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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Older male 45M obsessive after first date with me 32F

38 replies

mummyofboys31xx · 22/07/2025 17:57

So I need to talk to someone, I am a 32 year old single mother of 8 and 6 year old sons. been separate since 2021, I met some guy in London in 2021 he is 45 years old, who asked for my number but I gave him my Facebook, he's been begging to date me messaging for years he is Brazilian but has a business in France, finally after years of begging, I let him take me out last weekend, he booked a flight straight over the day I said yes and he met me at the mall and bought gifts for me, jewlerry and other stuff, he wouldn't stop kissing or touching me, we spent the day together and I went home, the next morning he was leaving London so I went to his hotel to say bye and he wouldn't stop touching me, one thing led to another, we had two hours of "love making" it was so passionate and he just kissed me all over and showed me so much love, but its been a week and he has not stopped messaging constantly, he is coming back tomorrow to spend a few days with me!! here're some of the messages
You drive me crazy
You are the best woman i have ever seen in my whole life 💖
You drive me crazy
I want one baby
I want to have a child with you
You won’t be alone this time
I'm leaving at 9 or 10 at night to finish as quickly as possible. I need to see my love. I'm going to France on Wednesday. Before I go, I need to hug my future wife.
I want you in my life
You are perfect
You are more beautiful without makeup or lashes!
You're my life
My life
I want one baby
It can be my love, it will be easier, I want to be close to you always.
I wish I was there right now lying next to you
You will make me love you very easily.
We will be together for all moments.
I didn't want anyone, I wanted to be alone, focus on my work Now everything has changed❤️
It's been a long time since I've had anyone
I'm taking our relationship seriously. "I want you."
I will be faithful to you, I want to have a family. I want a wife, children, and family.
My friends from France want to meet you. They want to know which princess won my heart ♥️
I miss you so much!
I want your son's. I will take care of your son's
I don't care what you wear or walk, I know you are a wonderful woman and an extraordinary mother.
You are mine now
You are amazing
The only thing I ask of you is to respect me, I don't care what you wear, where or where you go, but wherever you are, always remember that there is a man who really likes you.
I want you in my life forever.
I will only leave you if one day you no longer want me.
You are my life
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
You are mine!
You also can't imagine how long I was alone waiting for a wife. I never gave up on you, I always tried to stay as close to you as possible.
I love kissing you, smelling you, I want to wake up next to you, kissing you from head to toe.
You are amazing!
The best
We will be together, I will help you, we will do many things together, decorate your house.
You are the best❤️
I miss you!
Do you think I will lose you easily? No way
I miss you!
Understand how much I fought to win you over and look at the dates
I want only you
I will take care of you and your sons
I miss you!😘😘😘
You will be my wife!
I will take over and we will build a family
I will look after you
I really like you ♥️
Good morning, my honey
You will be mine forever!😉
You make me happy 😊
I want a daughter with you
I miss you so much, I really want to kiss you and hug you
You look beautiful without makeup
Much younger and more beautiful 😍
I know that, my princess, we live far away, but I will do my best to ensure we are always together.
I can help you with anything?
Good morning! The woman of my life
Everything I want I can get
Now you will pay for all this time I waited for you, I will make you love me
Now I need a new talent to win you over
I —— in to you very fast, I usually take a while to come
I'm starting to get so creeped out, a few red flags, he keeps saying he wants a baby. I have two and he has 3 older kids! Another thing, on our date he kept saying I can't believe how young you look, you don't even look 24 and how much he loved that. I feel these messages are a lot, what should I do? does this sound normal?

OP posts:
HoneyHoneyHowYouThrillMe · 22/07/2025 17:58

This is not normal and he is not a balanced person.

Red flags all over.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 22/07/2025 17:58

He sounds obsessive and not normal to me.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 22/07/2025 17:59

I hope he does not know where you live.

Block and delete

as no good will come from this.

Foreverm0re · 22/07/2025 17:59

Way too much, too soon. 🚩🚩🚩

FloraBotticelli · 22/07/2025 18:00

A few red flags? All sirens blazing more like. Block him before he starts causing you real problems and focus on yourself and why you’re feeling in any doubt at all about what’s going on here. There must be some part of you that wants this or feels flattered by it or whatever - that part of you will cause you problems if you don’t address it.

MondayYogurt · 22/07/2025 18:01

Now you will pay for all this time I waited for you, I will make you love me

^This is the one that stands out for absolute insanity. This is not anywhere in the realms of normal or good. I’m sorry, but you’re going to highly regret letting him nag you into this.

HoneyHoneyHowYouThrillMe · 22/07/2025 18:03

Sounds like really bad fanfic/hairy handedness, tbh. Which should make it clear just how not normal this is.

MaryBerrysFannyHammock · 22/07/2025 18:03

Fucking hell, he's a bit much ain't he

ScoobyDoesnt · 22/07/2025 18:12

Duplicate post, have just read exactly the same post further up. With the same red flag advice!

And he knows her address

WaltzingWaters · 22/07/2025 18:16

He sounds insane. This is NOT NORMAL BEHAVIOUR. Please protect yourself and your children and block him on everything. I hope he doesn’t know where you live or work?

Elle771 · 22/07/2025 18:17

You've literally just posted this in AIBU and had plenty of replies

Littlejellyuk · 22/07/2025 18:18

BLOCK AND RUN 🚫🚫🚫
This has more red flags than a military parade in China. 🇨🇳🇨🇳🇨🇳
Bloody hell he sounds unhinged.
Again..

BLOCK AND RUN.🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

CreationNat1on · 22/07/2025 18:22

Text to end it. Very firm message, then block.

theansweris42 · 22/07/2025 18:31

What MondayYogurt said

vodkaredbullgirl · 22/07/2025 18:34

BLOCK

NoMoreHotHols · 22/07/2025 18:56

2 threads? Why?

vodkaredbullgirl · 22/07/2025 18:58

NoMoreHotHols · 22/07/2025 18:56

2 threads? Why?

1 was not enough 😆

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 22/07/2025 19:00

NoMoreHotHols · 22/07/2025 18:56

2 threads? Why?

4 threads!

vodkaredbullgirl · 22/07/2025 19:02

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 22/07/2025 19:00

4 threads!

Now that's milking it 😆

LaLaLandDreams · 22/07/2025 19:04

If you didn’t think to block him straight away then I don’t have anything more to say 😂

Elektra1 · 22/07/2025 19:21

How many threads does this need?

MrsColinRobinson · 22/07/2025 19:47

vodkaredbullgirl · 22/07/2025 19:02

Now that's milking it 😆

And he's the obsessive one apparently 🤔

TheyFuckYouUpYourMamAndDad · 22/07/2025 19:56

Summer holidays have started then!!!??? 🥴🙄

TY78910 · 22/07/2025 20:01

Either he has some serious MH issues, or he is a scammer. Hopping on planes, businesses in other countries, jewellery all the constant love messaging trying to make you feel like you’re the only girl in the world yada yada… reminds me of this doc on Netflix about a long lost mum reconnecting with her son but was super wealthy, this and that and eventually turns out she’s fleeced him out of thousands. That, but swap mum for boyfriend and you get the rest

IDontHateRainbows · 22/07/2025 20:07

This is how they start. If you continue, within 6 months he'll be controlling every aspect of what you do, wear, say and if you don't follow his every command he will get nasty .
He doesn't see you as you, you're there to fulfill a role of 'perfect wife' in his warped little mind. Every time you fail to fulfill your assigned role he'll get nasty with you to the point of abuse.
Most of them they reel you in slowly like the proverbial frog in boiling water but this one's turned the hob up yo max, so hop out quick.