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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Ex boyfriend staying

54 replies

cityofstairs · 09/07/2024 19:15

my ex boyfriend is travelling from 3 hours away to come here and help me with things around the house he’s the only person available to do it right now i don’t know if he would have to stay here because by the time he’s helped me he’ll be too tired to go back he’s asked for compensation what kind of things should I give him for that? I have the one bedroom but I could ask he sleeps on the couch or something. We’re on ok terms

OP posts:

Greatmate · 09/07/2024 20:16

@cityofstairs you need to clarify what he means by compensation. Can he buy your consent? Is he expecting sexual favours? Personally, I'd save up to pay someone or learn how to do it myself watching YouTube videos.

Original poster

cityofstairs · 09/07/2024 20:17

titchy · 09/07/2024 20:13

Time for you to learn some DIY skills unless you're happy to be paying with sex everytime you need a flat pack putting together....

😂

OP posts:

xyz111 · 09/07/2024 20:18

A friend wouldn't say "compensation". He's your ex for a reason, you need to do the DIY yourself or just live with it.

Greatmate · 09/07/2024 20:19

You said you want to be compensated for helping out what exactly do you mean by that? I think it's important that me both fully understand the expectations.

titchy · 09/07/2024 20:21

I wasn't actually joking OP.... decorating and putting furniture together should be straightforward - will take you a weekend but you'll get better at it the more you do.

Floor paying a bit more difficult, but YouTube will help you.

Don't be reliant on random sex-starved blokes.

Ahlovetoloveyoubaby · 09/07/2024 20:23

Full sex, blow job or a hand job. No floor is worth sleeping with an ex. Do you think he is exploiting you. Be REALLY clear about compensation. I wouldn’t have him near me.

BirthdayRainbow · 09/07/2024 20:26

cityofstairs · 09/07/2024 20:17

😂

Show quote history

Do you really think it is funny?

HowDidJudithSurvive · 09/07/2024 20:31

He definitely wants sex. Do you have any children together or is he just a random ex?

VaddaABeetch · 09/07/2024 20:35

Is he helping you with your big chest, making sure everything is fully laid & finish off with a French polish?

IDoNotIntroduceTheLog · 09/07/2024 20:35

In all honesty OP, get on YouTube.

I've learned to plumb my own washing machine, change the grill element, lay paving slabs for my front path, remove and clean out my dishwasher drain and all sorts of other shit from YouTube. Saved a fortune on what I'd previously paid for and had to wait to have people fix for me.

Get wise, it's great. Men are irrelevant. 👊

Sharkattack1888 · 09/07/2024 20:37

I'm thinking he means getting a share if the house when u sell it. If he does work on your house then I think he is able to ask for a share of it I think. Be careful what u let him do.

titchy · 09/07/2024 20:43

VaddaABeetch · 09/07/2024 20:35

Is he helping you with your big chest, making sure everything is fully laid & finish off with a French polish?

DianeAbbotsJamjars · 09/07/2024 20:47

OP has not said she is against sexual relations with her ex.

TheOnlyAletheia · 09/07/2024 20:50

If you can’t afford to pay anyone then get on YouTube and learn to do it ffs.

LilacRaven · 09/07/2024 21:28

Sounds to me like you're not over your ex and have used this as an excuse to get in contact.

Roryhon · 09/07/2024 21:36

It would be right to pay his fuel costs, cook a meal while he’s here and buy his a crate of beer or something to say thank you. He’ll be saving you a lot of money. But yes, check exactly what he means by compensation. I’m amazed you didn’t ask him what he meant when he said it.

Onelifeonly · 09/07/2024 22:10

Three hours is a long way to travel to do DIY jobs. Sounds like you know he has some sort of feeling / desire for you and you're playing on it. And maybe playing us too, with your possibly coy comment re the couch. Put that way, it's you using him if all you really want is free labour.

violetto · 09/07/2024 22:25

If you can't afford at least handyman's rates do it yourself. Like women all over have to!

You surely aren't expecting him to travel that far and lay your floors for free are you?!

mondaytosunday · 09/07/2024 23:01

So a nice meal? Definitely sort out what compensation he means BEFORE he arrives.

Tel12 · 09/07/2024 23:07

Sorry, but he's not doing all this work for a box of Milk Tray.

VWT5 · 09/07/2024 23:08

His fuel costs alone will be around £50/£60…

icelolly12 · 10/07/2024 09:51

DianeAbbotsJamjars · 09/07/2024 20:16

15 minutes hand relief.

Show quote history

😂

Original poster

cityofstairs · 10/07/2024 11:36

He wants me to cover his travel costs

OP posts:

Lurkingandlearning · 10/07/2024 12:16

You’ve said you can’t afford to pay someone and he’s said he wants compensating. So he can’t help you. It’s really that simple. I’d be embarrassed to admit I’d hoped he would do it for free and would just call it off. Not to say that I wouldn’t hope for a freebie from a friend, I just wouldn’t want to admit it once they’d said they wanted payment.

If he is expecting you to whore yourself for a bit of DIY then he’s a scum bag.

Just call it off and hopefully not find out what he is and how little he thinks of you

pinkdelight · 10/07/2024 12:45

How the heck is he exploiting her? She wants him to schlep 3 hours each way to do a bunch of boring jobs for her for free and potentially sleep on the couch. Why would he do that for an ex?

OP, if you can't afford to pay him at least a token amount - cover his expenses and get him some beers and pizza that night (and let him have the bedroom), then do it yourself. Or shag him if you're so inclined and it's that kinda set-up. Course you absolutely don't have to if you're not so inclined, but he's not wrong to expect some kind of recompense for his efforts - money or a gift or something. It's not an honour to lay your floor and sort your flatpacks.

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