asian etc etc.. and saying you’ve seen my ID where I was just telling him too calm down like I’m only showing you what I’ve seen? It was definitely him on there too as it had shown his full name, his DOB and mums name etc and place of birth…And now he admits he is after I find out from his sister

I had a relationship with a total fantasist in my first year at college. I never actually confronted him with it, just laughed at him when he started another ‘explanation’. If you can’t trust what someone says, where are you really ever with them.

To me it sounds like your husband has experienced some kind of racism in the past directed at his Bengali heritage and he's become embarrassed about that for some reason. He's invented a "cover" story for him self to protect him from this potential racism in the future??

I'm not going to lie it all sounds a bit weird and unnecessary but perhaps you need to start questioning why he lied - and then go from there?

Would you have felt differently about him had you know his true heritage?

Not sure why you are asking me, I don't know. I was just posting to say that I once knew an Italian person who was mistaken for another ethnicity.