How would you feel if your boyfriend said this to you?

[Lampyegg]

Please tell me if I’m overreacting to this.
before I met my boyfriend I had a fling with another man, lasted a few weeks. I then met my boyfriend and we’ve been together nearly a year. A while into our relationship I found out my boyfriend’s knows my ex going and really dislikes him (think he’s a womaniser, which he is). He sometimes brings him up as in “I can’t believe you ever had a thing with him”.
tonight we had words over something else (housework) and my boyfriend said something along the lines of “well you were that desperate you went back to him 5 times didn’t you”
I am living at that, calling me desperate

Agree with him.. but that now you know your worth you won't be disrespected and ridiculed by his insecure ass so you are leaving and not coming back

Dump he will say this to you forever. It would just be something else if it wasn’t him. He just wants something he can put you down for. A massive red flag.

This, he'll throw this in your face forever. Dump him now before you waste any more time on him.

What do you think of the actual phrase he said? I can’t actually get over him saying that

Anyone who throws your past in your face needs immediate dumping

Red flag behaviour
His ego is so massive he can’t cope with the idea that you being with someone else is anything other than desperation. Honestly this wont end well- get rid

He is belittling you and showing contempt. Why stick around for more of the same? Get rid, find a better, nicer, kinder, more respectful person to be with.

He is doing it to hurt you and make you feel bad and small. Bin him it is not a normal things to say during a housework bicker

You've only been together under a year and you're already quarrelling and he's dragging up your past in a nasty attempt to shame you.

It's none of his business what you were doing before he met you and it shows a distinct lack of character that is he is insecure about your past and wants to use it as a stick to beat you with.

Dump him, he's not worth it.

He's a petty, small minded, jealous little toad of a man.

He telling you quite plainly what he thinks of you.

OP please, just do not put up with this. You have a past, why is he shaming you? He won't change (they NEVER do), just say thanks, but we're done...you are worth so much better xx

I agree with every poster on here. According to an old philosopher - Watch your thoughts, they become words; watch your words, they become actions; watch your actions, they become habits; watch your habits, they become character. All of us have thoughts, and we would not be human if we didn't. Most of us don't turn them into words to hurt someone else. I would move on. He will do this repeatedly and continually. Find someone who respects you for what you are now, regardless of your past. It's hard to break up I know, but better now than later. I personally would not tolerate the word "desperate" from anyone, even if that's what I might have been at the time, a kind partner does not ridicule your past. Hope it goes OK x

Thanks. It’s the word desperate that has really shook me.
firstly I can sleep with whoever I want before him and it doesn’t mean I was desperate, I made a choice at the time and was happy enough with it.
im so hurt by this

This will just be the tip of the ice berg. He’s likely to start holding anything he can against you in the future so leave now or you are teaching him it’s ok for him to talk to you like that.

Yes

Hmm he doesn’t respect you , thinks you’re a bit less than…. But You’re not, you are worth more than, but his insecurities make him think that way. Have you told him not to speak to you like that & disrespect you? If he does it again which I’m afraid he will then you need to leave him. When he crawls back remind him that he will think you’re desperate if you take him back …maybe if he shows how desperate he is you could give him another chance …

I’ve ended it now. Once he said it I told him i don’t accept him speaking to me like that.
he seems in genuine shock that I would’ve so appalled at this

He won't change.
What on earth has shaming you for something for to do with housework.
Been with men like this, they're horrible.
Choose kind, and you'll never go wrong.

👏👏👏

Cheap shots over the smallest thing. Agree it will never end. He needs to get over himself and you deserve better.

No point in arguing back with him on it because he will never let it go. Cut your losses and move on before it gets too long term and inescapable.

I’ve ended it now. Once he said it I told him i don’t accept him speaking to me like that.

Oh.. well done!! That took me by surprise but it's really refreshing to see someone with decent boundaries and self worth. 💪

Glad to hear you've sent him packing.

What a nasty thing for him to have said.

I'd say yep and if you don't get your act together I'll make it 6