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Original poster

how long does it take for sex in your 50,s

37 replies

ggggggghh · 14/07/2025 00:27

Hi,
How long these days does it take new couples to have sex in their 50's. Had 5 dates with sophisticated women, NOT that I want sex now, want to get to know, just wounding how long have persons here in their 50 take to have sex, as dont want to rock the boat.
Bill.

OP posts:
HarkerandBarker · 14/07/2025 01:13

When she feels comfortable.
Ask her how she feels about you and that if you get to date no.8.

PiggieWig · 14/07/2025 01:15

Is there flirting and chemistry? If there isn’t after 5 dates I’d assume it’s not clicking but if there is, maybe it’s time to suggest a date at home?

HarkerandBarker · 14/07/2025 01:23

I think a woman knows how to let a man know if she's ready. Some people don't react well to pressure. Just having an open discussion might be best. That gives her the chance to express her feelings about it. You don't know what her expectations are and what past experiences shes had. Everyone is different.

StarlightLady · 14/07/2025 06:42

F 40s here, so not quite in the age range yet, but l’m working on it 😀. I would certainly not still be hanging around after date 5, l think the time has come to ask “where are we going here”. There is a risk you might not like the answer of course, but at least you’ll know.

PermanentTemporary · 14/07/2025 06:45

At 56 I’d be mystified if we weren’t having sex by the second date, but tbf I’m not very sophisticated. StarlightLady above probably has it right.

AgentJohnson · 14/07/2025 06:54

There is one size fits all number. It’s entirely up to the two people involved.
I personally would spend more time getting to know someone before jumping in to bed with them, if I felt that sex was expected of me after a certain number of dates, I wouldn’t bother. Again, up to the two people involved.

TheyFuckYouUpYourMamAndDad · 14/07/2025 07:11

I’m 60…I’d say definitely by date 5, if there was chemistry, I’d be initiating sex. If nothing was forthcoming by this point, I would assume I’d been friend-zoned.

TalulaHalulah · 14/07/2025 07:13

I am single and have just started dating again after a long period of not doing so.
You know if there is chemistry. I haven’t gone for a second date if I don’t find the person attractive. But I also feel that I would need to know a person somewhat before getting into bed. In the one short relationship I had end of last year/early this year, we were able to discuss what was what and that is how it should be. Ideally I want passionate, clothes off in the hallway movie sex but after many years of being single, this is not realistically going to happen and certainly not with a near stranger. Open communication is the way forward.

BeEagerTurtle · 14/07/2025 07:18

Was 2nd date for me - after 5 i would be rethinking and probably looking at friendship and maybe letting her go and finding someone else

GuevarasBeret · 14/07/2025 07:25

I think it depends: have you got to kissing; talked about whether they are dating others; how long since last relationship ended.

Has there been any discussion about where she is at?

TwistedWonder · 14/07/2025 08:13

There’s no one size fits all at any age. Some people are slow burns and like to get to know someone properly before sex, others want to have sex straight away.

Date 5 would maybe be a bit soon for me but it would completely depend on circumstances and how the connection was going.

Has any physical connection happened? Go slowly next date, kissing and cuddling and go from there.

Mysticguru · 14/07/2025 11:30

Depends on the chemistry TBH. Sometimes after date 1. As PP said I wouldn't be invested after date 5.

PermanentTemporary · 14/07/2025 12:06

Yes, you see I’ve no interest in getting to know someone if the sex is a damp (or dry) squib. I’ve had enough crappy sex after ‘waiting’ and committing to people for a lifetime, so it’s a priority to me to know if the other person knows what they are doing and likes sex for its own sake, before anything emotional develops. I do recognise that that’s very individual though.

TwistedWonder · 14/07/2025 13:24

So OP just from the responses here there’s no right or wrong answer so maybe gently approach the subject of where this is going, some kissing and take it from there.

Original poster
ggggggghh · 14/07/2025 13:57

TwistedWonder · 14/07/2025 08:13

There’s no one size fits all at any age. Some people are slow burns and like to get to know someone properly before sex, others want to have sex straight away.

Date 5 would maybe be a bit soon for me but it would completely depend on circumstances and how the connection was going.

Has any physical connection happened? Go slowly next date, kissing and cuddling and go from there.

Hi,
Thank you all have read all your posts, We quick kiss on lips when we meet, say after the meal and when we leave. I give her huge complements a lot. I am in no hurry. I suppose when shes ready to move no, she might ponder at the end of the night quick one second kiss on the lips.

Yes your all right, we all take diffrent times, I just dont want to puch it and spoil it, and dont want to be to slow and spoil it.
Bill.

OP posts:
Rootsdarling2 · 14/07/2025 13:59

StarlightLady · 14/07/2025 06:42

F 40s here, so not quite in the age range yet, but l’m working on it 😀. I would certainly not still be hanging around after date 5, l think the time has come to ask “where are we going here”. There is a risk you might not like the answer of course, but at least you’ll know.

This. I think its always best to check early on.

Gymbunny2025 · 14/07/2025 14:03

ggggggghh · 14/07/2025 13:57

Hi,
Thank you all have read all your posts, We quick kiss on lips when we meet, say after the meal and when we leave. I give her huge complements a lot. I am in no hurry. I suppose when shes ready to move no, she might ponder at the end of the night quick one second kiss on the lips.

Yes your all right, we all take diffrent times, I just dont want to puch it and spoil it, and dont want to be to slow and spoil it.
Bill.

Show quote history

I think if only a quick kiss on the lips and things aren’t progressing naturally I’d be concerned they won’t. Obviously everyone is different but if I fancied a guy he’d know about it! And I wouldn’t wait 5 dates to have sex- what if its obvious you’re not compatible?

dogcatkitten · 14/07/2025 14:06

Try going for a proper kiss at the end of the night, if she doesn't like that I think it may just be a platonic relationship, which is fine if that is enough for you both. A kiss and a cuddle by date five would seem pretty reasonable for taking it slowly.

TwistedWonder · 14/07/2025 14:06

ggggggghh · 14/07/2025 13:57

Hi,
Thank you all have read all your posts, We quick kiss on lips when we meet, say after the meal and when we leave. I give her huge complements a lot. I am in no hurry. I suppose when shes ready to move no, she might ponder at the end of the night quick one second kiss on the lips.

Yes your all right, we all take diffrent times, I just dont want to puch it and spoil it, and dont want to be to slow and spoil it.
Bill.

Show quote history

I would have thought there would be more than a quick peck after 5 dates tbh. Have you tried going in for a proper, longer kiss?

Sounds like you’re both maybe holding back waiting for the other to make a bit of a move so maybe you need to be brave and show her some affection and start there.

TwistedWonder · 14/07/2025 14:07

dogcatkitten · 14/07/2025 14:06

Try going for a proper kiss at the end of the night, if she doesn't like that I think it may just be a platonic relationship, which is fine if that is enough for you both. A kiss and a cuddle by date five would seem pretty reasonable for taking it slowly.

Agree. I’m a slow burn myself but I’d definitely expect a proper kiss after a couple of dates.

SantasLargerHelper · 14/07/2025 14:08

Yeah, I'm mid 50s and it is important to me that we connect sexually. My current partner i met OLD, we had a kiss goodbye at the end of the first date. The second we snogged all over town 😅 the third I hot footed it round to his house to check out his sexual prowess. I was not disappointed let's just say. We are still at it like rabbits when we meet at his. And we have chaste and cultural dates in between steamy weekends.

Doitrightnow · 14/07/2025 14:52

Depends massively on the person really how long is a piece of string?

I know couples who waited for marriage and others who had sex on the night they met, and that includes all ages.

Five dates would be way too early for me and I wouldn't be impressed to be pushed. I only sleep with people I'm extremely serious about having a future with 🤷

I'm sure they'll let you know.

Original poster
ggggggghh · 14/07/2025 16:47

Doitrightnow · 14/07/2025 14:52

Depends massively on the person really how long is a piece of string?

I know couples who waited for marriage and others who had sex on the night they met, and that includes all ages.

Five dates would be way too early for me and I wouldn't be impressed to be pushed. I only sleep with people I'm extremely serious about having a future with 🤷

I'm sure they'll let you know.

Edited

Hi thank you everyone, I want this to work, nothing else in life I need or want but this.

Hi Doitrghtnow, are you Female, and what age please. And as you said, I wouldn't be impressed to be pushed. I only sleep with people I'm extremely serious about having a future with.

I am sure this is her and me. Ok, if it was you and we were just still having one sec lip kisses, would to be happy like that, and would you make the move in going for a longer kiss, as I know the guy should be doing this, "but" as you said. you wouldn't be impressed to be pushed. I dont want to push, just want this to last.
Bill.

OP posts:
StarlightLady · 14/07/2025 17:04

ggggggghh · 14/07/2025 16:47

Hi thank you everyone, I want this to work, nothing else in life I need or want but this.

Hi Doitrghtnow, are you Female, and what age please. And as you said, I wouldn't be impressed to be pushed. I only sleep with people I'm extremely serious about having a future with.

I am sure this is her and me. Ok, if it was you and we were just still having one sec lip kisses, would to be happy like that, and would you make the move in going for a longer kiss, as I know the guy should be doing this, "but" as you said. you wouldn't be impressed to be pushed. I dont want to push, just want this to last.
Bill.

Show quote history

I know this was not particularly addressed to me, but why not ask? “May l give you a longer kiss?”.

NeuroSpicyCat · 14/07/2025 17:09

Sounds like she’s kissing you in the way a sister or friend might. Not good.