Help

[GibKev]

Hi Ladies.

I really need a pick me up.

I am 45 male and a virgin. I suffer from low self esteem, anxiety and depression and have always thought the worst of myself.

I am now overcoming my issues and focusing on the positives.

However, I feel so ugly and find it hard to believe anyone could want someone like me. I know insecurity is not a good look and people say its personality, but just feel that I cant even approach someone as they will take one look and go no thanks.

My best friend is female and stunning and says I am handsome etc, but not sure if she is saying that to be nice or as we have been through tough times lately and its got us close.

And yeh, I think I have feelings for her, but will never say as she is 12 years younger and really dont think I am her type.

What can I do to approach ladies and not feel so hurt if they say no. I know I wont be everyone's type.

Thanks x

Tbh you probably should have dealt with this years ago. Not attempting to date ect...means you've built this up into a whole big thing in your head when it didn't need to be.

I would ask my friends if they had any pals they thought I might be good with they could set me up with. Maybe ask this friend of yours. That way, if she is into you, she'll ask you out herself. And if she doesn't well at least you'll know.

Otherwise I'd try online dating but maybe a proper dating site seen as you're new to it. Match.com instead of tinder for example. So you can be more specific on your profile and people who reply might be a little less fickle.

Something on your profile like 'I seem to have woken up and realised at 45 that I really haven't taken much time to date. I'd love to meet a lovely person to hang out and go on adventures with. I love xyz (musicals/cricket/horseriding ect) so bonus if you enjoy those too'. Go on a dew dates and see what happens.

Good luck :)

Odd place to post for advice

Also the good thing about online dating us that if they match with you they're (usually) interested.

You might find some still don't reply if you message or that some are not looking fir the same things you are. But that's not as bad as a rejection really so should be OK.

On a site full of mainly women ? Some of who will be single. Looking for advice on dating women ? Not odd at all.

Not really.. I just wanted some expert inpartial advice.

I am not here trying to scam anyone!

Work on yourself first.
There's lots of different types of help to feel better about yourself out there.

Work on the things that make you feel bad about yourself.

Then try online dating. Just be a normal person. So no creepy shit or dick pics and you're already in the top ten percent on blokes on old.

Have realistic expectations. there's no 20 year old size 2 supermodel virgin waiting out there for you.

The good thing about online dating is it connects you with women who are already potentially interested. You just have to be a decent, honest and respectful man.

Hi PinkBonBon.

Thank you for the reply and yeh I have built everything up in my own head so much I am really scared. I just think if its a "no" then its "me", not just for example that the girl has just split up with someone and wants space or simply into blonde and blue eyes when I am not.

I have professional help with all my mental issues (father related mainly) and getting there, but its the looks part I struggle with.

I have been on Tinder and Bumble, but dont get any matches. Think its my pictures as I am so camera shy.

And yeh, I will do my profile on Match and use your advice on headings.

As for the friend, I spent a week with her recently and we shared a bed, but nothing happened. I massaged her feet and she said she really cared for me and I meant the world to her. She would sleep with me if I wanted to lose my V plates. But she has just broken up with a total loser so think her head wasnt in the right place.

Thanks for everything.

Are you religious at all? Maybe a Christian community or any other that observe abstinence before marriage would be a good place for you to meet ladies in the same position? That way you'd be on common ground and mingling with people looking for a long term man

Hi IncompleteSenten.

Thanks for the advice. I have lots of female friends who say I am a catch and a good guy. I am always willing to help and always try to remain positive with them. Just doubt myself so much!

I am keeping away from most negative aspects in my life and sadly this makes me feel more isolated, but sometimes this is the lesser of 2 evils!

And yeh will try to do more online dating, but need to be more confident and smiling in my pics!

And all I want from a lady, is someone who I find attractive (I like eyes and smile) and a personality that makes me feel at ease. Anything else is a bonus!

And promise no dick pics! I dont think camera phones zoom in enough to see what I am packing haha

x

Hi page1of4

I am not religious, but that sounds ok as we have things in common and maybe less pressure than the traditional dating scene!

x

I had a friend in a similar situation, lovely guy, not bad looking, just no confidence and lots of women viewed him as 'too nice', which I have never understood personally. Anyhoo, he got engaged this year and is super happy :)

Thank you everydayisthesame.

I get told all nice things about me by lots of ladies as I am respectful and nice and they say "you are different to most men", which I take as a compliment. I get called "too nice" too.

I was always told growing up I was ugly, useless and unlovable so after a long battle want to change the demons in my head. And give someone my heart and unconditional love (apart from my dog haha).

2023 is going to be my year.. you can come to the wedding!

Growing up feeling like that is bound to create demons, I'm glad you are fighting them! Onwards and upwards. P.s. I love a good wedding lol

Hi @GibKev sorry i haven't got any advice on how to approach ladies but if you go on any dates, for me personally - confidence is really attractive, dress smart and smell good.
Stay positive you'll find your perfect partner!
Hope the above helps :)

I just proper belly laughed through the tears of joy! Thank you! Guest of honour!

Hi @Summer2424 I am weird, as in I will either clam up or be really confident with someone. I always ask questions and show interest in the other person. I want to know a lot about them to make a decision.

I guess I will need to go shopping to look stylish! And always have cologne on, even to work.

Thanks x

Get on the dating apps and start swiping

If you have a dog, then, in my eyes, you must be a decent human being. Get yourself on a paid dating site, don’t mention your virginity, ask your friend to take some flattering photos, then fake it til you make it.

And yes, I would love to come to your wedding 😍

Hi @LikeTearsInRain will do and need to get some decent pics in as I shy away from the camera.

Hi @PollyAmour thanks

I have added a pic of my pup Molly who is 7 and gets a lot of fuss. She is a rescue and think she rescued me too.

I will get on the sites and see what happens.

Invite is in the post!

I'm a man, so I can't advise on some areas but perhaps I might have a useful perspective too. I struggled with confidence in my twenties too.

If you're going to try online dating then I think it's really useful to keep reminding yourself that people will say no sometimes (or just not respond/swipe) and that's fine. It's not a reflection on you - it's just how online dating works. The way to be less scared of rejection is to put yourself out there and you'll get rejected sometimes and you'll find that it's OK - there are loads of other possible people out there.

Many women look for a whole range of attributes in a man and aren't very focussed on looks. If you're thoughtful and non-creepy then you'll tick a lot of boxes already.

You're welcome to keep asking for advice here as you try this journey! Possibly people here could review your potential profile? Or female friends could help too.

thanks @MoonbeamsGlittering really do appreciate the help and advice, really do appreciate it and congrats on working on yourself.

I understand that internet dating is very superficial and people say no to avoid weirdos. And sometimes attraction doesnt appear until a first few dates.

I know I am not creepy as I have a lot of female friends as I used to have a big hatred of men due to my father, but overcoming that slowly.

Thanks again!

You're welcome - do come back and update us or ask more questions if you like, or PM me if you prefer. Yes, things improved for me but I'll never forget those days of really struggling to find my way in the dating world. Wishing you the best of luck!

@Pinkbonbon @IncompleteSenten @page1of4 @America12 @everydayisthesame @Summer2424 @LikeTearsInRain @MoonbeamsGlittering @PollyAmour

Sorry to tag you all, but you were so nice and helpful, I decided to be brave and add a pic of me. This is my best friend Tash who said lets do a pic and considering its freezing at 8.30am and I am camera shy think its ok.

That's a nice picture - I think you'll do fine out there!