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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband and best friends affair

221 replies

growgirl · 21/05/2025 20:13

My world was turned upside down last week with the discovery of my husbands affair with my best friend at the time. It all ended last year apparently.

we looked after each others kids all the time (they are best friends), I was even picking her child up from school when they were fucking in a hotel. I think what makes this worse is I genuinely wanted to help her while her husband was working away so we were socialising all the time as she lives a few doors down. My husband was also her PT 🙄 great excuse for a couple of hours a week together I guess 😆

i comforted her when she was crying about her relationship breaking down (while she was fucking my husband) and i suspected it at one point as I would go home and he would go back for ‘one last drink’ I found it disrespectful at the time and we would argue about it all the time. I guess that’s what they spoke about when they confided in each other about their awful marriages 🤢

long story short, 2 marriages destroyed, the doctor has prescribed me diazepam to try and control how I’m feeling. He is still here at the moment as I do not feel strong enough to be in this house on my own with my kids as trying to function is impossible right now. I’ve lost half a stone in 3 days!

is this even salvageable? The levels of disrespect are off the scale in every direction I look. I just need to be stronger before I make any huge decisions. I also need to move out of this village asap. It’s gossip central and I am so ashamed. The school runs are unbearable. A few people I genuinely trusted knew and this is just another punch in the gut. He is obviously very sorry but I suspect that is because he was caught.

wise words please 🙏🏻. I am broken 😞

OP posts:
unbelieveable22 · 26/05/2025 19:33

growgirl · 26/05/2025 18:48

I have found my fight. There has been quite a lot of movement today (at a year 3 party for Christs sake) basically her accusing half the village of affairs and god knows what else. Shes hung her self. I don’t need to do anything. I would like to think she is hanging her head in shame, but she won’t be. A total embarrassment. I’m getting stronger for my boys, and he actions will define her, not me.

Please don't say she went to the party. She has no shame. Watch her world shrink as people create some distance from her.
Glad to read how much progress you have made since your first post. Hold on to that new found inner strength. You are doing yourself and your boys proud. 👏👏

Pennula · 26/05/2025 19:43

@growgirl @18.48:
So Hyacinth is a stranger to morality, dignity and the plot? Her performance should silence the hate campaigners, estrange her husband, vindicate you and serve a hefty slice of humiliation to your DH who effing deserves it.
Game over to you OP!
Sit back and watch the fireworks. 😂

Woodenpergola · 26/05/2025 20:01

Hyacinth sounds…..unhinged? I would honestly take a massive step back op. You can hold your head high but this woman is probably going to combust. She has been seen in a way she never thought would happen, her most ugly side has been revealed to all. Don’t be in the vicinity when she blows up, this is nothing to do with you, she is not your friend anymore.

OchreRaven · 26/05/2025 20:32

Very strange behaviour from Hyacinth. Lashing out at bystanders to alienate herself further.

I was worried at the beginning of this that if OP didn’t take her H back he would revert to the OW and she would have to see them together everyday. Now I think that sounds like an appropriate punishment for her H. He should have to live with her. She sounds awful!

@growgirl When they go low, go high. No need to do anything but be there for your children and get some therapy. You have good friends around you who have your back, you don’t need to lower yourself to her accusations and vitriol.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 26/05/2025 22:19

@growgirl OP your last update is brilliant!! hung herself well and truly!!! your pride remains intact and everyone knows that! her house will be on the market soon!

JJxxxxx · 27/05/2025 00:04

growgirl · 21/05/2025 20:13

My world was turned upside down last week with the discovery of my husbands affair with my best friend at the time. It all ended last year apparently.

we looked after each others kids all the time (they are best friends), I was even picking her child up from school when they were fucking in a hotel. I think what makes this worse is I genuinely wanted to help her while her husband was working away so we were socialising all the time as she lives a few doors down. My husband was also her PT 🙄 great excuse for a couple of hours a week together I guess 😆

i comforted her when she was crying about her relationship breaking down (while she was fucking my husband) and i suspected it at one point as I would go home and he would go back for ‘one last drink’ I found it disrespectful at the time and we would argue about it all the time. I guess that’s what they spoke about when they confided in each other about their awful marriages 🤢

long story short, 2 marriages destroyed, the doctor has prescribed me diazepam to try and control how I’m feeling. He is still here at the moment as I do not feel strong enough to be in this house on my own with my kids as trying to function is impossible right now. I’ve lost half a stone in 3 days!

is this even salvageable? The levels of disrespect are off the scale in every direction I look. I just need to be stronger before I make any huge decisions. I also need to move out of this village asap. It’s gossip central and I am so ashamed. The school runs are unbearable. A few people I genuinely trusted knew and this is just another punch in the gut. He is obviously very sorry but I suspect that is because he was caught.

wise words please 🙏🏻. I am broken 😞

Bless you ☹️
I hope you’re doing okay!!!
I completely understand how you feel to be betrayed by two of the people you love the most is a horrible feeling.

I had the same experience years ago…
I tried to forgive but honestly you are never able to let it go… I found myself cautious to have female friends around my partner, I isolated myself a lot without even realising what I was doing.

I saw sense after a good few years of trying to make things work for my children’s sake… don’t make the same mistake I did.

Just to add:
I also found out after we split that the idiot I was with had even continued his seedy behaviour throughout with other women… to the level of taking my at the time 2 young children on a date with another woman! but that’s a different story, he obviously just thought he would always have forgiveness…

As for her she’s not your friend! A friend would never betray you in that way!

let the gossips gossip! You are the innocent 😇
you have absolutely no reason to feel ashamed or embarrassed!
you deserve so much better!!!

Be strong and know your worth

❤️

Original poster
growgirl · 29/05/2025 17:21

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 26/05/2025 22:19

@growgirl OP your last update is brilliant!! hung herself well and truly!!! your pride remains intact and everyone knows that! her house will be on the market soon!

Here’s hoping! I think the majority of the village would be over the moon. I think her rampage has died down for a couple of days. Seems to be mostly when she’s drunk! I’ve been getting a lot of messages from mums from the school, some I barely spoke to with messages of support and distaste for her. This is the problem with always needing to be in the centre of everything, when the shit hits the fan and the shoe is on the other foot, you come off looking worse! I refuse to give her the response she so desperately wants. My only concern is my children and rebuilding myself. She has sunk her own ship. I’ve spoken to all the people I need to to make sure I do not have to see or speak to her for the foreseeable so my only focus now is making my children feel safe and secure.

OP posts:
OchreRaven · 29/05/2025 17:45

Good for you @growgirl How are things with your husband?

Original poster
growgirl · 29/05/2025 17:49

OchreRaven · 29/05/2025 17:45

Good for you @growgirl How are things with your husband?

Errrrrm good question. He’s obviously just trying to do everything to make it work. He’s answering my questions and owning the situation. My heads all over the place so I can only really focus on myself at the moment. I start therapy tomorrow so hopefully I can start making steps forward and then deal with what is going on at home.

OP posts:
Christmaschildcare · 30/05/2025 20:59

Good luck @growgirl

Smoronic · 30/05/2025 21:15

I have no idea how your husband isn't under a patio or at least head first in the wheelie bin

Original poster
growgirl · 30/05/2025 22:24

Smoronic · 30/05/2025 21:15

I have no idea how your husband isn't under a patio or at least head first in the wheelie bin

Mainly because my children need their Dad!

OP posts:
ToutesetBonne · 31/05/2025 08:00

growgirl · 30/05/2025 22:24

Mainly because my children need their Dad!

Show quote history

Sadly, I wouldn't be so sure about that. Not much of a role model, is he? I'm so sorry.

Original poster
growgirl · 03/02/2026 07:30

Just re read this for the first time in 8 months! Wow. I will have to write an update when I have time because so much has happened. I can barely believe it myself! The support I received here and in real life was truly amazing. Thank you again ladies. X

OP posts:
OchreRaven · 03/02/2026 08:37

@growgirl so glad you have been getting lots of support in RL too. I have thought about you over the months and sent lots of good vibes your way. Would love to know what’s happened since you last posted. Really hope you are finding your feet and life has settled for you and the kids.

OchreRaven · 03/02/2026 08:39

Oh and I hope the ex bf house is on the market!!

Original poster
growgirl · 03/02/2026 09:20

OchreRaven · 03/02/2026 08:39

Oh and I hope the ex bf house is on the market!!

It is 🥳 I have work but I will come back to this for sure!

OP posts:
EveryOtherNameTaken · 03/02/2026 19:30

Look forward to it.

Didimum · 04/02/2026 08:04

growgirl · 03/02/2026 09:20

It is 🥳 I have work but I will come back to this for sure!

Show quote history

Wow, so glad this popped up again. I remember you well.

marshyrun · 05/02/2026 11:11

Please provide an update when you can OP, I remember reading this last year and my heart breaking for you! I really hope you're happy and I'm praying your update is that you binned the scumbag and you and the kids are as happy as ever! xx

boringbiscuits · 05/02/2026 15:25

@growgirl hope you're doing OK, do update us when you can. I hope you and your children are happy 🙂

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