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Original poster

Unsure of what to think

26 replies

ByMintShaker · 03/01/2025 22:03

Hi everyone, I have joined this app in a attempt to get some advice as I have no one else to turn to due to embarrassment.
My and my partner have been together 5 years, the relationship is great but the sex is now non-existent. He always wants to kiss and cuddle but no sex.

I can't help but feel very Insecure about this, I feel like he finds me unattractive now. Going up one dress sizs makes me feel even worse as I feel like it's all started when I had noticeable weight gain. Although I do like the weight gain as its mainly gone on my thighs/bum/boobs. I can't help but think this is the cause.

When I ask him he denies this and when I say about we don't have sex he always apologises and says we will tomorrow but tomorrow never comes.
I now feel too embarrassed to initiate sex with him and I told him I feel like we are friends, he just disagrees.

He use to want to rip my clothes off as soon as we got in, and every morning he use to wake up with a erection wanting it but now I can't even remember the last time he has a erection around me.

Please is this normal for relationships?
Thanks

OP posts:
Comportment · 03/01/2025 22:05

How old are you both?

Most men start off like your man (horny) and don't change.

Can he still get a boner?
Any chance he has a side piece?
Could he be a closet homo?

Deebee90 · 03/01/2025 22:06

You know him best. If you think it’s the weight gain then you need to decide what to do. You can lose the weight and he still might not change. I’d decide if he’s the one for you or not and whether you want a sexless relationship

Original poster
ByMintShaker · 03/01/2025 22:10

I dont think he is a closet homo. He hardly goes out unless it's with me, and yeah he can get a erection. We had sex drunk like 2 months ago and it was all in working order. Nothing since then.

Before me he went several years without sex so I know he can go without, but I can't help but feel insecure about this

OP posts:
AlertCat · 03/01/2025 22:12

How old are you both?

Morning wood is a sign of good general health in men, so if he no longer gets this at all it might be a sign to have a health checkup. Can he get an erection at any time?

After five years I guess sex is going to ebb and flow more than in the earlier days. Moods, stress, tiredness… all influence how horny people feel. FWIW, I doubt if one dress size will have put your partner off you. Most men don’t even notice one dress size (IME).

Original poster
ByMintShaker · 03/01/2025 22:13

Deebee90 · 03/01/2025 22:06

You know him best. If you think it’s the weight gain then you need to decide what to do. You can lose the weight and he still might not change. I’d decide if he’s the one for you or not and whether you want a sexless relationship

I'm not sure if it's my insecurities making me think this. He is always touching me saying I look nice and he makes comments if I'm naked, in the shower etc but we jusy never have sex. It's also like he's giving me mixed messages

OP posts:
Original poster
ByMintShaker · 03/01/2025 22:16

AlertCat · 03/01/2025 22:12

How old are you both?

Morning wood is a sign of good general health in men, so if he no longer gets this at all it might be a sign to have a health checkup. Can he get an erection at any time?

After five years I guess sex is going to ebb and flow more than in the earlier days. Moods, stress, tiredness… all influence how horny people feel. FWIW, I doubt if one dress size will have put your partner off you. Most men don’t even notice one dress size (IME).

We are both 27.

Yeah my partner didn't really notice, i had been the same size for years so going up one size was a massive thing for me.

He always comments on my body and makes remarks like 'mmm' when I'm naked and stuff like that.
He always asking for kisses and cuddles, I do think if he didn't want to be with me he wouldn't even do that but I can't help being insecure

OP posts:
Original poster
ByMintShaker · 03/01/2025 22:21

Deebee90 · 03/01/2025 22:06

You know him best. If you think it’s the weight gain then you need to decide what to do. You can lose the weight and he still might not change. I’d decide if he’s the one for you or not and whether you want a sexless relationship

I have mentioned to him about me losing a bit of weight and he just says I'm perfect the way I am and he likes me how i am.

I've just started working out in private to try and get back to my old size

OP posts:
Comportment · 03/01/2025 22:45

I dont think its the tiny bit of weight gain. It'll be something else.

It's not normal for a bloke in his mid 20s.

Original poster
ByMintShaker · 03/01/2025 23:00

Comportment · 03/01/2025 22:45

I dont think its the tiny bit of weight gain. It'll be something else.

It's not normal for a bloke in his mid 20s.

Yeah he probably doesn't fancy me anymore lol

OP posts:
Comportment · 03/01/2025 23:03

ByMintShaker · 03/01/2025 23:00

Yeah he probably doesn't fancy me anymore lol

Show quote history

But why though? It wont be your looks, you're only 27!

Have you had any big fallings out or is he complaining about anything all the time?

BilboBlaggin · 03/01/2025 23:05

Do you ever kiss and cuddle in bed OP? What does he do if you try to touch him intimately, or do you never initiate?

Original poster
ByMintShaker · 03/01/2025 23:06

Comportment · 03/01/2025 23:03

But why though? It wont be your looks, you're only 27!

Have you had any big fallings out or is he complaining about anything all the time?

Show quote history

No, we are so good. We hardly ever argue, we are always laughing. Our relationship is so good, it's just the lack of sex. I don't know what the reason could be, I think im just trying to kid myself, if he wanted to he would do it

OP posts:
Original poster
ByMintShaker · 03/01/2025 23:10

BilboBlaggin · 03/01/2025 23:05

Do you ever kiss and cuddle in bed OP? What does he do if you try to touch him intimately, or do you never initiate?

Yeah we kiss and cuddle in bed, we cuddle watching tv and he asks for kisses throughout the day. We hold hands when we're out, all that jazz
If it goes to more than that, he usually says something like 'I'm tired, we can do it tomorrow' and then like tomorrow never comes

OP posts:
Original poster
ByMintShaker · 03/01/2025 23:11

BilboBlaggin · 03/01/2025 23:05

Do you ever kiss and cuddle in bed OP? What does he do if you try to touch him intimately, or do you never initiate?

If I have been initiating he has twice shut me down in the past and it's left me feeling so embarrassed

OP posts:
Comportment · 03/01/2025 23:15

Whats strange is the change in him. Some guys (not many) aren't natural horn dogs and arent bothered, but the fact only a few years ago you said he was wanting it every morning and ripping your clothes off on a night shows he was like most men back then. And given you say he's not distant, shows affection, his bits still work, he doesnt disappear out mysteriously then it doesnt sound like he's getting it elsewhere. As this is MN Im surprised nobody has mentioned a porn addiction yet!

Original poster
ByMintShaker · 03/01/2025 23:18

Comportment · 03/01/2025 23:15

Whats strange is the change in him. Some guys (not many) aren't natural horn dogs and arent bothered, but the fact only a few years ago you said he was wanting it every morning and ripping your clothes off on a night shows he was like most men back then. And given you say he's not distant, shows affection, his bits still work, he doesnt disappear out mysteriously then it doesnt sound like he's getting it elsewhere. As this is MN Im surprised nobody has mentioned a porn addiction yet!

I wouldn't be surprised if he did at this point, ive never caught him but he knows I'd be upset if I found out so he probably hides it well

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/01/2025 00:31

Is he healthy and taking care of himself? If he eats and drinks rubbish all day and plays video games instead of exercising it's not good for libido

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/01/2025 00:32

Is he stressed about work?

username299 · 04/01/2025 01:10

It doesn't really matter why. The fact is you're in your 20s and in a sexless relationship. You've spoken to him about it and nothing's changed.

Once your sex life has gone it's very difficult to get it back. So you need to decide if you want to remain in a sexless relationship.

Original poster
ByMintShaker · 04/01/2025 01:13

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/01/2025 00:31

Is he healthy and taking care of himself? If he eats and drinks rubbish all day and plays video games instead of exercising it's not good for libido

For the past year he's been getting lazier on the weekends than he usually was, playing video games, smoking weed stuff like that so maybe this has something to do with it

OP posts:
caramelcappucino · 04/01/2025 01:21

ByMintShaker · 04/01/2025 01:13

For the past year he's been getting lazier on the weekends than he usually was, playing video games, smoking weed stuff like that so maybe this has something to do with it

Show quote history

Weed definitely has something to do with it. It is absolutely notorious for completely drying out men’s libido functions. They just no longer crave sex because they’re always in a dazed state. Does he smoke more often now than the last time you had intercourse? It sounds like his mental health is not in a good place.

Or do you think he's fine and he could just be getting it elsewhere whether that’s online addiction or another woman?

Original poster
ByMintShaker · 04/01/2025 01:29

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 04/01/2025 00:32

Is he stressed about work?

No. He has a good job now, gets along with his boss. I went to the Christmas party and we all had a good time. His boss treats him well as well so I can't imagine he's stressed about work

OP posts:
Original poster
ByMintShaker · 04/01/2025 01:37

Part of me thinks he's getting it elsewhere maybe online. But I've never caught him doing anything like that, he told me he hardly masturbates anymore but I'm not sure if I believe it. I refuse to believe he doesn't atleast do that considering we aren't intimate.

I just can't get my head around him being affectionate with me but not wanting to be intimate I thought it would all fade away.

I am going to question him tomorrow, for me no sex isn't a deal breaker if he just admitted to me he doesn't want to do it anymore, but it's the false hope he gives me when he says tomorrow and never follows through. I just think why lie about it.
I also don't want my sex life to be over at 27 but for him I would do it because our relationship is something I've never had before, our bond is so strong.

He talks about marriage and kids a lot, and he also makes comments like ' You're not pregnant are you?' If I'm late and I just think how can be pregnant when you don't wanna have sex with me? It's all very confusing

OP posts:
SANDRAAAA · 04/01/2025 03:05

It's not the weight gain

user1492757084 · 04/01/2025 03:49

Both go in for general health checkups. Is he Diabetic? Over worked? Depressed?

And do initiate sex, why not?
Initiate other physical adventures too. Go swimming, walking, learn to paddle board. You are too young to settle for the sex life of an eighty-five year old invalid.(No offense meant to eighty-five year olds.)