Proposal resentment

[Definitelymaybenoyes]

Together 3 years, known eachother well for almost 7.

1 child from a previous relationship, 1 child together.

Neither of us have been married before.

F(29) M(41).

Is it time? Am I kidding myself? Is he dangling a carrot that isn't ever going to fall?

We have spoken about my feelings surrounding marriage multiple times over the last year.

Probably not

Why are you waiting for him to propose??

Because I'd like to get married.

Who’s is the previous child?

Then propose to him? Or stop waiting around and say right let's set a date?

Ask him if he wants to get married if he makes excuses you know your answer, you can then decide if you wish to proceed . Don’t waste time wondering when if ever he may propose .

So have a grown up conversation?!

We've had many. He says he will marry me, but doesn't want to get married. It's very confusing. If we argue he sometimes will say "I'm never going to marry you".

So he’s actually horrible.

So propose to him?

I didn’t in the least want to get married, after many years happily together, but it mattered to my DP, so I said ok, on the basis that we did it with two witnesses. I’d rather not have, if I’m honest, but some compromises are inevitable. Thirteen years on, we’re still happy. I frequently forget we’re married.

Take him at his word. I’d stop bringing it up and decide if you’re going to stay with him knowing he won’t marry you.

I don’t understand why you want to get married to someone who behaves like this. Hardly a role model for your children.

Me too, probably a therapy job ey.

Ah. I think you need to accept that being married isn't for him. What you need to work out is it this a deal breaker for you?

Ps he doesn't sound very loving.

This, how did you meet him? You were early 20s him mid 30s?
Agree with pp that he really doesn't sound v nice to you!

Oh. How lovely. So what exactly is making you think he will marry you?

Better to be on your own than to be this badly accompanied as you are now.

He has got what he wants out of this relationship and you have all too readily handed over your power and control to him without the legal protection of being married.

What is the attraction for you now?. Do you really want to marry this man given the arguments?. What sort of example is he to your children?.

you have a child together and that's more of a commitment than a marriage.

but if he's never been married and he's 41, he's never going to change his mind.

Not legally it's not!

My ex proposed after making me wait for 6 years. He knew how much I wanted to marry him and, in hindsight, I was pathetic and desperate for him to propose. Also in hindsight I can see that he was always quite clear that he didn't really want to get married. I should have taken him at his word.

We broke up before marriage and again in hindsight it was for the best. His proposal reluctance made me insecure in the relationship and gave him a lot of power as I tried to be the perfect girlfriend and earn his proposal. There was a lot of underlying resentment and he didn't treat me well.

you have a child together and that's more of a commitment than a marriage.

For the mum, definitely. For the man? No. They can and do walk away if and when they choose. Sadly I know of women who say that having a child with 'him' means they have a part of him forever. The sentiment bears nothing to the reality of having a child with someone who walks away.

He probably wants to be married to you but not have a wedding

Believe him - he is telling you he does not want to get married.

The pretending to want to marry but then he doesn't is to keep you hanging - so you continue to provide childcare, housework etc.

So decide how you want to live this one life. Waiting for someone who does not feel the same or making plans to move on.

I think he is telling you loud and clear that he doesn't want to marry you.
Why would you want to drag somebody this reluctant into a wedding ceremony because I think the chances of it lasting would be very low.
I think I would be reconsidering the relationship.

Err... I'm struggling to see why you are still with him?