Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Do you know anyone who is 100% happy with life and has it all?

44 replies

User36485 · 03/09/2020 13:16

Does this exist?

I feel like a failure for having all the hallmarks of what is typically needed to be happy but struggling with mental health now and then and also regrets about past relationships. Even if I had the perfect life from now on I think I would still feel it hadn’t always been perfect. I feel under pressure to be happy constantly because I have more than most in some respects.

Is anyone 100% totally happy with life?

OP posts:
MajesticWhine · 03/09/2020 13:25

No I don't think it's really possible as a human to be 100% happy or to have a perfect life.
I have so much, I have a good life, but I have days when I am down or depressed or angry. There is not much point worrying about things from the past or having regrets and I certainly don't dwell on those. Maybe the quest for perfection is making you unhappy?

HairyToity · 03/09/2020 13:29

I have kind of been happier recently. Just let things go, including past failures. You can't change the past only the future. I just work on small steps each and every day. All you can do is try.

Also enjoy the moment, and I make an effort to get outdoors every day.... Either gardening or a short walk.

lazylinguist · 03/09/2020 13:31

I think it's probably a mistake to think that 'having it all' is ever really what makes someone happy and mentally healthy tbh. I find it strange and a bit sad that anyone would feel guilty for not having perfect mental health just because they happen to have a superficially fortunate life.

stoptheworldiwant2getoff · 03/09/2020 13:36

Hmm, I don't "have it all" if we're talking about money and stuff, but am 100% happy in home life and currently working towards a new business (which may or may not fail) but am def happy doing what I'm doing to get there. What everyone sees as a perfect life is different to the next person.

Original poster
User36485 · 03/09/2020 13:37

I think it’s the feeling I should be happier that makes me feel stressed and guilty and then less happy.

OP posts:
lazylinguist · 03/09/2020 13:47

I think you need to try and stop even thinking about happiness tbh. It's not a logical equation or even a goal. Trying to analyse it or see it as a moral achievement or failure is totally counterproductive imo. Try and stay present in the moment and do things you enjoy. It sounds like you are over-thinking things.

Lollypop701 · 03/09/2020 13:51

No I don’t know anyone who is 💯 happy... it’s a Disney goal... only seen in films. Don’t look at social media, it’s the highlights only and often exaggerated. I always think, If I were happy all the time , how would i know!!! I only know I’m happy today as yesterday was a shocker!

SYT66 · 03/09/2020 13:51

I doubt many people are 100% happy. There is always the odd thing that might not be totally how you want it to be. However, it’s better to focus on things that do make you happy and not dwell on the past as that is filled with what if’s!

mindutopia · 03/09/2020 13:59

It sounds like you are placing an awful lot of pressure on yourself. I don't think it's realistic for anyone to be 100% happy all the time. I think being content and pleased with the life you have is one thing. But that doesn't mean you are 100% happy. Anger, sadness, disappointment, these are all normal healthy emotions. Actually the only people I know who proclaim loudly that they never feel these are actually highly dysfunctional people who really don't have very good, healthy lives.

I would say I'm happy with what my life is like and content that generally everything I had control over has worked out the way I want it to be, yes. But dh and I both come from pretty dysfunctional families and are NC with our parents. This is sad and upsetting, but outside our control, and while I acknowledge its sad we have crap parents, the only thing you can do is make the best of everything else. You can't magically fix your mental health and you can't control what other people do in relationships. Finding peace with that (it took a good bit of therapy!) has meant letting go of expectations that that's something I can fix. It is what it is. I can't fix anyone else's brokenness, so I've learned to let that go. I think that's a really healthy thing to try to do (like I said, it took a good bit of therapy), but it's changed the way I feel about it all.

fizzybootlace · 03/09/2020 14:20

I honestly was in 2012/13, it was perfect and I haven't been able to get back to it. Its been fairly shit since then due to bereavement, illness and job issues in the family and I'm so aware that I am nowhere near as happy now, despite having the usual material things that are deemed to make us happy. I'm trying to change what I can but lots of obstacles and difficult people, same for everyone really. So much has changed and I can't see it ever coming close to what it was Sad

Sssloou · 03/09/2020 15:14

I think that you have to be mentally flexible to able to access, experience and process a whole range of nuanced emotions minute by minute to feel alive. You need contrast, context, depth and texture - rather than seek to fix yourself in some static, fake form of happy - maybe aim to have empathy, feel and sense what’s happening with yourself and others and be balanced and grateful rather than “happy”.

Is there a specific event or a pattern of relationships that you need to understand and accept in order to process the past and be in the moment.

Original poster
User36485 · 03/09/2020 15:58

That’s really interesting I like that concept. I think I just feel I messed up and didn’t make the most of things when I should have etc etc .

OP posts:
SueEllenofDallas · 03/09/2020 16:06

I think it’s the feeling I should be happier that makes me feel stressed and guilty and then less happy

Don't strive to be happy, strive to live an interesting life and you will be content much of the time and have moments of happiness.

FifteenToes · 03/09/2020 16:11

I know one person who is effectively 100% happy, but that's basically because he's a huge believer in positive thinking and has just decided to see everything that way and interpret all his experiences that way.

I don't particularly aspire to be like him though. Unhappiness, stress, fear, regret etc. are natural responses to certain stimuli and experiences, and they are part of living a full and honest life. His kind of relentless happiness slways seems to have an element of contrivance and denial, to me.

category12 · 03/09/2020 16:45

You're always going to fail if your goal is 100% happiness.

I think it's important to appreciate what you have, not over-dwell on what you could have done differently, avoid comparing your life to others and set yourself achievable targets.

HM1984 · 04/09/2020 06:35

Social media doesn't help. Kids today being pushed to look and act a certain way, older users flaunting their luxuries on credit or otherwise. Its a very show off culture we live in and even those with millions are never truly satisfied with their life and strive for more more more.

30under · 04/09/2020 06:37

Are you content, day-to-day?
I know lots of people use a gratitude journal to remind them to 'count their blessings'.

Have you looked at the action for happiness calendars?

Enterthedragons · 04/09/2020 06:41

All humans have a natural set point for happiness and whatever happens (winning a lottery or losing a limb) we eventually go back to our set point after the initial excitement/devastation.

As humans we are not designed to be happy all the time and we don’t need to be! All your emotions are totally natural and valid. Don’t deny any of them, just experience them and then let them go. They will always pass whatever they are- fear, striving, boredom, happiness etc etc etc.

Fatted · 04/09/2020 06:44

In all honesty OP, it sounds like the things you have in life are what 'should' be making you happy rather than what you actually 'want' or 'need' to make you happy.

I always felt like I wasn't pushing myself harder in life, wasn't focused or driven enough to go for and get promotions in work, more money etc. I didn't feel happy because I wasn't where I'd told myself I should be in life. Then I hit my 30s, had kids and realised I just want an easy life. I accepted its OK to have a mediocre job with enough money to afford our house and the odd little luxury.

I know someone who to the outside 'has it all' but it is blatantly obvious to anyone who scratches below the surface that they are just trying to fill a void in their life left by an absent parent with money and stuff. It's clear they are only with their DP for their money and it's quite upsetting to watch it all unfold.

larrygrylls · 04/09/2020 06:45

People assume ‘having it all’ is the secret to happiness. It isn’t.

Research shows that money increases happiness up to a point (about 50k per annum) and then it actually slightly declined. People need a certain amount of challenge and stress to keep them happy. Also helping others is shown to create happiness.

Personally I don’t think that aiming to ‘be happy’ ever really achieves the aim.

Mintjulia · 04/09/2020 06:54

I feel like I have the perfect life but I'm in my fifties and have learned to value the important things and not worry too much about the rest.
I have a wonderful ds, my health, a nice home, and I am financially secure (pension etc). I enjoy every day.

I don't have a partner and some would see that as lacking, but since my previous relationships haven't made me happy, I've chosen to be single. It seemed sensible. Trying to 'have it all' was what was making me unhappy.

Sentos · 04/09/2020 06:56

100% happy is impossible.

This poem is the sort of happiness I’m aiming for

The Orange
By Wendy Cope

At lunchtime I bought a huge orange
The size of it made us all laugh.
I peeled it and shared it with Robert and Dave—
They got quarters and I had a half.

And that orange it made me so happy,
As ordinary things often do
Just lately. The shopping. A walk in the park
This is peace and contentment. It’s new.

The rest of the day was quite easy.
I did all my jobs on my list
And enjoyed them and had some time over.
I love you. I’m glad I exist.

BillywilliamV · 04/09/2020 06:57

I did.. before Covid, although I’m not sure I appreciated that at the time.

You really do not know what you have got, until it’s gone!

user1493413286 · 04/09/2020 06:59

It depends how you define having it all; I would say that I have what I want in life (married, kids, house, career) and i’m happy with my life but I’m not happy 100% of the time; sometimes for no reason I feel low, DH and DHs kids will drive me crazy, work is stressed, money gets tight. I’m working hard on feeling content with my life and not getting too worked out by different stresses in life

netsybetsy · 04/09/2020 08:31

No I don't know anyone like that. Certainly not me, though I am very grateful for what I do have.

Even if someone did have it all - it will be taken away from them one day. Illness - their own and others. Changing fortunes. Who could have predicted COVID? Our loved ones will die. Beauty doesn't last. Health doesn't last. Life doesn't last. Accidents happen. Having money can't help you escape any of these facts.

All the more reason to get what you can out of everyday - today is all we have.