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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help

44 replies

GibKev · 20/12/2022 18:18

Hi Ladies.

I really need a pick me up.

I am 45 male and a virgin. I suffer from low self esteem, anxiety and depression and have always thought the worst of myself.

I am now overcoming my issues and focusing on the positives.

However, I feel so ugly and find it hard to believe anyone could want someone like me. I know insecurity is not a good look and people say its personality, but just feel that I cant even approach someone as they will take one look and go no thanks.

My best friend is female and stunning and says I am handsome etc, but not sure if she is saying that to be nice or as we have been through tough times lately and its got us close.

And yeh, I think I have feelings for her, but will never say as she is 12 years younger and really dont think I am her type.

What can I do to approach ladies and not feel so hurt if they say no. I know I wont be everyone's type.

Thanks x

OP posts:
Original poster
GibKev · 21/12/2022 19:53

MoonbeamsGlittering · 21/12/2022 18:48

That's a nice picture - I think you'll do fine out there!

Thank you :)

OP posts:
Summer2424 · 21/12/2022 21:30

@GibKev you look gorgeous!! You're going to have no problem finding your life partner / soulmate!
Don't give up! :)

everydayisthesame · 21/12/2022 22:25

Lovely pic, nothing to be worried about looks wise but looks fade, you need to find someone to laugh with, the person who will be your 'go to' person, in both happy and sad times. For me, personality is key, if I'm not laughing with my partner, or wanting to tell him everything before I tell everyone else, then it doesn't matter what he looks like, I think a lot of people want their soul mate, which is more to do with who you are than what you physically look like. Just be you, you'll find your person x

MintChocCornetto · 21/12/2022 22:31

Your dog is beautiful. Defo get a pic on your dating profile with her! And good luck.

Original poster
GibKev · 22/12/2022 10:49

@MintChocCornetto
Thank you. She saved my life and made me a better person.

Help
OP posts:
Original poster
GibKev · 22/12/2022 10:52

Summer2424 · 21/12/2022 21:30

@GibKev you look gorgeous!! You're going to have no problem finding your life partner / soulmate!
Don't give up! :)

@Summer2424

Thank you. You made me blush.

I know I am not everyone's cup of tea. But not everyone is mine.

OP posts:
Original poster
GibKev · 22/12/2022 10:56

everydayisthesame · 21/12/2022 22:25

Lovely pic, nothing to be worried about looks wise but looks fade, you need to find someone to laugh with, the person who will be your 'go to' person, in both happy and sad times. For me, personality is key, if I'm not laughing with my partner, or wanting to tell him everything before I tell everyone else, then it doesn't matter what he looks like, I think a lot of people want their soul mate, which is more to do with who you are than what you physically look like. Just be you, you'll find your person x

Thank you @everydayisthesame

Really do appreciate that. I know I have a good heart and will do my best to make my partner happy and loved.

I do my my friend in the pic laugh. She says I am special. And such a good guy. Think I have a crush on her too!

OP posts:
everydayisthesame · 22/12/2022 15:21

Have you told her you have a crush on her? What have you got to lose?

Original poster
GibKev · 22/12/2022 17:38

everydayisthesame · 22/12/2022 15:21

Have you told her you have a crush on her? What have you got to lose?

@everydayisthesame in the last 6 to 8 months we have only had bad things happen to the both of us and it brought us really close to the fact we were battling so hard to survive and pick each other up. I probably wouldnt be wanting to change my life half as much without her by my side.

I tell her everyday that she is beautiful, perfect, I will always be by her side and love her more than anything. She calls me handsome and says she loves me too and cares so much for me.

She has been alone for so long that we do need each other and not sure if a physical relationship would be ideal.

Plus about 6 months ago, her ex, who is a no good drug dealer dumped her and been playing with her since. Basically saying he misses her, insulting her, then blocking her then doing it again next week. She thinks its her and her karma and she deserves the bad things as that was her family environment too.

So yeh, we have been there for each other through all the bad and our dogs are best friends which is cool.

But she has told me today she is stopping with me from the 28th Dec until new year as she doesnt want to be at her families and since Oct she has been living overseas to me.

Finally my head says she is a 10 and I am a solid number 2 (haha) so way out of my league.

OP posts:
everydayisthesame · 22/12/2022 18:39

Hmmm I think I would have to tell her. You could spend your life thinking 'what if?', if you don't. I mean, I understand the risk of what could happen if you asked and: A- she said she doesn't feel the same or B- you got together and it didn't work out BUT what if it did? We tend to worry about the negatives more than we think about potential positives.

The she's a 10 and I'm a 2 thing is daft. I don't rate myself at all but it's not about what you see, it's about what they do.

Original poster
GibKev · 22/12/2022 19:34

everydayisthesame · 22/12/2022 18:39

Hmmm I think I would have to tell her. You could spend your life thinking 'what if?', if you don't. I mean, I understand the risk of what could happen if you asked and: A- she said she doesn't feel the same or B- you got together and it didn't work out BUT what if it did? We tend to worry about the negatives more than we think about potential positives.

The she's a 10 and I'm a 2 thing is daft. I don't rate myself at all but it's not about what you see, it's about what they do.

@everydayisthesame maybe I will drop a hint or two when she is with me over xmas depending on how she is after finishing it completly with the idiot. He doesnt deserve her. No woman or person deserves to be treated like sh1t and blamed for things they didnt do.

We are so comfy together and I know her feelings scare her as she thinks she destroys everything and everyone. She is always saying thanks for beliveing in her and standing by her side.

I know I will hate myself if I dont do it and its good she knows all my issues and virgin status and doesnt care. So maybe...

OP posts:
everydayisthesame · 28/12/2022 15:26

@GibKev any updates? :)

GibKev · 28/12/2022 17:22

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request

Original poster
GibKev · 28/12/2022 17:29

everydayisthesame · 28/12/2022 15:26

@GibKev any updates? :)

hi @everydayisthesame sorry, i replied to a different thread with you.

Yeh, she went to see her ex bf and they are making a go of things. So she is there and wont be with me for xmas. We are chatting tomorrow.

Sad but happy she is finally happy and settled. You know I love her so much as a person I only want good things to happen to her.

It is what it is!

OP posts:
everydayisthesame · 28/12/2022 18:12

I'm sorry that it turned out that way, especially as it sounded like the ex wasn't great but you've dealt with it respectfully which is lovely.

2023 soon, I hope it brings you happiness and prosperity :)

Original poster
GibKev · 28/12/2022 18:24

everydayisthesame · 28/12/2022 18:12

I'm sorry that it turned out that way, especially as it sounded like the ex wasn't great but you've dealt with it respectfully which is lovely.

2023 soon, I hope it brings you happiness and prosperity :)

@everydayisthesame thanks.

I would rather keep her as a friend than lose everything and like I said we have been through a lot together and I will never forget it. Perhaps my feelings are confused as she is the first person I have really let in deep.

The ex is not a good guy, but sadly I cant stop her making that mistake and will be there to help if (and when) it goes wrong.

Thank you again and hope you and your family have the best 2023 ever! Hope you get everything and more you have ever wanted x

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MyDogLucy · 28/12/2022 18:51

@GibKev you look and seem absolutely lovely, I think you just need to work on your self esteem a bit and not put yourself down so much (I'm guilty of it too). Honestly though it's really not all about looks either. When I do meet someone else obviously there needs to be an attraction but to be honest the most important thing to me is that they're kind, honest and arent going to lie and cheat. Just someone I can trust and have a laugh with.

Also your dog is just the absolute CUTEST! Good luck with everything ❤

Original poster
GibKev · 28/12/2022 19:03

MyDogLucy · 28/12/2022 18:51

@GibKev you look and seem absolutely lovely, I think you just need to work on your self esteem a bit and not put yourself down so much (I'm guilty of it too). Honestly though it's really not all about looks either. When I do meet someone else obviously there needs to be an attraction but to be honest the most important thing to me is that they're kind, honest and arent going to lie and cheat. Just someone I can trust and have a laugh with.

Also your dog is just the absolute CUTEST! Good luck with everything ❤

Hi @MyDogLucy

Thank you so much, I am blushing!

And I am getting there with my self esteem. I know I am not going to be handsome to everyone, but that being said not every lady is attractive to me. And attraction grows when you get to know that person and you click.

And I hope that 2023 brings you everything and more you have ever dreampt of! Seriously you seem absolutely amazing so please dont settle for 2nd place.

And thanks... Molly sends her love!

Help
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Original poster
GibKev · 31/12/2022 16:29

Hi Everyone who has helped and given advice.

Just wanted to say Happy New Year. I hope you all have the best 2023 and get everything and more you want!

I am feeling so much more positive and happy within myself and my own skill. Been looking in the mirror everyday and complimenting myself.

Its a long road, but I will get there!

Oh and I am taking my friend out for Valentines (but as mates - mates at this stage anyways haha)

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