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Original poster

How often do you …..

31 replies

GeneLovesJezebel · 13/02/2022 08:04

See your children who are at Uni, how often do they text/call you, and how often do you see your children who have left home ?
Feeling a bit lonely and unloved right now 😩

OP posts:
WouldYouHaveAproblem · 13/02/2022 09:21

That must be hard OP. My DS (20) hasn't gone to Uni but is living at home in silence and avoiding all contact so it's a type of loneliness too. In your shoes I would try to take the "silence means they're happy" view. I'm sure if they're struggling or unhappy they'd be on the phone in a heartbeat.

WhatEvenHappened44 · 13/02/2022 12:00

I don't have uni aged kids but when I was at uni I only saw my parents at the end of terms when I would go back to their house for a few weeks. In terms of phonecalls I maybe spoke to them about once a week or so.

How often are you hoping to see them or hoping to have contact?

Mamette · 13/02/2022 12:04

DD is 20 and I try to have some communication with her every week.

I saw her last weekend when she came along to her (much) younger brother’s birthday but before that I hadn’t seen her since Christmas. I should add she is at uni and lives with friends but she still lives in the same city as us, about a 40 min train journey away.

TheStirrer · 13/02/2022 12:37

Dd is 19 and first year at uni. Once a week FaceTime call and a few odd texts (usually if she needs stuff / advice). We try to pop up once each term if she can fit us in!
It’s hard but if you don’t hear it usually means they are happy although gutting as a parent! I think you just have to congratulate yourself on producing a self sufficient adult who has made some good friends and enjoying life. 💐

Original poster
GeneLovesJezebel · 13/02/2022 12:38

It would be nice if they just dropped a text every week.
It would be nice if I was invited down to buy them a meal.
I honestly wouldn’t hear from them if they didn’t need something occasionally, and I mean very occasionally.

OP posts:
Original poster
GeneLovesJezebel · 13/02/2022 12:40

My two are very self sufficient and independent. I had them working before they left school and while at Uni.
I know I should be congratulated on how independent they are, but it’s just hard sometimes.

OP posts:
ErinAoife · 13/02/2022 12:44

Same here, don't see much of my eldest, he only contact me when he need something or money. If I don't ring, I will not hear of him unless he need something. It is heartbreaking.

Buzzer3555 · 13/02/2022 12:45

Mine called every day when they were miserable...not so much when things were going well. Be proud you have raised such independent young people

Filthyslattern · 13/02/2022 12:51

Mine facetime every sunday because that was the expectation that we set at the beginning.
They send me their wordle scores every day and whatsapp through the week.
We see one mire than the other because their
uni is closer to home. Last term we saw ds2 once.

It is really really hard and i miss them a lot.
Be kind to yourself .

FinallyHere · 13/02/2022 13:50

Yeah. I was pretty independent and didn't think much about my parents from school in UK years onwards.

It wasn't til towards the end of my DM's life, when she would days things like I was always glad that you went off and enjoyed your life that I really grasped that she would be lonely without us.

It just seemed like a reason to not be a SAHM to me. In her day, announcing her engagement meant she had to resign from her job.

Wherearemymarbles · 13/02/2022 13:57

When i was at uni 30 odd years ago,pre mobile phone's 300 miles from home i never called and might have written an occasional letter. So I only really saw my parents in the holidays.

Wherearemymarbles · 13/02/2022 13:58

Nowadays of course it might have been different

sunshinelover69 · 13/02/2022 14:00

Mine's in her first year at uni 2 hours away. I usually see her once between holidays - she's just been home for a few days as she wasn't feeling well. She texts and sends pics every day and we usually speak at least once a week. Feel lucky that she's in touch so often.

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 13/02/2022 14:02

I used to speak to my parents by Skype once every week or two while at uni. They weren’t texters back then, so that was it. Now, I’m very close to them. I think it was a phase of life when I wanted to distance myself and learn to be independent. Once I’d established myself - had a job, got married, had kids - I started truly enjoying their company again and although we live on different continents we now see each other for long stretches every year (my DM comes to live with us for 2-5 months at a time, and my DF comes to visit for 3 weeks every six months). We also have a very active family WhatsApp group with my siblings.

gingerhills · 13/02/2022 14:27

@GeneLovesJezebel

My two are very self sufficient and independent. I had them working before they left school and while at Uni. I know I should be congratulated on how independent they are, but it’s just hard sometimes.
I understand this. I had to learn to back right off and it is so hard. I usually call or text mine once or twice a week. We try to do a family Zoom (2DC at different unis) once a week but it ends up being once every 8-10 days.)

I never wait for them to invite me, though. I call them and say, I'm coming into town soon to...(I find a reason to be in their uni towns - visiting old friends or work meeting etc, so they don't feel obliged to spend all day with me) Would you be free to meet for lunch or afternoon tea or dinner, my treat?

They usually say yes. DS1 who is far more independent often ring-fences the time and can only spare me an hour or two Grin but that's OK. I try to remember myself at that age and how peripheral parents seemed most of the time.

Sunnytwobridges · 13/02/2022 15:08

When I was at uni which was 3 decades ago I would call my Dps once a week. When my DD went off to uni we would have a weekly call. Rarely text and never saw her except for school breaks. But that was fine with me as I’m an introvert and as long as I knew she was safe and happy I didn’t need to talk or see her more than that.

Most kids only contact their parents when they need something. I loved chatting with my parents so I didn’t mind talking to them weekly.

IsItTooHotInHere · 13/02/2022 15:11

My sons are adults (40 and 38). I see the eldest one every week, and see his children too. I see the 38 year old every fortnight or so, but we text.

Savingpeoplehuntingthings · 13/02/2022 15:16

Dd is 26 so older. She lives around 400 miles away. Only see her about twice a year. We text pretty much every day though.

JemimaMuddledUp · 13/02/2022 15:17

DS1 is 19 and at a university that isn't very far away and has a car, he comes hope for Sunday lunch pretty much every week and does a load of washing while he's here.

DS2 is 17 and DD is 15 and they've already decided that they want to go to universities much further away. I imagine I'll be lucky if I see them at all during term time, it will just be when they come home for Christmas or Easter. In all fairness I was much the same when I went to university.

Ragwort · 13/02/2022 15:20

My DS is 20 and we WhatsApp most days, just silly messages like 'what are you having for supper' or 'something has arrived in the post', he and DH will exchange messages about the rugby or whatever sport is 'topical'. We have a long phone chat at least once a week (we wait for DS to initiate it - don't want to look too clingy!).

When I was a student over 40 years ago I used to write home every couple of weeks and queue to use the pay phone for a chat.

Lovemusic33 · 13/02/2022 15:21

I think if you don’t hear much from them you know you have done a great job raising them to be independent.

My dd is going to uni in September (hopefully), she is autistic and I am worried sick, I will also miss her loads, I would like to think that if I don’t hear from her that she is doing well. I have told her she is welcome home at the weekends if f she wants or I can meet up with her but obviously if she makes friends and doesn’t want to come home that’s fine too.

MadMadMadamMim · 13/02/2022 15:21

I have DS who is late 20s and has been away from home since uni at 18. Roughly 100 miles away. We probably text or call about every three weeks. Both of us work full time, and are busy. He knows where we are if he needs anything. See him maybe 4 times a year?

DD 30 is 400 miles away and I probably speak every 7 - 10 days and see her about twice a year.

Ragwort · 13/02/2022 15:22

We visit probably once a term, haven't seen DS since Christmas but DH is going to see him next weekend and then we will both go down in March as it's his 21st birthday.

Theimpossiblegirl · 13/02/2022 15:25

Once a week video call, odd texts through the week. She messages her sister loads though as now they don't live in the same house they're getting along brilliantly.

TheSmallAssassin · 13/02/2022 15:28

Mine also lives in the same city as us, in his first year. I WhatsApp once a week and we have a few lines back and forth. If I didn't initiate it, he wouldn't get round to it. We had him over for Sunday lunch once in his first term and met up another time. I think he isn't sure how much to be in contact as he's trying to be independent.

I must admit that when my own mum used to complain that I didn't ring, I would think "Well, you've got a phone too, you could ring me!"

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