People assume my parents help me

[Solace123]

Just had my car serviced. The garage also services my dad's vehicles for his business. They always comment and ask if my dad is paying for it.
Other people also make comments and also say "ah bet your parents will help you out" or "im sure your dad will pay"
My dad earning around 100,000 if not more a year and they have a beautiful home.
But they have and will not ever help me and I don't know people assume he would. I do struggle, I'm a single mum in a council home. I fled domestic abuse and asked to live with them but they said no so I had no choice but to go into a refuse. Bearing in mind they have a 3 bedroom house with plenty of room.
I get it their money they can do what they like but if I had their amount and I saw my DC struggling I would help them.
I don't ask or beg for help from them, I'm not that kind of person but they do know that I've struggled
Just hard when people assume and I have to laugh it off

I just sent my dad a message saying he upset me last night saying I had no friends and although he may see it as a joke I found it upsetting as I'd been feeling lonely recently.
His reply included no sorry and it was just a joke and I'm reading too much into it!

You really do not have to laugh. That rewards them for their rudeness.
It would be very reasonable for you to reply “no he does not” with a stern look, and casually mention that you might start going to a different garage for your MoTs.
Seems to me you have real difficulty standing up for yourself, and that this stems from how your parents treated you, which I suspect started at an early age. Your father sounds truly horrible, and you’d be happier having less contact so that he has fewer opportunities to hurt or humiliate you. To do that you’d need to work on the unjustified feelings of guilt that you have.

Well i think I have been the golden child when I was little because I was the people pleaser and did what my parents said. My sister rebelled alot. However now I feel like my sister and her children are the golden ones and because I'm kind of the black sheep and I have different views to the rest of them I'm now the scapegoat/outsider and so is DS.
Just such an awful family dynamic that my mum loves and feeds. I do think she has narcissistic tendencies. My grandmother 100% is a narc but my mum is no where near as bad but still has traits of her mum.

It's quite clear that your parents are horrible people.

They will expect you, the 'scapegoat', to be their carer in their old age, not your 'golden child' sister.

You need to start trying to detach yourself from them. They are destroying your self-esteem and your DS shouldn't be around them when they insult you.

I know, I can see it in my mind playing out that way unless I distance myself.
Ive looked for emdr therapy today most are 130-180 per session per week! That's absolutely crazy! I definitely don't have a spare 500 to spare on therapy

Is this really a hill you want to die on? Seems like a non event. Why does it matter what other people's assumptions are.

There's more to it

I’m now LC or NC with all of my family and live hundreds of miles away.

I have experienced the same, even the same thing as my car getting repaired. So don’t think it’s just you it’s just other people don’t treat their kids like it so people assume the grandparents help out.

Over 20 years ago now I had a problem with the garage I took my car to for a repair as were trying to make me pay for a repair my car didn’t need, because I was female.

so my father called the mechanic he always used, at one point he had a fleet of vehicles for his business, and my car was booked to go there instead the next day. It was someone id known all my life who as with most people I ever know treated their children normally, unlike my parents.

On collection of my car, which did only need a cheap minor repair and not the stuff the other garage had told me, the guy said oh it’s so kind of your dad etc etc etc then handed me the bill which I paid. I just smiled and said nothing as people outside of my family would never understand. I then drove home and as with most weeks had to go without food some days so my child had enough to eat. Oh and similar period in my life I also did some work for my father to earn a bit extra to buy some clothes etc for my child, we’d go up after school to do the work a few times a week as my child could come with me to his grandparents office…..and i was never even paid :(

They don’t sound very nice and they’re not bringing much to your life, are they OP? If you went low contact, what would you actually miss?

Sorry what? Lifestyle change is not comparable to ensuring their child and grandchildren are safe from an abuser. True family would make the space.

I'm so sorry your parents let you down like
That it must hurt so much.
In th long run you'll be better off with your own council home but at the time your heart must have broken

I'm glad I have good parents, fled a domestic abuse marriage with a tiny baby they took me in straightaway no questions asked etc. 3 bed house my 2 in there 20s siblings were still home to, there not wealthy they work hard for what they have but everyone welcomed me home. I spent 3 months getting back on my feet, getting a job starting again.They very kindly leant me the deposit to rent which I paid back within another 3 months and 7 years on happy as anything and fully on my feet. The councils only offered hostels and at one point wanted to separate me and baby because they had no hostel for both of us. My parents were annoyed that I had got in touch with the council and would never have seen me go into a hostel. Anyhow couldn't have done without them and will happily do it for my own kids should there ever be a need in the future now that I'm able to myself

If they’re so unpleasant, I’d go far lower contact than you currently are, don’t bother going around to their house for birthday celebrations anymore, for example.

Stop making an effort with them and let them get on with living their selfish lives.

They sound very self centred 😢
Don’t ever tell them your weaknesses they’ll just use it against you, just like your dad did when you messaged him.
I would subtly go low contact.

I would just say ‘I wish!’ If anyone says that. I don’t think a three bed house is that big for taking on adult and a child through…

My Dad is like this. He thinks he is being funny, but it often comes across as cruel. I too shrug it off, but it can hurt me.

I remember years ago (like 30 yrs ago) Dad coming to my house and commenting on the dust on top of my microwave. The way he said it stuck with me. Something as stupid as that!! Now I go into a complete tailspin if I know someone is coming over, thinking the house has to be 5* luxury clean with no mess whatsoever.

My parents are also wealthy and my Dad wouldn't dream of helping me financially. Once I got desperate and I had to practically beg for help or lose my house. He asked what I needed and I said it was one months mortgage payment. He sent it to me (thankfully) down to the penny. There was no little extra or anything like that. I only needed it that time as my husband had lost his job and our savings had gone - BUT he was 3 weeks away from starting his new job. I felt immensely guilty about asking for help, and I've never done it since.