Do you know anyone who is 100% happy with life and has it all?

[User36485]

Does this exist?

I feel like a failure for having all the hallmarks of what is typically needed to be happy but struggling with mental health now and then and also regrets about past relationships. Even if I had the perfect life from now on I think I would still feel it hadn’t always been perfect. I feel under pressure to be happy constantly because I have more than most in some respects.

Is anyone 100% totally happy with life?

[Wrongdecider]

Oh no I think I killed the tread! I’m sorry OP!

@Jo0070 I just have get through the next 6 months unfortunately The covid 19 recession has caused jobs in my sector to vanish. So a new role that could pay for a lovely house is an unrealistic dream.

[Jo0070]

Wrongdecider - I felt upset for you reading that. For sure you will feel depressed and anxious hun; you had a taste of the good life and then life threw you a shit ball

Maybe you'll feel helpless for a while, just until you can jump back on the right path again.

What would get you back on track - hope of a new career? You ever thought of going to uni? There's support for mum's xx

[Wrongdecider]

For context 5 months ago I had a beautiful home, money and we were secure. I was happy - we all were.

Really hope we can have that again

[Wrongdecider]

I am entirely unhappy battling depression and anxiety. I live in a house I absolutely hate (for 6 months - how will I cope!), my money is dwindling and there’s no jobs being advertised.

I feel absolutely horrendously guilty for not being good enough to ensure that my lovely son has a secure and happy life. And a happy mum.

I am grateful that my husband is so supportive and an amazing Dad.

Sometimes I wonder if all their problems would disappear if I disappeared....

Or if all our problems would disappear if I had a good job....

Argh!!!

[DigOutThoseLemonHandWipes]

It isn't realistic to be happy all the time. By definition being happy is feeling better than you do when you feel unhappy so if you feel.the same all the time it's not 'happy'.
It's also really easy to look at someone else's life from the outside and think they have it all but you can't really know the truth about someone else's life.
I don't have it all but I am grateful for what I have (I wanted three children thanks to infertility I have one but I am very grateful for the one I have and very aware that lots of people don't ever get to experience the joy of a child). My DH is far from perfect (so am I) but he loves me far more than I deserve and we are a team - far from hurting our relationship years of childlessness and treatment and rounds of failed IVF made us closer. I have crappy days and sad days but the contrast is that I have happy days (and sometimes great days) which I wouldn't have if I felt the same every day. Even if that baseline same same was happy it very quickly wouldn't feel like happy because it isn't an up from average.

[zeddybrek]

I am but it wasn't always like this.

I'm grateful for my health, a job I like, I love where we live and a family that makes me happy.

Nothing is fancy or enviable but it's just how I want it and it makes me very happy.

I accept the ups and downs and don't worry about things I have no control over for example I think I might be at risk of redundancy in the next 6 months. So I am thinking about a back up plan now but not worrying at all.

I'm not on social media other than MN, this I think really makes a difference.

My life is simple. For example I absolutely love swimming so I go as much as I can and I am so happy all day.

I think it takes time. I have read up and tried to practice a lot of resilience, there is a really great TED talk on this. I'll try to find a link.

For me happiness also includes the understanding that there are ups and downs in life.

For example my nan passed away this week and I'm sad and devastated I won't see her again but I accept this is a natural thing to happen and she is no more pain. Acceptance is a huge part of the happy mindset for me personally.

Also comparison is the thief of joy so look inwards for fulfilment and peace not at others.

[suggestionsplease1]

I'm very content, but it's certainly not an elated, euphoric happiness!

You're putting yourself under pressure to feel something that is unrealistic. Trite alert: Make peace with yourself, your past decisions and actions and use them to shape who you are going forward. On a day-to-day basis don't focus self-consciously on yourself but rather on living in the moment - you're not building up to anything that is certain, you just have to live each minute by minute, appreciating all your experiences. Think about bringing happiness in all your interactions with others and it will come back to you.

[NellyJames]

lost a child.

[NellyJames]

I felt a bit like you until a good friend list a child. In happiness terms, there’s no coming back from that. Ever. Cliched as it is, it jolted me out of it. Fuck, things aren’t easy at the moment but I’m lucky in all the ways that matter.

[Jo0070]

What would make you happy right now?

If you had asked yourself that question 1 month ago / 1 year ago / 5 years ago - is there a recurring theme?

Do you need to stop repeating something?
Or do you need to start setting yourself some goals?
Do you make time for yourself?
Are you stressed a lot?

What do 'you' 'need' to make you happy?

When you're 80 years old, sat in your rocking chair looking back on your life - will that 80 year old have any regrets? If so - that's what you need to work :-)

[LordOfTheOnionRings]

I am very happy in life, but I feel that's mainly due to my slight lack of empathy. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but i can shrug off most things that are negative - an unkind word, a tense conversation goes over my head. I don't dwell on anything whatsoever and tend to have a positive outlook. I remember things much more positivity than they may have been!

Other people tend to think im quite aloof, but i just live my life making my partner, son and I happy and comfortable. The best thing I ever learnt was to not care what other people think, although that might have gone too far 😎

[ShuddaCudda]

This is a really good thread.

[SandyY2K]

I don't think it's possible to be 100% happy all the time...it's not realistic IMO.

[Bumpsadaisie]

It's not actually possible to have it all. If you want one thing you have to give other things up. If you want to focus on a b and c in life, then you can't focus on x y and z.

If you choose to marry someone you give up marrying all the others and also being single/unmarried.

If you choose career a then you can't do all those other careers that interest you.

There is no such thing as unalloyed happiness. Life is full of losses both of loved ones but also of choices you must forgo.

Instead though you can strive to live a life which is meaningful to you. Working that out is an ongoing journey in itself.

[bloodywhitecat]

I don't have it all but I am 100% happy with my life. OK, so OH is still undergoing investgions and he is by no means out of the woods yet for pancreatic/ampullary cancer and it has been a real battle to get this far but we love each other, have 3 wonderful birth children between us and are now fostering a 10 month old and a 5 month old one of whom faces their own challenges. Life is challenging at the moment but there are always challenges to face. We are not rich, we don't own our own home and there are scary times ahead but we'll get there.

[TopOfTheCliff]

I was happier then ever in my life before Brexit and Covid and now I have breast cancer. But despite lockdown and chemotherapy and all the crap I am happy now.
I am like a Weeble toy that gets knocked down but bobs up again. My default mode is cheery optimism and I live half my life in happy denial. I have coped recently by imagining I am a white feather floating on a lazy river with no control over my destination but trusting it will be a good one.
I had a big birthday party cancelled last week but all my family and friends made a video for me and I appreciate so much their love and support. I am loved and financially secure and the outlook is good for my cancer.
The secret is to live in the moment and not look back with regret but forgive yourself. And don’t worry about the future when it comes will be soon enough. The Power of Now by Eckaert Tolle sums it up well.
I am becoming a dotty old hippy and I am loving it

You will be fine OP if you just let go of your fixed ideas and enjoy each day

[amusedtodeath1]

Don't seek happiness, it's not a sustainable feeling. Contentment is a much more achievable goal. Even when I have the worst day, I know that essentially everything is okay and I'll get past this.

I found contentment when I allowed myself to be who I am and stuff anyone who wants to laugh at my love for Star Wars, or people who judge me because I haven't given much thought to my appearance that day. I'm weird and I'm ok with that.

[netsybetsy]

@Sentos

100% happy is impossible.

This poem is the sort of happiness I’m aiming for

The Orange
By Wendy Cope

At lunchtime I bought a huge orange
The size of it made us all laugh.
I peeled it and shared it with Robert and Dave—
They got quarters and I had a half.

And that orange it made me so happy,
As ordinary things often do
Just lately. The shopping. A walk in the park
This is peace and contentment. It’s new.

The rest of the day was quite easy.
I did all my jobs on my list
And enjoyed them and had some time over.
I love you. I’m glad I exist.

Loved that

[netsybetsy]

No I don't know anyone like that. Certainly not me, though I am very grateful for what I do have.

Even if someone did have it all - it will be taken away from them one day. Illness - their own and others. Changing fortunes. Who could have predicted COVID? Our loved ones will die. Beauty doesn't last. Health doesn't last. Life doesn't last. Accidents happen. Having money can't help you escape any of these facts.

All the more reason to get what you can out of everyday - today is all we have.

[user1493413286]

It depends how you define having it all; I would say that I have what I want in life (married, kids, house, career) and i’m happy with my life but I’m not happy 100% of the time; sometimes for no reason I feel low, DH and DHs kids will drive me crazy, work is stressed, money gets tight. I’m working hard on feeling content with my life and not getting too worked out by different stresses in life

[BillywilliamV]

I did.. before Covid, although I’m not sure I appreciated that at the time.

You really do not know what you have got, until it’s gone!

[Sentos]

100% happy is impossible.

This poem is the sort of happiness I’m aiming for

The Orange
By Wendy Cope

At lunchtime I bought a huge orange
The size of it made us all laugh.
I peeled it and shared it with Robert and Dave—
They got quarters and I had a half.

And that orange it made me so happy,
As ordinary things often do
Just lately. The shopping. A walk in the park
This is peace and contentment. It’s new.

The rest of the day was quite easy.
I did all my jobs on my list
And enjoyed them and had some time over.
I love you. I’m glad I exist.

[Mintjulia]

I feel like I have the perfect life but I'm in my fifties and have learned to value the important things and not worry too much about the rest.
I have a wonderful ds, my health, a nice home, and I am financially secure (pension etc). I enjoy every day.

I don't have a partner and some would see that as lacking, but since my previous relationships haven't made me happy, I've chosen to be single. It seemed sensible. Trying to 'have it all' was what was making me unhappy.

[larrygrylls]

People assume ‘having it all’ is the secret to happiness. It isn’t.

Research shows that money increases happiness up to a point (about 50k per annum) and then it actually slightly declined. People need a certain amount of challenge and stress to keep them happy. Also helping others is shown to create happiness.

Personally I don’t think that aiming to ‘be happy’ ever really achieves the aim.