Husband and best friends affair

[growgirl]

My world was turned upside down last week with the discovery of my husbands affair with my best friend at the time. It all ended last year apparently.

we looked after each others kids all the time (they are best friends), I was even picking her child up from school when they were fucking in a hotel. I think what makes this worse is I genuinely wanted to help her while her husband was working away so we were socialising all the time as she lives a few doors down. My husband was also her PT 🙄 great excuse for a couple of hours a week together I guess 😆

i comforted her when she was crying about her relationship breaking down (while she was fucking my husband) and i suspected it at one point as I would go home and he would go back for ‘one last drink’ I found it disrespectful at the time and we would argue about it all the time. I guess that’s what they spoke about when they confided in each other about their awful marriages 🤢

long story short, 2 marriages destroyed, the doctor has prescribed me diazepam to try and control how I’m feeling. He is still here at the moment as I do not feel strong enough to be in this house on my own with my kids as trying to function is impossible right now. I’ve lost half a stone in 3 days!

is this even salvageable? The levels of disrespect are off the scale in every direction I look. I just need to be stronger before I make any huge decisions. I also need to move out of this village asap. It’s gossip central and I am so ashamed. The school runs are unbearable. A few people I genuinely trusted knew and this is just another punch in the gut. He is obviously very sorry but I suspect that is because he was caught.

wise words please 🙏🏻. I am broken 😞

Thank you, yes I would prefer to not be the talk of the village to. I never asked to be in this position. I have therapy booked from Friday so I’m hoping I can try to work on myself to be the best version of me for my children!

Absolutely do not make any knee jerk reactions like this.

Keep going, you’re doing well.

Hold your head high.

You've been betrayed in the cruelest way possible so of course you are reeling. But that will settle down soon.

Right now you are in no fit state to make any decisions at all. When you are more settled you will be able to

Can you come back from it? The better question is do you want your cheating lying deceitful husband back in your life as a trusted partner? I think you'll realise you are worth more than that.

What is her husband doing?

He’s stayed as far as I know. I’m guessing he doesn’t know half of what I know but I’m also not interested in going tit for tat at the moment. Whatever is going on in their relationship is no business of mine. I have enough to deal with here 😔

I don’t know if I can. I’m hoping therapy and time will give me the answers I need.

Hugs OP, sorry they've put you through this, it sounds like you're dealing with it amazingly considering. Hope you have some real life support and that therapy helps x

@growgirl why the hell is someone instigating a hate campaign against you?? you are not and never have been the problem here!! it was your ex friend and your cheating husband! your tribe will protect you. pretty sure of that. chin up and onward march!!

I'm so sorry that you have been betrayed by those two c**ts. There is no other way to describe them, their behaviour is the lowest of the low. Her step children "joke" - just wow, how fucked up was that??!
I can't imagine what you are going through at the moment. I just wanted to send you my good wishes. I know that things are shit at the moment but you will get through this

thank you. I agree I guess this is just whatever narrative she is trying to twist to come out of this sorry scenario with a scrap of dignity. Cream rises to the top and I will not be bought down by somebody with no morals.

I’m really sorry this is happening OP. You’ve nothing to feel ashamed of on the school run or anywhere else for that matter. This is on them.
If ‘someone’ is starting a hate campaign or making a bad situation worse including because they likely can’t stop and be accountable, that just confirms what a low life they are. Try to take no heed. Skewed narratives are annoying but when you feel stronger you can address that if you want to.
Good folk don’t ruin other people’s lives and then not even have the decency to feel and demonstrate remorse. Exposure is your right so do it all you need and want to.
If you like your village don’t move. It will be yesterday’s news in the village soon enough and why should you have to uproot your kids and life on top of everything else!? Let them move if anyone has to.
It’s early days, you are understandably broken and so just take it slow until you decide what you need and want to do.

If you sent her a link to this thread I would expect her to make disparaging comment on it. So take any negativity with a pinch of salt. I hope they both know that most people sre them with utter contempt and disgust.

The hate campaign is standard Im afraid. I think these people can’t live with the reality of the awful thing they have done and so create a false narrative with themselves as some sort of victim to try and square away their actions to themselves. Those that matter will pay it no need OP. But be prepared for this sort of nonsense to carry on for a bit. Just another way the knife gets twisted.
you are doing well. One day at a time. My mantra became ‘when others go low, I go high’ (Thankyou Michelle obama) and it served me well.

Ha! That would be convenient for the scrag end OW wouldn't it.

OP did say she'd sent her a link to this thread...

Nope, there's no coming back from that sort of betrayal and pain. It would be completely unsalvageable for me for both of them.

What is the position of your husband in all of this? Is he genuinely remorseful or trying to minimise it.

The same happened to my dad. In the end, my mum, his best friend, their family and friends all set out to make my dad look like the bad one, saying he was hard to live with etc. It has never excused their behaviour, even if he was (to an extent). Weak people try to shift blame rather than accept their part in it, especially something as heinous as this.

I just mean that the dc get the brunt of this. Regardless of whose head is held higher or who is morally in the right, they're the ones the whole school will be talking about.

She’s not helping herself by trying to control the narrative and minimise her role in the betrayal. It shows no self awareness and introspection. If people who support her want to stay friends and invite her around their families and husbands more fool them. She obviously hasn’t accepted that this kind of behaviour is unforgivable therefore she will likely do it again.

I feel sorry for the children. Rather than taking the criticism on the chin, she continuing this campaign which ultimately is hurting her children (and yours) by making it more gossip amongst the school parents. As a result, their school friends will be more likely to get in on it too which will be very hurtful and embarrassing. I have personal experience of a similar situation as a child and it really is awful, especially when you are a pre-teen and are full of angst and shame anyway.

Does your husband realise what a betrayal of his children it was? To make them the butt of the joke and cause their friendships to implode? Are they aware of what is going on? Unfortunately again, from experience, it will colour the way they view him for the rest of their lives.

You are doing so well, finding your fight, for your children and your self respect. Live in the knowledge that you are not a liar or a cheat, and did not blow up your children’s world for your own momentary pleasure.

Have I got this right?
Hypocritical and judgemental Hyacinth Bucket on the PTA dropped her knickers, electing to do so to her BF and neighbour in a small road in a one horse village? Your idiot husband - if he’s not much older than you then about the age to be the slapper’s son - colluded and betrayed his life-long partner and children?
That destructive and jealous cow wanted to have what you had? This selfish and self-serving shit is pleading for a second chance?
Take back the power. You’re in a position to evaluate what you want and what your children need in the next chapter of your life. Do this independently of his pleas.

I think the DC who are going to bear the brunt are the ones of the OW, who are going to hear all sorts of names about their mother.

You should not be ashamed

It will take you time but you will be strong again and then kick that MF to the kerb

I'm sorry you're dealing with this OP. It's horrendous.

you have that exactly right.

I have found my fight. There has been quite a lot of movement today (at a year 3 party for Christs sake) basically her accusing half the village of affairs and god knows what else. Shes hung her self. I don’t need to do anything. I would like to think she is hanging her head in shame, but she won’t be. A total embarrassment. I’m getting stronger for my boys, and he actions will define her, not me.

Great OP. No need for revenge or eye for an eye. Shitty people have a way of exposing themselves to others. Just takes time. Sounds a sad and pathetic (unhappy) OW. Wouldn’t give your DP the time of day either. Let him regret it as he sure as fate will but that not be your problem. Best revenge is going on to live the best life you can with your DC. Definitely don’t move. You might need 🍿 to see how this all pans out.