Husband and best friends affair

[growgirl]

My world was turned upside down last week with the discovery of my husbands affair with my best friend at the time. It all ended last year apparently.

we looked after each others kids all the time (they are best friends), I was even picking her child up from school when they were fucking in a hotel. I think what makes this worse is I genuinely wanted to help her while her husband was working away so we were socialising all the time as she lives a few doors down. My husband was also her PT 🙄 great excuse for a couple of hours a week together I guess 😆

i comforted her when she was crying about her relationship breaking down (while she was fucking my husband) and i suspected it at one point as I would go home and he would go back for ‘one last drink’ I found it disrespectful at the time and we would argue about it all the time. I guess that’s what they spoke about when they confided in each other about their awful marriages 🤢

long story short, 2 marriages destroyed, the doctor has prescribed me diazepam to try and control how I’m feeling. He is still here at the moment as I do not feel strong enough to be in this house on my own with my kids as trying to function is impossible right now. I’ve lost half a stone in 3 days!

is this even salvageable? The levels of disrespect are off the scale in every direction I look. I just need to be stronger before I make any huge decisions. I also need to move out of this village asap. It’s gossip central and I am so ashamed. The school runs are unbearable. A few people I genuinely trusted knew and this is just another punch in the gut. He is obviously very sorry but I suspect that is because he was caught.

wise words please 🙏🏻. I am broken 😞

Something similar ended my marriage and I was truly heart broken. It has been difficult but I have put the kids first and done my best to make a good life post-marriage.

They are still together, not particularly happy by the sound of it, and I don’t care too much one way or the other.

One friend knew and never told me. I felt betrayed and asked her about this, and she simply hoped it would blow over, she did not want to create drama, and when it all came out, she cut all ties with both of them. She was angry they had put her in such a difficult position.

It was generally humiliating for me, but that was irrelevant as I had a life to rebuild. Looking back, I am proud that I always behaved with integrity and I have washed my hands of these horrible people who deserve each other.

Take care of you and your future.

Don't do anything right now - get yourself sorted out mentally first, at your speed. Then think about what is best for you and your kids in the long term.

This.
It might feel raw just now but you can get through this. They have both deceived you in the worst way imaginable……I wonder what her OH thinks??
Be strong. Sending supportive hugs

I think I may be finding my anger

I couldn’t read and not reply. Right now take each hour as it comes. Your mind will either be in free fall or frozen in times across the day. This immediate period is not about planning or even next week. I am 2 years 1 month exactly from d day. I can only say if you were physically damaged, in an accident or incapacitated you would be in bed and recuperating. This level of betrayal / discoveries and the realisation of the level of deceit is a disconnect to your very core / etc. emotionally and psychologically it’s a total mind F&£K.
The time will come when you suddenly say to yourself - no enough is enough and you will find your angry self! You will turn around and begin to suddenly see the wood for the treas. right now give your time to over come this monumental shock!! You will only make yourself ill - and as hard as it might be you will need to lean on friends/ outside agencies- cleaner or home help / if affordable - just to get you through!! I am so so sorry what an absolute pair of C u next Tuesdays

Good 👏🏻 But don’t lash out. Use that anger to plan and plot. Take back control and let him guess what you are thinking.

As for her, never talk to her again. No explanation will ever make you feel better and she doesn’t deserve to alleviate her guilt.

My mum had an affair with my dad's best friend for a couple of years before his wife found out. It devastated my dad. He said he'd never known pain like it. It's awful because the people you would ordinarily turn to first for support have betrayed you in the most horrendous way.

I'm glad you're finding your anger. It will give you strength and the impetus to hold your head high.

Please don’t move! Why should you give up everything - you have nothing to be ashamed of. I live in a village and this has happened a couple of times in my years on the school run - trust me - everyone is disgusted by the cheaters. Everyone supports you and thinks they are awful. But telling you is a whole other story - I discovered long ago not to interfere in other people’s relationships. Bizarre as it sounds the person you try to tell to be supportive ends up hating you. Sadly everyone knows if it’s going to come out, it will, and telling you sooner wouldn’t change anything, they’d still be the awful people that they are. So stay put, let them do the school runs and feel the shame.

You WILL get past it and rise up and glow one day but you've got to process the shit storm first which will take a while. Look after your basic care needs as much as possible
And prioritize your health. Go and stay with a friend or your mum if you can for a few days x

On a different thread, a poster referred to someone as “substandard” and I think that sums up perfectly the two complete arseholes who did this. They are substandard.
How the utter shame didn’t eat them alive, I will never know. What I do know op, is that this is nothing to do with you. All the shame, embarrassment, humiliation and fear you feel? Give it back to them because that’s where it belongs. Under no circumstances would I ever behave in such a revolting manner and I know you are the same op. You just wouldn’t do it so you have nothing to be embarrassed about.

You don’t have to make any decisions now. Take it hour by hour, try to look after yourself with exquisite care, because as a pp said, it’s literally like being in a massive car wreck. Whatever happens, you will absolutely survive this, because ultimately? You will realise you did nothing wrong. They are just sub standard people.

Sorry wrong thread…unfortunately lots of scum bag husbands around!

Substandard is a good word for both him and her, but I always like ‘ shabby’ .

I have no intention of lashing out. I’ve just confided in the people who needed to know now and who I see in around the village and on the school run so at least I have people around. I think everyone I have spoken to is absolutely disgusted so that will make her life extremely uncomfortable as she is someone who prides herself on her reputation which is in absolute tatters. She spends the majority of her life talking about other people so this will be unbearable. I also sent her a link to this thread (may have called her a desperate old slag too) but she is nearly 20 years older than me so I think I deserved that little dig 🤷🏼‍♀️

Good on you! Tell EVERYONE and i'm glad she can see exactly what we all think of her too! She is a desperate old slag! Stealing her "best friends" husband. She should be ashamed of herself

She’s a fucking pig. FYI…my mum cheated on my dad (though not with his BFF, which is the absolute lowest of the low), and I’ve never forgiven her. She threw a grenade into my childhood. I hope this homewrecker’s family treat her with the same callous disregard that she has given the stability of their childhood. 😘

Any bad behaviour thrives in dark corners it’s better to get it all out in the open.

Unhappy people bitch and gossip about other people. She was insecure and jealous of you. You’re youthful with an athletic husband. Her marriage wasn’t going well and she felt unloved and unwanted. She saw what you had and wanted it / wanted to tear you down. Small people do things like that. She was never your friend. Sleeping with your husband was probably more about you than him.

Your husband is no better, he was put to the test and he failed.

How embarrassing…for them.

I think you have that spot on! My sister in law said exactly the same thing! Apparently she referred to my children as her step children as a joke 🤢

Advertise your devastation for your children widely.

No one can ever argue that it is the children who ultimately pay the price for low life's like these two.

WTF??! She’s so desperate. How is that funny knowing she was actually sleeping with your husband? Or did she say it after this all came out?

She probably thought he would leave you for her and she could have your life. Throw in a few ‘sorry but we couldn’t help it, it was love’ and they would sail off into the sunset.

I’m sure it was a hard dose of reality when he ended it and she realised she was just an illicit shag to get some thrills. Now she faces humiliation and shunning by anyone with a decent bone in their body.

Hold your head high and don’t be scared to shine a light on their betrayal.

@growgirl what a pair of shits they are!. No need to lash out, but id make their sad little lives (covertly) a living hell.

they have done that for themselves! I’ve spoken to the school to make sure we never have to face each other at the gates…. I can only imagine that would be quite embarrassing for a member of the PTA 🙃

Is your DH still living with you?

Dont fall into the easy trap of blaming her more than him. Yes, what she did as your best friend is absolutely terrible. But what he has done to your marriage and family unit is worse.

You are so much better off without these two incredibly selfish assholes in your life. A PT snd his wife's best friend - what a cliché.

It may not seem like it immediately but it will in time.

See mad, get the best divorce lawyer you can and live the best life for you and your children. You are so much better off without either of them.

Really? My best friend has been with me through thick and thin. I’d no more fuck her over than I would my DH. If her husband was even remotely inappropriate with me he’d be told in no uncertain terms to fuck right off. Because I do not have the emotional intelligence of a teaspoon. They are both equally to blame.