People assume my parents help me

Solace123 · 2025-07-16T11:41:54+00:00

Just had my car serviced. The garage also services my dad's vehicles for his business. They always comment and ask if my dad is paying for it. Other people also make comments and also say "ah bet your parents will help you out" or "im sure your dad will pay" My dad earning around 100,000 if not more a year and they have a beautiful home. But they have and will not ever help me and I don't know people assume he would. I do struggle, I'm a single mum in a council home. I fled domestic abuse and asked to live with them but they said no so I had no choice but to go into a refuse. Bearing in mind they have a 3 bedroom house with plenty of room. I get it their money they can do what they like but if I had their amount and I saw my DC struggling I would help them. I don't ask or beg for help from them, I'm not that kind of person but they do know that I've struggled Just hard when people assume and I have to laugh it off

Truetoself · 16/07/2025 12:42

They sound awful

Stichintime · 16/07/2025 12:44

Hold your head high.

WellPossibly · 16/07/2025 12:44

Well, don't laugh it off. Say 'No, why would my father be paying for my car to be serviced?' Are you more bothered that they don't help you financially or that other people think they do help you financially?

Have you specifically asked them for financial help?

Cavello · 16/07/2025 12:47

Mine don't nor would never help me either.

People are presuming because that's what most parents do, they help their children. It's more of a reflection of their world view rather than anything to do with you per se.

kiwiane · 16/07/2025 12:51

3 beds isn’t enough space to have you and a child move in without massive lifestyle changes so I wouldn’t begrudge them for that. Otherwise they do sound mean - you should be proud of how well you’ve coped on your own and tell people!

Meadowfinch · 16/07/2025 12:51

Make it clear on each occasion that they don't.

Roll your eyes, say "I wish", and move on.

If your parents have a 3 bed house, I can sort of understand why they didn't want to provide a home for adult dd and child(ren). That's not a massive amount of space and they've done their baby raising
It must have felt harsh at the time, but the end result is you and your dcs now have your own home.

Original poster

Solace123 · 16/07/2025 13:26

WellPossibly · 16/07/2025 12:44

Well, don't laugh it off. Say 'No, why would my father be paying for my car to be serviced?' Are you more bothered that they don't help you financially or that other people think they do help you financially?

Have you specifically asked them for financial help?

Both i guess. I think it's also the lack of emotional support too and I just feel alone in it all. I don't really have much form of support from them.

Ive asked in very desperate times maybe once or twice in 10 years. I being helping to pay for a solicitor bill for family court when my abusive ex dragged me through that

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Original poster

Solace123 · 16/07/2025 13:26

Cavello · 16/07/2025 12:47

Mine don't nor would never help me either.

People are presuming because that's what most parents do, they help their children. It's more of a reflection of their world view rather than anything to do with you per se.

I'm sorry you're feeling similar.
I know i really would give my DS so much help/support if he needed it and I could

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Original poster

Solace123 · 16/07/2025 13:28

kiwiane · 16/07/2025 12:51

3 beds isn’t enough space to have you and a child move in without massive lifestyle changes so I wouldn’t begrudge them for that. Otherwise they do sound mean - you should be proud of how well you’ve coped on your own and tell people!

Trust me, it isn't a small 3 bed home. Ds wasn't even a year at that point and I didn't want to stay there forever and I was working. I could have saved so much money to buy but I could, had to go to a refuge and ended up paying them alot of money to stay there because I worked and didn't qualify for benefits.

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AgentJohnson · 16/07/2025 13:32

Why are you laughing it off? Answer every time that he didn’t and would never offer either.

Murray51 · 16/07/2025 13:43

I have almost the exact same issue. My parents are wealthy, almost exclusively through inheritance at a very young age. Think gifted multiple properties, land and a large business as young adults.

DH and I have worked hard to develop careers and have been reasonably successful both earning 6 figure salaries.

Siblings have done very little and have had a lifetime of subsidy from parents on both sides.

Every time we spend a decent amount of money such as buying a new car or new windows or having a nice holiday, certain family friends will almost always say something along the lines of “I see your dad has splashed out again”. It infuriates DH and I as we have never received a penny.

We do correct people but I’m pretty sure they think we’re joking most of the time as they know that all other siblings/cousins are bankrolled by our parents and aunts/uncles who were also part of the same inheritance.

Original poster

Solace123 · 16/07/2025 15:40

Murray51 · 16/07/2025 13:43

I have almost the exact same issue. My parents are wealthy, almost exclusively through inheritance at a very young age. Think gifted multiple properties, land and a large business as young adults.

DH and I have worked hard to develop careers and have been reasonably successful both earning 6 figure salaries.

Siblings have done very little and have had a lifetime of subsidy from parents on both sides.

Every time we spend a decent amount of money such as buying a new car or new windows or having a nice holiday, certain family friends will almost always say something along the lines of “I see your dad has splashed out again”. It infuriates DH and I as we have never received a penny.

We do correct people but I’m pretty sure they think we’re joking most of the time as they know that all other siblings/cousins are bankrolled by our parents and aunts/uncles who were also part of the same inheritance.

My parents didn't have much when they were younger. My dad did work hard to build the business he has. They started to do well for themselves when I was a teenager.
I think i just find it so hard any no kind of support. Even with my DS they make it seem like a chore looking after him when he's no bother. They have never taken him out anywhere

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ThePhantomoftheEcobubbleOpera · 16/07/2025 15:47

If they had taken you in then wouldn't you have been far less likely to get a council home?

Lovelynames123 · 16/07/2025 15:53

Your parents are awful. Mine are well off, although not wealthy, and would do anything to help my sister and I, I could move there tomorrow with my dc if I needed to. My dps were helped financially bit their dp, and I know I will help my dc when they're adults if they need it. I can't understand parents who dont

To see you in a refuge, their child and their grandchild, and not help, is disgusting I'm afraid, and I'm not sure I could move past that

Murray51 · 16/07/2025 15:58

Solace123 · 16/07/2025 15:40

My parents didn't have much when they were younger. My dad did work hard to build the business he has. They started to do well for themselves when I was a teenager.
I think i just find it so hard any no kind of support. Even with my DS they make it seem like a chore looking after him when he's no bother. They have never taken him out anywhere

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Same here. They did loads for other DGC but have never taken DS on a day out.

I think they are so consumed with a lifetime of support for my siblings and their DC that me and my DS get ignored as we’re self sufficient.

Their view is that we don’t need any support.

We’re just coming to the end of nursery where we’ve spent £50k in total. I mentioned this to my parents who incidentally provided my siblings with full childcare for free. Their response was “That sounds a lot. I think you must have added that up wrong”. DH’s face was a picture!

It’s a shame for DS because as time goes on I think they are starting to notice the disparity more. In response they almost distance themselves from us because it’s easier to hide from it rather than address it.

I don’t even want anything material from them. I just want DS to have a normal relationship with them but that seems ever less likely as time goes on.

LifeBeginsToday · 16/07/2025 16:00

I'm the same with my daughter. She lives in a hostel and I "could" house her. But she's hard work and it would never be a short term solution. With me she's not a priority for support at all. In a hostel she will be housed. I'd be surprised if your parents didn't feel the same about the situation.

Aimtodobetter · 16/07/2025 16:01

Solace123 · 16/07/2025 13:26

Both i guess. I think it's also the lack of emotional support too and I just feel alone in it all. I don't really have much form of support from them.

Ive asked in very desperate times maybe once or twice in 10 years. I being helping to pay for a solicitor bill for family court when my abusive ex dragged me through that

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It completely shocks me when I hear of parents not being willing to help their child in these sort of circumstances. You have every right to feel let down.

Original poster

Solace123 · 16/07/2025 16:43

Lovelynames123 · 16/07/2025 15:53

Your parents are awful. Mine are well off, although not wealthy, and would do anything to help my sister and I, I could move there tomorrow with my dc if I needed to. My dps were helped financially bit their dp, and I know I will help my dc when they're adults if they need it. I can't understand parents who dont

To see you in a refuge, their child and their grandchild, and not help, is disgusting I'm afraid, and I'm not sure I could move past that

My ex had a great dad who helped him financially. Every week he would give him 30 or 40 pounds every few weeks for him and his child and it really helped. They also helped to buy his house. Which I get not every parent can. His dad also helped with childcare and would do anything for the two of them.
It used to really upset me that I didn't have that at all.
I remember when I first had DS they went on holiday 2 weeks after. They knew my due date, they knew my DS dad wasn't nice to me. I was in hospital as I lost alot of blood. Do you know what they wanted me to do. Look after their elderly dog. I did it but struggled alot due to the dog messing due to age, he was whining because he knew they weren't there. They refused to put him in a kennel and didn't ask my sister who was childless at the time! Crazy i cant believe i said yes to it but I could leave the poor dog

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Unbelievable2025 · 16/07/2025 17:23

The wheels will turn as they get older and need your help and you can then repeat what they said to you in your time of need. A simple ‘no’. You reap what you sow.

2024onwardsandup · 16/07/2025 17:32

kiwiane · 16/07/2025 12:51

3 beds isn’t enough space to have you and a child move in without massive lifestyle changes so I wouldn’t begrudge them for that. Otherwise they do sound mean - you should be proud of how well you’ve coped on your own and tell people!

When the alternative is a refuge!!??

OP they’re awful. Prepare yourself mentally now to not do much when they’re old

Original poster

Solace123 · 16/07/2025 18:58

Unbelievable2025 · 16/07/2025 17:23

The wheels will turn as they get older and need your help and you can then repeat what they said to you in your time of need. A simple ‘no’. You reap what you sow.

I did think exactly this. I know they will come to me rather than my sister

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Original poster

Solace123 · 17/07/2025 09:46

Went to see my parents last night as it was my dads birthday. Whilst talking I cant remember how it came about but I think I said about me going somewhere alone and my dad laughed and said that's because you have no friends. My DS was there. I didn't want it to be awkward in front of DS so I just kind of laughed and said that's not a nice thing to say. DS bless him also said yea that's not very nice.
In my dad's eyes this would be "banter" but its kind of true i don't have many friends and felt quite lonely and upset this weekend and it hurt when he said it.

I don't know why I feel obliged by my family. I know the whole FOG thing and I've been on the stately homes thread for years. Still I just cant seem to walk away

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Shnuzzbucket · 17/07/2025 09:48

Solace123 · 16/07/2025 18:58

I did think exactly this. I know they will come to me rather than my sister

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At which point you are not available!

Shnuzzbucket · 17/07/2025 09:52

Just grey rock them, they're not helping you in any way, even emotionally and you are showing your dc that this is an acceptable way to be treated.

in fact, if you could move towns that would also be good

Ukholidaysaregreat · 17/07/2025 09:58

Solace123 · 16/07/2025 16:43

My ex had a great dad who helped him financially. Every week he would give him 30 or 40 pounds every few weeks for him and his child and it really helped. They also helped to buy his house. Which I get not every parent can. His dad also helped with childcare and would do anything for the two of them.
It used to really upset me that I didn't have that at all.
I remember when I first had DS they went on holiday 2 weeks after. They knew my due date, they knew my DS dad wasn't nice to me. I was in hospital as I lost alot of blood. Do you know what they wanted me to do. Look after their elderly dog. I did it but struggled alot due to the dog messing due to age, he was whining because he knew they weren't there. They refused to put him in a kennel and didn't ask my sister who was childless at the time! Crazy i cant believe i said yes to it but I could leave the poor dog

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Hi OP reading your update I wonder if you are the family scapegoat and your sister might be the golden child. Asking you to look after the dog when you have just given birth and your sister could easily have done it seems awful. I also would put people right when they say you have had money from your parents. I hope you can find a supportive friendship group and dial back any support or help you are giving them. They sound awful.