Do sleezy men ever grow up?

[RebaJ22]

So.. quite new to the recent dating scene, gave up a while ago and have been on my own 5 years, was in that relationship for 6 years. Thought I’d put myself out there, done my healing worked on myself and now I’m regretting it BIG TIME!

Guys my age and younger(I’m 32 btw) just seem to want to jump straight into bed, not for me. So I thought I’d give an older guy a chance, 42 for context. 2 days in he’s asked me on a date, told him I’m more shy in person and then he hits me with “I like a shy girl means I have to work harder to get her into bed”.. I’m done. I’m putting myself back in the non- dating box for good!

Do they ever grow up?

No, I don’t think they do, I know men in their 50’s who are just as sleezy.

No. There’s been threads on here when men into their 60s and 70s are repulsive.

honestly that’s all they ever think about. yuck

The ones who are sleazy never change.

Sometimes they do, but usually not so don’t hold your breath

No. They just become older sleezy men.

No. I know many married men who just hide their real persona behind their families and responsibilities.

No, because they're always reinforced by other sleazeballs and they consume a lot of porn.

Also, in their heads they're signaling their virility to other men. They really only care about the approval of other men who are just like them, and their standing in the male hierarchy.

I recently read online that these types believe they're in competition with the top 5% of very desirable men when it comes to securing a relationship with a woman, whereas in fact they're in competition with the peace women have when they're happily single. Or they're in competition with cats in general.

No. I’m nearly 60 and had a foray into OLD. I was getting sleazy messages from men in their 70’s 🤮

Honestly most of the messages I felt like I’d matched with Jay from The Inbetweeners rather than men old enough to be grandfathers

Sleazy tends to stay sleazy.
Good tends to stay good.
Good also tends to get taken and kept - or broken until they’re no longer any good.
Which means that the sleazy / good ratio can go down rapidly, doesn’t mean there’s not good out there, it’s just harder to find.

They’re mostly all watching porn and it’s further changed the way they think about and behave towards women (and maybe children and animals). Whereas before, men might have felt some moral or societal need to control and dampen down their urges, porn, the dark web and other changes brought about by the internet, means lots of men are now sex-obsessed and feel it’s totally acceptable to behave in anyway at all.

And like a PP said, a lot of them ‘hide’ behind family, children and other markers of respectability. Truth is, we don’t know what awful things go on in a lot of men’s minds.

Yup.

I went on my first solo Saga holiday last year. Oh. Dear.

The old goat across the road from me has hit on every single widow and female carer in the street. He first tried it on with me when my husband was still alive.

As I've said elsewhere on Mumsnet, he claimed to be in his 50s. The only bit of him that's that age would be his false teeth. [ETA When he found out that I was in my 60s, suddenly he was too. No, he's not.]

@mathanxiety

@WearyAuldWumman oh please tell us more 🤣

The one I remember clearly was 79 and resembled Dobby’s more wizened brother who told me I was a fine filly who needed a good ride - never has my vagina slammed shut so quickly 🤢

Not the sleazy ones, no. Bin the sleazy ones.

Absolutely agree. I’m very content with my single life and enjoying my friendship group and man free life.

It would take someone very special for me to give up my peace and that’s not 60 year old Dave from Romford telling me I’ve got cracking tits he’d like to shove his face into

They don't "grow up" because there is nothing to grow out of, they are sleazy because they are sleazy and those that they hang around with re-enforce the bahaviour.

So it never gets better? The replies have just confirmed for me that I am, officially, retiring from dating!

It's probably not that interesting. He's vile. He's a widower. My late husband felt sorry for him.

I didn't really know the chap myself, but I stopped to chat when he asked how my husband was doing.

He reminds me of a tall lanky whited-haired version of George from "George and Mildred", but with Dennis Waterman's artificial teeth.

He started nattering on about not wanting to take the bus with pensioners because he was 'only in [his] 50s'

He started to talk about his heart trouble and some kind of pacemaker or other device. I can't quite explain it all, but I began to edge away at the point when he mentioned that his son had read the accompanying leaflet and had flagged up that the leaflet warns that the device can give your partner a shock during intercourse. He then suggested that he'd like to try that with me...

I feigned incomprehension and said that I had to get home.

I avoid him as much as possible these days. The last time he spoke to me was to suggest that it's easier for two to keep warm than one. (This was after my husband had died.)

Since then, I've been told by another neighbour that he spoke in an inappropriate manner to her daughter. The neighbour was worried that something might have happened to him - she's not seen him for a while: "I know he's been horrible, but I wouldn't like to think of him lying and needing help."

I made it plain that I've no intention of checking up on him. If he's finally expired at home, then so be it. [/heartless woman]

Bleeeeurgh.

FFS at your age?? Just keep being fussy. Filter, check, reject. Laugh about it! Just because there’s bad out there, doesn’t mean there’s not good as well.

@WearyAuldWumman thanks but I meant your Saga holiday !

I don't believe sleeziness is due to immaturity, so no, no growing out of. Best avoided all round and hopefully spotted as early as possible.