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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Please help 😢

48 replies

AmyS88 · 15/07/2022 21:49

Hello 👋🏻
My battery died earlier and used partners work phone to send a text. Used an emoji in my message and suddenly noticed his recently/frequently used list… sneakily took a photo while he popped out to get the Chinese this evening. No incriminating messages by the way but should also add he genuinely never uses his work phone to contact me. I don’t think he even has my number stored in there… not sure what to think and don’t want to confront over nothing. I have a tendency to panic and over think things… What do you all think?

Please help 😢
OP posts:
NiceTwin · 15/07/2022 21:51

I wouldn't be worried if they were my dh's frequently used.

MoscowDragon8 · 15/07/2022 21:54

Probably not much help but I just checked my frequently used list (I mostly WhatsApp so don't use text) and the first nine in the list are purple unicorns which I have NEVER used ever. In fact I never use emojis in text messages and definitely didn't use the unicorn ones in WhatsApp either. Some of the ones that came up further down the list I use, but completely wrong order etc. personally I wouldn't read too much into it unless you have reason to suspect smth untoward.

WhiskeyMakesMeFrisky · 15/07/2022 21:58

I wouldn't like this OP. Something feels off. Sorry. Will you ask him?

PoppyDrug · 15/07/2022 21:59

I think you need to stop looking because now your thinking shit that isn’t anything

DecimatedDreams · 15/07/2022 22:00

What on earth is making you 'panic' about that?

ChuckBerrysBoots · 15/07/2022 22:00

I don’t understand why you’re concerned? Can you explain a bit more?

Original poster
AmyS88 · 15/07/2022 22:01

Thank you both.

I will admit I struggle with my mood and I’ve been really down lately.. I’m under a psychiatrist to work out why I find trusting people so difficult (across the board not just OH) and I’m desperately trying to work through it and get better.. The way I am interferes with all friendships and my relationship, and as a result I don’t really have any friends because I push everyone away. Fully willing to admit this could just be me being my usual stupid self. I’ve done CBT, numerous therapies and I’m really, really trying.

If he did anything it would literally blow my world apart 😢

OP posts:
Whattoread · 15/07/2022 22:01

I wouldn't be concerned at all.

JauntyJinty · 15/07/2022 22:02

If it's his work phone could it be he never uses emojis on it, so the "most frequently used" are just a random or default group?

GreenManalishi · 15/07/2022 22:03

I wouldn't overthink it. Unless you find something that can't be denied and is there in front of your eyes you can drive your self mad. We all have a side of ourselves we share with our partner and a side they don't see. None of those are particularly incriminating are they?

ExtraOnion · 15/07/2022 22:03

Just looked at my “frequently used” .. there is at least 4 I have no recollection of using.

TBH, if you are panicking about emojis, you might want to look at the state of your overall relationship

Blue4YOU · 15/07/2022 22:04

I’m with @JauntyJinty on this: he’s hardly using emojis on a work phone…

thetombliboo · 15/07/2022 22:04

🔥😍 theyre something used often when flirting so I see where you're coming from however it is hot outside and I would use the love eyes emoji at a pic of good food so there's a huge chance you're not on the right path tbf.
The hearts however I wouldn't like at all if this was my husbands work phone.
If he's very blasé about you using it and has left it with you whilst going out the house maybe you don't need to worry. Perhaps look for another messaging app that could be hidden with notifications off?
Have you had any other suspicions?

Jalisco · 15/07/2022 22:06

So let's say those are actually the ones he frequently uses. So what? They are emojis, not evidence. If I had a look at mine I can bet most of those would be amongst my frequently used ones. I hardly ever use emojis, and only ever text friends and family. Not a single untoward thing about any of mine!

Whatwouldscullydo · 15/07/2022 22:06

Honestly regardless of what you did or didn't find. When you go to the trouble.of looking, screenshotting and analysing then there are clearly issues beyond emojis.

If you dont trust him then you don't realky have a healthy relationship.

QueSyrahSyrah · 15/07/2022 22:06

Just checked my 'frequently used' and there's at least 4 in there I'm confident I've never used.

Of those I do use, I've definitely sent 😍 and 🤤 to a colleague going to the sandwich shop before.

I wouldn't give it another thought OP.

WorkCleanRepeat · 15/07/2022 22:07

Looks like a perfectly normal frequently used list to me. I wouldn't be concerned about it.

Heartcare · 15/07/2022 22:09

You're overthinking this. A lot. I think it would be worth you sharing these thoughts with your therapist before you end up destroying your relationship over a few emojis

Fabswingers · 15/07/2022 22:10

As there are no purple devils I imagine your pretty safe if I’m honest.

Original poster
AmyS88 · 15/07/2022 22:11

You’re right, I know… I’m honestly my own worst enemy most of the time 😢

OP posts:
marrymeadam · 15/07/2022 22:13

I also just looked at my frequently used and I can also confirm that I don't remember ever using many of them. Don't read anything into them, and I say this as a complete overthinker who also has the ability to sabotage almost all relationships I have had

GreenManalishi · 15/07/2022 22:17

Not an aubergine in sight... you're fine. I know for a fact that there is little in life more counter productive or a bigger waste of time worrying that your partner might cheat on you, if you've got no evidence. It just traps you in a negative head space, you read into things that aren't there, ask suspicious questions, don't beleive the explanations, rows happen and things deteriorate anyway. It's a self fulfilling prophecy. People are going to do what they're going to do and there's mostly very little you can do about it.

Original poster
AmyS88 · 15/07/2022 22:22

marrymeadam · 15/07/2022 22:13

I also just looked at my frequently used and I can also confirm that I don't remember ever using many of them. Don't read anything into them, and I say this as a complete overthinker who also has the ability to sabotage almost all relationships I have had

Sorry to hear this 😢 it’s a scary and lonely thing to do to yourself. I’ve been told I don’t allow myself to be happy and reject love or that anyone cares about me. We’ve been together 7 years and he hasn’t been perfect- I caught him messaging a work colleague in a more than friendly way (in lockdown and never crossed the line officially but it was quite clearly heading that way and she was making her intentions very well known), but we somehow worked through it. So I do have my reasons, but I also have self sabotaged my whole life, so I find it difficult to trust him but also trust my own instincts … I don’t know. But it’s nice to know I’m the only one thinking this is anything other than my brain doing it’s thing 🙂

OP posts:
OhMelville · 15/07/2022 22:29

What you need to do next time you can get on his phone is go to send a photo or file, then when it gives options of who/where/how to send it … the most frequently used contacts is shown. Hope all works out okay for you.

quietnightmare · 15/07/2022 22:30

Just looked at my frequently used and I reckon I have used four of them the rest I never have. But a quick google search shows that if you type a word the emoji associated with it can bring an emoji up. For example flame, burn, bonfire and fire all bring up the same FIRE emoji or if you type heart, love and heartfelt bring up the heart emoji so there's many reasons why certain emojis may possibly have been used and not necessarily in the context you think it could be