Do sleezy men ever grow up?

[RebaJ22]

So.. quite new to the recent dating scene, gave up a while ago and have been on my own 5 years, was in that relationship for 6 years. Thought I’d put myself out there, done my healing worked on myself and now I’m regretting it BIG TIME!

Guys my age and younger(I’m 32 btw) just seem to want to jump straight into bed, not for me. So I thought I’d give an older guy a chance, 42 for context. 2 days in he’s asked me on a date, told him I’m more shy in person and then he hits me with “I like a shy girl means I have to work harder to get her into bed”.. I’m done. I’m putting myself back in the non- dating box for good!

Do they ever grow up?

No, because sleaziness isn’t about immaturity. It’s a misogynistic attitude towards women which usually deeply held and persists throughout life.

I can imagine. When my friend was first single in her mid 50’s she went to something called the Salou Soul Week. She thought it would be a relaxed week in the sun with good music but it turned out to be a pensioners

Sorry! I wasn't sure! Apologies.

Okay. So most folk there were singles. There were a few couples and a few cases of women who had gone in pairs.

This was an all-inclusive holiday in Montenegro.

I finished up chumming up with 3 other women for meals, etc. A few nights a week. The youngest woman on the holiday was part of our group - she was a pretty blonde, only in her 50s.

Two blokes from London - clearly in their 70s - gravitated towards our group. The one who considered himself the Alpha headed towards the pretty blonde. As the next youngest, in my 60s - I was clearly being lined up as the "Don't fancy yours much!" for his pal.

During the entertainment evenings, they'd be coming over while we were dancing and asking us up. Not a problem - only dances. In the course of chatting, they explained that they were widowsers, sympathised with me, gave me the "life goes on" speech...

Going into everything will take too long, but they turned out to be thoroughly obnoxious. Would interrupt the entertainment and so on. When we women objected to the interruptions, the Alpha would claim that he couldn't understand our accents. (The other 3 women were English and two of them - including one of the women whom he "couldn't understand" spoke RP.)

They kept inviting us out to a night club and Alpha became increasingly angry when we didn't want to go.

At one point, they claimed to have climbed all the way up to a monastery and to have had interesting conversations with the monks...When we told them that we'd been to the monastery at the time when they were supposed to be there, they got really annoyed...

There's much more to it, but the salient point is this: yes, they were both widowers...but they both had girlfriends back in London.

I am 44 and I found a good - non sleazy - one last year. Don’t give up - they do exist even if they are few and far between.

@WearyAuldWumman brilliant 🤣 thank you - so predictable that they scoped and homed In on the single ladies geoup, probably almost immediately, thinking you would be hugely flattered no doubt 🤣

Yep, and I know men in their 70's who are too. Sleezy men just continue to be sleezy till they die lol.

One evening we finally all burst out laughing in front of them. Alpha was not a happy bunny.

Men that are sleezy don't do it because they are young or immature. They do it because they are misogynistic dicks that think they own women's bodies, that don't respect women and therefore cannot understand they are being offensive because they think Thor's gift to women.

Can they change? Yes if they confront their misogyny, work on themselves, and may be get therapy. The problem is, 99.99999% of them lack self awareness. Misogyny is blinding so chances that they can change are slim to none

My friend and I went to Rhodes last year and pretty much kept ourselves to ourselves.

We’re late 50’s, well presented and active. Three older guys (late 60’s I’d say) who were all on the large side decided to try and latch onto us. Without being rude, they needed a taxi to and from the main strip (10 minutes walk) because one had COPD and emphysema and another walked with sticks. Yet they seemed convinced that we would be interested in them and kept asking us to meet up with them later.

The fact one of them wore a T-shirt on a night out saying 💩 4 brains was really a selling point 🤦‍♀️ And one morning, one of them trapped my mate at the pool bar telling her how we’d missed him puking in the ice bucket the previous night after too many BOGOF cocktails.

How we resisted I just don’t know

Just what went through my mind as I was reading your comment - how could you possibly resist an attractive crew like that!?

@TwistedWonder 🤣🤣🤣 I do grudgingly respect the self deprecating t shirt though

No.

I know someone who was notorious for trying to grope women (i.e.sexually assault).

He was 90 when he died and was reported to the police for trying to grope one of his carers 2 weeks before.

They do it because there are women who also want, sexting, no-strings sex, flings and everything in between. The op isn't one of them...
This may be an anathema to Mumsnetters.

Maybe. Not many I think. Probably more who are gullible, naive, who want to believe what they’re being told.

Or maybe you know they want to have sex...

Short answer - No
Long answer - Definitely not

Separated and not getting into bed with anyone until we have had about ten dates. Not getting myself hurt or used. It would just knock me back. I see so many unhappy relationships on this I’m wondering is it best to stay single forever!

Which is absolutely fine if both parties are happy with that but we’re generally talking about men who steam in with the sleazy chat straight away pushing women’s boundaries even when the women are clear they’re not looking for something casual.

The sort of men whose opening message is ‘cracking tits love’ or ‘you look like a bird who likes anal’

Yet some women are responsive to that. We aren't a homogenous group.

We've already had posters wanting to wait for 10 dates or more before sex..

I think that's exactly exactly the point, it must work for some women, or they'd wise up surely? Was a comment on here the other day, with a woman saying she'd slept with 150 men, vs above comment & 10 dates minimum for another, I'd say rather different approaches & attitudes would apply.

I'm male, not OLD'd tho, can't quite believe guys would be so moronic & sleazy on there, hate to think of my daughter having to deal with that sort of sleazy crap from dickheads in future.

Again we’re not talk b about women who are responsive to that sort of message.

We’re talking talking about men who go straight in with sleaze without having a clue whether the women will be responsive or when the women clearly state-they’re not looking for something casual.

Surely anyone decent would see his the land lies before testing the boundaries?

And not sure what your last point is tbh. Surely that’s even more reason not to start with sex talk from the off?

Tbh one of my friends has slept with well over 100 men and a second currently has 3 FWB so not exactly shy about sex but they still don’t expect a man to hire his first shot with something sleazy before they even get chance to say hello.

Absolutely not. I’m 34 I’ve had gross messages from all ages. Whilst there are decent respectful men on there, they’re few and far between. I no longer bother I would rather be single permanently than deal with OLD. Maybe I’ll meet someone in person one day 🤣

In short…. one of my ex boyfriends 😂

He is now 58 …..going on 17.