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Original poster

How would you feel if your boyfriend said this to you?

56 replies

Lampyegg · 04/11/2024 22:11

Please tell me if I’m overreacting to this.
before I met my boyfriend I had a fling with another man, lasted a few weeks. I then met my boyfriend and we’ve been together nearly a year. A while into our relationship I found out my boyfriend’s knows my ex going and really dislikes him (think he’s a womaniser, which he is). He sometimes brings him up as in “I can’t believe you ever had a thing with him”.
tonight we had words over something else (housework) and my boyfriend said something along the lines of “well you were that desperate you went back to him 5 times didn’t you”
I am living at that, calling me desperate

OP posts:
Original poster
Lampyegg · 04/11/2024 23:15

LittleGreenDragons · 04/11/2024 23:12

I’ve ended it now. Once he said it I told him i don’t accept him speaking to me like that.

Oh.. well done!! That took me by surprise but it's really refreshing to see someone with decent boundaries and self worth. 💪Flowers

Thanks :)
he’s trying very hard to “fix it” as he says but the words have been said and can’t be taking back. he has a massive issue with me having been with this other guy in general but to say I was desperate with such contempt caught me off guard

Previously he had asked me very specific questions about my sex life with other guy (hence how he knows it was 5 times) and when i refused to answer he was quite mean then and said things like “well obviously cos you’re not answering it was you that went after him and initiated it, clearly you wanted it more” etc etc

OP posts:
violentovulation · 04/11/2024 23:18

Lampyegg · 04/11/2024 23:15

Thanks :)
he’s trying very hard to “fix it” as he says but the words have been said and can’t be taking back. he has a massive issue with me having been with this other guy in general but to say I was desperate with such contempt caught me off guard

Previously he had asked me very specific questions about my sex life with other guy (hence how he knows it was 5 times) and when i refused to answer he was quite mean then and said things like “well obviously cos you’re not answering it was you that went after him and initiated it, clearly you wanted it more” etc etc

Edited
Show quote history

Oh there are some more red flags for you right there.

What a nasty piece of work.

2Sensitive · 04/11/2024 23:20

When he asked questions he should have been told it was none of his business.
When you have him info, you gave him a license to comment.
Tell him to wise up or slide on.

DeepRoseFish · 04/11/2024 23:22

2Sensitive · 04/11/2024 23:20

When he asked questions he should have been told it was none of his business.
When you have him info, you gave him a license to comment.
Tell him to wise up or slide on.

I don’t think any of this can be blamed on what she did or did not do.

HellonHeels · 04/11/2024 23:26

Lampyegg · 04/11/2024 23:15

Thanks :)
he’s trying very hard to “fix it” as he says but the words have been said and can’t be taking back. he has a massive issue with me having been with this other guy in general but to say I was desperate with such contempt caught me off guard

Previously he had asked me very specific questions about my sex life with other guy (hence how he knows it was 5 times) and when i refused to answer he was quite mean then and said things like “well obviously cos you’re not answering it was you that went after him and initiated it, clearly you wanted it more” etc etc

Edited
Show quote history

He sounds absolutely revolting. Well done getting rid. Now make sure you don't take him back and don't waste your precious time listening to his whinging.

LittleGreenDragons · 04/11/2024 23:27

he’s trying very hard to “fix it”

and when i refused to answer he was quite mean then

How is he going to fix his general nastiness? He can't because it is deep inside him and it leaks out. Ugh. He can apologise, he can promise to do better but he can't change his personality, at least not permanently.

Teacherprebaby · 04/11/2024 23:27

Lampyegg · 04/11/2024 22:17

What do you think of the actual phrase he said? I can’t actually get over him saying that

Less than a year and he's called you desperate, what's he going to be calling you after 5 years?

My partner calls me amazing, because he is a fantastic partner. You deserve that too.

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/11/2024 23:28

"he is a womanising arsehole who I dont want to spend time with anymore, and yet somehow right now he is still managing to be less of an arsehole to me than you are"

fourdoorsdown · 04/11/2024 23:30

well done OP, I hope you find someone kinder and worthy . This guy has some issues

Alalalala · 04/11/2024 23:34

Well done OP!

MinaHarker1897 · 04/11/2024 23:38

When I was 15 I had a thing with a 28 year old. It didn't involve sex, well he did get his bits and pieces out in front of me a couple of times, and tried to get me to shag him but I didn't because I felt uncomfortable about it (which is why he chucked me, he did me a favour though I was gutted at the time as I wanted him to wait for me!) and I confided in my (now ex) fiancé. He kept telling me I was "sexually aware" at 15 as if I was some precocious oversexed Lolita type. I should have done what you did OP.

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/11/2024 23:42

MinaHarker1897 · 04/11/2024 23:38

When I was 15 I had a thing with a 28 year old. It didn't involve sex, well he did get his bits and pieces out in front of me a couple of times, and tried to get me to shag him but I didn't because I felt uncomfortable about it (which is why he chucked me, he did me a favour though I was gutted at the time as I wanted him to wait for me!) and I confided in my (now ex) fiancé. He kept telling me I was "sexually aware" at 15 as if I was some precocious oversexed Lolita type. I should have done what you did OP.

Edited

What a twat! I think that most women are "sexually aware" at 15, just that we dont do anything about it! I was 15 when my 18 year old BF dumped me for not having sex with him. I knew what it was, was happy with (what we used to call in the old days) "heavy petting", but didnt want to go the whole way.

Glad you got rid of him.

And also glad that you didnt give the 28 year old perv what he was after either!

mumda · 04/11/2024 23:45

Lampyegg · 04/11/2024 22:17

What do you think of the actual phrase he said? I can’t actually get over him saying that

Dump him then.simple.

Value yourself more than he does.

Jamie25 · 04/11/2024 23:47

sewingstockings · 04/11/2024 22:14

Dump he will say this to you forever. It would just be something else if it wasn’t him. He just wants something he can put you down for. A massive red flag.

To recommend dumping somebody after a year-long relationship over a short post is also a red flag. The guy isn’t right and needs to change this behaviour. However, you’re not a relationship psychologist, no offense.

Lavender14 · 04/11/2024 23:53

I'd be feeling excited to be rid of such a misogynistic and disrespectful arsehole...

My guess op is that he feels highly inadequate and insecure and he's taking that out on you. I'm glad you are aware enough to know that it is not womens job to fix broken men.

Lavender14 · 04/11/2024 23:54

Jamie25 · 04/11/2024 23:47

To recommend dumping somebody after a year-long relationship over a short post is also a red flag. The guy isn’t right and needs to change this behaviour. However, you’re not a relationship psychologist, no offense.

Show quote history

He's called her desperate, judged her relationship history and been abusive and manipulative when she wasn't comfortable with him grilling her on the sex in her past relationships.

This isn't a one off, it's repeated behaviour that reeks of a need for control.

Opentooffers · 04/11/2024 23:55

I would think " how does he know it was 5 times?" . Then I'd wonder wtf I told him details like that, or even mentioned it at all? Then I'd realise that if I told him because he asked, I'd missed the red flag questioning, as nobody should be asking about details of that and only people with insecure jealousy issues who are abusive and searching for ammunition ask for details. Normal people know its not their business to ask.

Opentooffers · 04/11/2024 23:57

In short, I'd feel that he needed to be the next ex, asap.

Jamie25 · 04/11/2024 23:59

Lavender14 · 04/11/2024 23:54

He's called her desperate, judged her relationship history and been abusive and manipulative when she wasn't comfortable with him grilling her on the sex in her past relationships.

This isn't a one off, it's repeated behaviour that reeks of a need for control.

Show quote history

I only read the original post. Can you give me a summary of everything?

ScarabBright · 05/11/2024 00:01

Lampyegg · 04/11/2024 23:15

Thanks :)
he’s trying very hard to “fix it” as he says but the words have been said and can’t be taking back. he has a massive issue with me having been with this other guy in general but to say I was desperate with such contempt caught me off guard

Previously he had asked me very specific questions about my sex life with other guy (hence how he knows it was 5 times) and when i refused to answer he was quite mean then and said things like “well obviously cos you’re not answering it was you that went after him and initiated it, clearly you wanted it more” etc etc

Edited
Show quote history

Now you're out, stay out!!!!!!!!!!!!

No man should be badgering his girlfriend to reveal details like that! And no man should say such nasty things to his girlfriend.

You are well rid. Block him, so he can't get to you, and reel you back in.

Niftyspark · 05/11/2024 00:03

I'd probably say, yeah.... the sex was great, the soul was a royal kn9bhead, and 8f he wants to be an ex he better fall in sharp or walk put the door never to return! Integrity is everything! Personally.... I'd have come back with something sharp like....he was trained with housework and not a boy friend.... he was sorta a man! But if u want compare....let's do it! Roll them out like a shotgun! He will sink or swim! But don't let him make u an option or an excuse!

Pumpkinseason3 · 05/11/2024 00:06

@Lampyegg Well done for knowing your worth OP 🙌🏻

I actually had a similar situation with my now DH when we got together - he quite strongly disliked my most recent ex (their friendship groups had crossed a few times over the years and they just didn’t get on at all. Now DH thought the other guy was “up his own arse and fancied himself as a ladies man” - his words, not mine 😂).
When the inevitable discussion came up about past relationships and he discovered my history with the other guy (3 years, on and off for various reasons) he just raised his eyebrows and paused for a second and asked “Did he treat you well? Why did things end?” and that’s all he ever asked.

Out of interest - did he divulge his own history?

Catoo · 05/11/2024 00:06

Lampyegg · 04/11/2024 23:15

Thanks :)
he’s trying very hard to “fix it” as he says but the words have been said and can’t be taking back. he has a massive issue with me having been with this other guy in general but to say I was desperate with such contempt caught me off guard

Previously he had asked me very specific questions about my sex life with other guy (hence how he knows it was 5 times) and when i refused to answer he was quite mean then and said things like “well obviously cos you’re not answering it was you that went after him and initiated it, clearly you wanted it more” etc etc

Edited
Show quote history

Oh this kind of crap logic and obvious attempt at manipulation sounds exactly like one of my exs.

‘You won’t tell me x so that means you did y with him’ etc. Honestly pathetic from grown men isn’t it?

Well done on getting rid. And for resisting the temptation to give the very obvious answer to why you kept going back…. ‘well he was so good in bed. But don’t worry I’ll never be desperate to chase you even once, never mind five times’

I expect you’ll have a few more texts from him before he accepts he’s blown it. Very disappointing. Why can’t they just enjoy your company and be happy you’ve chosen them without trying to cause drama all the time?

💐

Original poster
Lampyegg · 05/11/2024 06:45

Thank you. I’m up now this morning and have a hospital appointment where I’m going under GA today and he was to take me and bring me home, kinda stuck for that now but don’t wanna ask him anymore

OP posts:
Bubblebuttress · 05/11/2024 06:56

Taxi x and mum x

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