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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Relationship problems

55 replies

Smason13 · 03/04/2022 17:42

Does anyone ever feel like everything they do is wrong?
I don't seem to be able to say or do anything without my boyfriend being mean!!

OP posts:
GeneLovesJezebel · 03/04/2022 17:43

Sounds like control to me.

Original poster
Smason13 · 03/04/2022 17:45

I make a joke and I'm told that it isn't funny and I need to work on it

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 03/04/2022 17:49

Do you live together? Do you have children together?

Original poster
Smason13 · 03/04/2022 17:50

We do live together and I have one child from a previous relationship

OP posts:
Thesefeetaremadeforwalking · 03/04/2022 17:51

I make a joke and I'm told that it isn't funny and I need to work on it

That's a put-down and it's abusive.

The only thing you need to work on is getting rid of your mean and controlling BF.

DrBrennerFan · 03/04/2022 17:52

Get rid it won’t get any better the critical stuff will get worse .

nldnmum02 · 03/04/2022 17:53

Red flag, protect yourself and your child and get rid.

Sleepytimebear · 03/04/2022 17:55

This is what my life was like with my abusive and controlling ExH. It didn't get better, just got worse and worse until we eventually split. It's not normal and you don't have to live like this. Have you thought about leaving?

Original poster
Smason13 · 03/04/2022 17:55

I try to discuss how they way he is acting makes me feel and it gets twisted and always end up with me apologising!
When I speak he will pick up his phone and ignore me.
I asked him yesterday to put his phone down when I'm talking to him and his response was. "I'm busy reading"
He calls me names, swears at me and when I ask him to stop he says I'm pathetic

OP posts:
Original poster
Smason13 · 03/04/2022 17:56

I have! I gave up everything and moved 300 miles away from my friends and family and I'm sad. If I leave I have nothing anymore

OP posts:
RandomMess · 03/04/2022 17:57

You will have more by leaving him and moving 300 miles back!!

You are your DC are being abused.

PonyPatter44 · 03/04/2022 17:57

You haven't exactly got a lot now! He sounds really horrible- pack up your stuff and go home.

MardyOldGoth · 03/04/2022 17:58

"He calls me names, swears at me and when I ask him to stop he says I'm pathetic."

That's abuse. There's no other word for it.

Original poster
Smason13 · 03/04/2022 18:02

I know there are always two sides to every story but this time I'm fed up of making up excuses for his behaviour.
I was so happy and independent and now I feel like a shadow of my former self. If I leave I will be homeless and I will have no car or job

OP posts:
Original poster
Smason13 · 03/04/2022 18:04

He is so nice to everyone else and I'm worried no one will believe anything I say

OP posts:
Sagaris · 03/04/2022 18:07

@Smason13

I know there are always two sides to every story but this time I'm fed up of making up excuses for his behaviour. I was so happy and independent and now I feel like a shadow of my former self. If I leave I will be homeless and I will have no car or job
But you will have your life back, and your self respect, and not be walking on eggshells any more. It's hard to leave but you will be so much better off for it. Please don't stay and become his verbal punch bag. You can do so much better and have a lovely life.
Beachsidesunset · 03/04/2022 18:08

No car, job or awful man in your and your child's life. It's worth it, OP.

Original poster
Smason13 · 03/04/2022 18:08

No one will ever want me! I'm just not good enough.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 03/04/2022 18:18

Have you read the Lundy book "why does he do that?" You feel worthless because he has been systematically abusing you.

Sleepytimebear · 03/04/2022 18:23

No one will ever want me! I'm just not good enough.

This is not true. He chose you because he knows you have all these amazing qualities and he wants to benefit from them. He is only conditioning you to believe you are not good enough so you don't have the courage to leave him. Once you get away from him you will realise just how much he has been holding you back.

Original poster
Smason13 · 03/04/2022 18:23

I haven't read it actually! Maybe I need too! I don't feel strong enough to leave

OP posts:
Original poster
Smason13 · 03/04/2022 18:25

Why would he want to make me feel so bad if he loved me?

OP posts:
Sleepytimebear · 03/04/2022 18:25

It's OK if you don't feel ready to leave yet but is there anyone who you could talk to who might be able to give you some real support? A friend?

Hopefullyoneday12 · 03/04/2022 18:26

Sounds really rubbish.
The sooner you decide to leave and make it a reality, the sooner you begin to heal, the sooner you have peace. The sooner you meet someone better.

Sleepytimebear · 03/04/2022 18:26

I know it's really hard to hear but he doesn't love you. He sees you as a means to get things he wants. Abusers want control and power - they don't know how to love.