ive him full access. I also have pictures of all the bruises I've had hidden in my phone in case I would ever need evidence of abuse - I've never ratted on him to police even though he has called the police on me and said I abused him (I never fight back ever). Neighbours have also called police when he's been violent and I've screamed but I've always denied any violence. The police referred me to safeguarding anyway and came to the house to give me a Claire's Law disclosure which showed a history of DV arrests many times previous relationships but he's always said it's them being violent first but because they are women a man is never believed. Tonight when I denied my password he flipped and punched me in the ribs, stamped on my hip then tried to strangle me before ripping top open and dragging me down the stairs to put me out of the house. I'm at his parents house now on sofa. Is it my fault? It seems a silly question reading back on this post, and deep down I know the answer but my perception of reality is so skewed with 4 years of physical and mental torture that I don't know what's real and what is not. I'm in bits and can't think straight. I'll guess I'm looking for validation, reassurance and hand holding. What do I do?