Appearances

[SeasideArms]

Just had massive row with DH and could do with some perspective!

It was all about how I dress/look.....

He says I don't make an effort, look mumsy, like I don't care. I think I do care, try to look smartish, but my usual outfits skinny jeans, stripes top, ankle boots, nice jacket. I know it doesn't set the world on fire, and I'm a size 18 so do need to lose weight.

He says he's being honest, wants me to look better for the sake of our relationship. I can see his point, but I think we have different ideas of what looks nice and I don't see why I should dress to please him.

It went on and on, but that's the general idea. It's also not the first time. I don't know what to think, I feel like my self esteem is on the floor.

Any advice?

It's a form of abuse and control. What is he like in other ways?

I told him I dress for me, not him, he said I should wear what he finds attractive

Oh, fuck off, you're not an ornament and don't exist solely to please him, you're your own person. If he doesn't like it he can GTFO.

But he makes himself out to be the reasonable one and I'm the one who can't take any criticism.

They always do. But he's not and you're not. xxx

He has said he will buy me new clothes but part of me resists the idea of having him choose my whole wardrobe.

Please keep resisting! After what he's said IMO you shouldn't buy any item he now decides to buy for you to 'improve' you.

I really don't think I should have to wear what he wants me to. But at the same time I appreciate in a relationship there is some give and take

I think a woman's clothing choices are individual choices and they're not ones that a husband should hold sway or influence over. Give and take in a relationship would be deciding on a quilt cover you're both going to use, and sometimes having one person's choice, sometimes another (to give a made up frivolous example.) It doesn't extent to a woman's individual clothing choices.

It sounds like you dress very nicely.

I think it is about your weight. Not that there is anything wrong with it. Some men are quick to criticise even though they are not Brad Pitt.

I notice a difference in my husband. He appreciates that I made an effort

When will men just accept that ‘no makeup’ is just what we look like. Don’t get me wrong I do love putting on makeup and dressing up, it’s nice... but it’s just a facade, it’s not me. We have to accept men as they are, au natural, and by God some of them need some zhooshing up!