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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Advice.. am i right to want to break up again?

38 replies

Teaandbisuits99 · 01/10/2020 10:02

Long story sorry...
together 15 years 2 children.
broke up an got back together couple of years ago. Live seperatly but he stays with me mostly. He has own house mortgage half payed off in his name but was our family home for 2 years.
anyway he works away now and came home at weekend, came to mine late and within minutes of coming in he answers his phone talking to a family member for nearly an hour ignoring myself & kids..
I ended up putting kids to bed and had a moan that it was rude of him and he could have taken call any day that week or before he came to mine that night. He didn’t bother saying goodnight to kids.
Next morning i woke to his dirty dishes placed on top of my clean washing so i had a moan about that i was still anoyed from the night before.
we didn’t speak and he spent the whole weekend gaming while i entertained the children. We were supposed to go out for food but oh wouldn’t come up with any ideas on where to go and one place I suggested he said no, another 2 places i called were fully booked so asked him if he can think of anywhere he basically called me stupid and unable to do a simple task of sorting a table.
Final straw was when he was gaming and got angry at our son for knocking his drink over, after being told to be careful ds spilled his glass (by accident) and oh shouted at him to get out the room and threw the cup arcross the room.

OP posts:

Boopthesnoot1 · 01/10/2020 10:13

Why did you break up the first time?
He sounds comfortable, too comfortable considering the situation of him being a guest in your home. I'd get rid.

Original poster

Teaandbisuits99 · 01/10/2020 10:26

Thanks for reply!
I don’t even know why we first broke up, he started being distant, silent treatment & sly name calling (slag) under his breath even though ive only been with him, and we weren’t talking. it knocked me as it came out of the blue.

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 01/10/2020 10:27

He sounds nasty
Break up again

Lalaloveyou2020 · 01/10/2020 10:38

Oh jesus get rid. Calling you a slag under his breath is awful. Why do you think you deserve to be treated like that?

BIWI · 01/10/2020 10:39

I'm surprised you even need to ask!

Yes, break up with him.

Original poster

Teaandbisuits99 · 01/10/2020 10:45

Thanks for reply everyone...
that name calling wasnt recently I must say.
sometimes you need to hear another person’s view.

OP posts:

Opentooffers · 01/10/2020 10:51

He comes to your home and does gaming all weekend? Does he bring his own console with him or is he using your DC's ? Sounds like a man child at best. He's putting no effort into family life, you'd be better off without him.

Whatisthisfuckery · 01/10/2020 10:58

This is not a relationship, he just stays at your house. Tell him to no longer come to your house, problem solved.

Original poster

Teaandbisuits99 · 01/10/2020 12:11

Mostly...
Unless we (i) plan a day out or he getd his hair cut or does a work out..
He is supposed to be renovating his house in the hope we all move back in time for Christmas but its one delay after another
Thanks for reply

OP posts:

hexmeginny · 01/10/2020 13:03

There's only one answer - yes, break up. Imagine what kind of life you can have without this idiot in it.

Aerial2020 · 01/10/2020 13:07

That is awful for your partner to call you a slag.

Delbelleber · 01/10/2020 13:48

Not worth it. Move on.

newnameforthis123 · 01/10/2020 14:40

Final straw was when he was gaming and got angry at our son for knocking his drink over, after being told to be careful ds spilled his glass (by accident) and oh shouted at him to get out the room and threw the cup arcross the room.

Obviously you need to leave him, he's an arsehole.

Oh and if someone loves you it doesn't matter if you've been with 1 person before them or 100, calling you a slag is unforgivable and is a real sign of misogyny IME.

The relationship is unhealthy, you don't bring out the best in each other and life's too short to be with an adult who lashes out and throws a cup across the room because their child has an accident that interrupts them gaming...

You've left before, you can do it again knowing you tried but it didn't work out.

BubblyBarbara · 01/10/2020 14:50

You already know you can split up with him so yes do it again because he sounds like an absolutely dreadful "man"

Original poster

Teaandbisuits99 · 01/10/2020 21:51

Thanks everyone for replying

OP posts:

Shizzlestix · 01/10/2020 22:31

I couldn’t cope with the gaming. He hasn’t seen you and the dc all week and spends all weekend gaming and ignoring you with hour long calls? And he verbally abuses you? He sounds shit. Why are you allowing this? First partner and had kids with him doesn’t mean you have to be with someone so disrespectful.

Happynow001 · 04/10/2020 06:23

@Teaandbisuits99

He is supposed to be renovating his house in the hope we all move back in time for Christmas but its one delay after another
I don't understand why you'd contemplate doing this when he has such contempt for you. Wouldn't it be emotionally healthier for you if he just stayed in his own home (and has no access, eg keys) to your home? Keep him as arm's length as possible. No personal services are due to this user.

Also if "its one delay after another" isn't it more likely he's stringing you along anyway? I bet you make him very comfortable in your own home.

Thus current situation isn't great for you and must be confusing for your children. Time for some proper boundary setting, and self-preservation OP. 🌹

mallorytower · 04/10/2020 06:37

Gaming all weekend? How boring. It’s your home and he’s taking the absolute piss. Time to get rid

Livandme · 04/10/2020 07:53

Sounds like he just rocks up for a warm house and access to the console.
Send him on his way, he's pointless.

Original poster

Teaandbisuits99 · 04/10/2020 08:08

Lol... thank you its what i need to hear to be honest
Ive asked my sister but she can’t give advice and just says i need to tell him
Thanks everyone for advice

OP posts:

AlwaysCheddar · 04/10/2020 08:12

Where are you living? Sounds like he’s taking you for a ride. Get your half of the house and move on.

Lozzerbmc · 04/10/2020 08:15

There is no happy future in the relationship. He calls you names and throws things in anger. He doesnt respect you, your home, doesnt seem interested in the kids and wants just to do his own thing. He is not a partner or much of a dad either. He is adding nothing to your life.

My boss once told me only to be with someone who enriches my life. Does he enrich yours? No! You are better off on your own I think.

Sssloou · 04/10/2020 08:28

OK he has treated you badly for a long time. His behaviour is dissociated, dysfunctional, aggressive, disconnected. I can feel the bitter, barely contained rage oozing from him in your post......

That’s something YOU have tolerated. But now your DCs are direct recipients of his abusive behaviour as well. No child ever should be treated like that - throwing the glass is an act of domestic violence. This will progress as his anger festers.

Your DCs are being emotionally injured in this environment. It will affect their own behaviour, cause them to be withdrawn or aggressive due to the stress and anxiety of living with him.

Get him out. Give your DC a calm and peaceful home where they can have certainly and consistency to grow because everyone treats each other with kindness and respect.

You’ve done it before. Do it quickly with calmness and dignity.

Is he a drinker or a weed smoker? Does he do this heavily when he works away and is hung over when back with you all?

Do you do his cooking, cleaning and laundry?

Original poster

Teaandbisuits99 · 04/10/2020 08:43

Thank you
We are in a 2 bed council house, ‘our’ other one is a 3 bed but mortgage is in his name only so no chance of me getting half,
its unlivable at the moment as everthing has been ripped out

OP posts:

Original poster

Teaandbisuits99 · 04/10/2020 08:49

Thank you
This made me choke up reading this
He is not a weed smoker but does smoke cigs occasionally and has a drink on weekend not lots,
He hasn’t so much treated me badly always but always done his own thing and not helped with kids or housework only thing he’d do was the food shop and occasionally cook.
I know i can provide a calm home for me & my babies i just feel bad as ds often talks about when were moving back with dad so he can have his own room :(

OP posts:

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