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Original poster

Partner hanging out with much younger woman

26 replies

Frustratedneighbour · 22/08/2020 21:35

Partner of a year is in a running group. He is now running on separate days with a 20 year old woman - as she lives closer to him and he doesn’t have to travel. He insists they are friends. I’ve told him I wasn’t happy but didn’t tell him what to do - I assume it was implicit. I thought, given how seriously I told him I wasn’t happy and it wasn’t appropriate, he wouldn’t run with her again. In actual fact, he is indeed planning another run with her. He said he invited the other group members but nobody wanted to join. We are in our 30s. He insists he loves me, doesn’t fancy her etc. To me, it just isn’t enough. I’m absolutely fine with his many other female friends.

AIBU to want to dump him over this?

OP posts:
LouiseTrees · 22/08/2020 21:37

Why don’t you go on the run with them?

ClamDango · 22/08/2020 21:40

Not appropriate?. Are you his mum. Why dont you offer to join the running.group and run with him.

NYMM · 22/08/2020 21:42

If you're happy with his other female friends, what is it about this particular woman that makes you feel threatened?

Original poster
Frustratedneighbour · 22/08/2020 21:44

I know he likes much younger women. She’s new on the scene. And the only one he hands out with one on one.

I’ve not seen him all weekend because he was running with the group today, and will run half day with her tomorrow.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 22/08/2020 21:45

Aside from her age, why is this female friend any different from his other female friends?

The real issue is whether you trust him or not. If you don't, end it.

RLGGG · 22/08/2020 21:45

As a member of a running club, part of what makes it so special is that you get to meet and run with people of all ages and backgrounds. I run with both men and women, some much younger than me and some much older, it has really enriched my life. If you start telling him he can't run with members of the group that will make it massively uncomfortable for him and is just not in the spirit. Unless you have any evidence of him cheating on you I'm sorry to say I think YABU.

Original poster
Frustratedneighbour · 22/08/2020 21:46

*hangs out with

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 22/08/2020 21:46

I know he likes much younger women.

Why are you bothering with him, then?

Mylittlepony374 · 22/08/2020 21:55

YABU. Unless you have some reason not to trust him you can't dictate his friends.

Original poster
Frustratedneighbour · 22/08/2020 22:36

Aquamarine1029 because I love him Sad

OP posts:
Bloodylush · 22/08/2020 22:41

Why aren’t you seeing him on weekends in the evenings? It does sound like he is putting running and/or this woman before you.

Sakurami · 22/08/2020 22:52

How do you know he likes much younger women? If he prefers to spend his weekedn running rather than being with you then I don't see the point in being with him.

TinkersTailor · 22/08/2020 23:34

It sounds as though you don't trust him. All the other (older?) females are okay, but you've really got your back up about this 20 year old.

You're only a year in. If it makes you that uncomfortable and he continues to run with her (not that he shouldn't, he's not actually doing anything wrong) then I'd call it a day.

You'll continue to bang heads about this. He (rightly) feels like he's doing nothing wrong, you're uncomfortable with it. You can't force him to stop doing something, nor should you want to.

toastmeahotcrossbun · 22/08/2020 23:48

Get yourself your own hobby and start hanging out with a younger/hotter man

Dollyrocket · 23/08/2020 00:13

It’s important to trust your gut instinct and I do think it’s very easy for people to say that you can’t control who his friends are etc.. But imho most people wouldn’t be especially comfortable with this.

I think that my DH wouldn’t feel really comfortable doing this actually, as he would probably be vaguely concerned it might look a bit dodgy (he’s late 40’s) and also if he felt I wasn’t comfortable either he would take my feelings into account and not encourage meeting outside of the running club/groups.
Obviously if now and again people don’t show up and it just ends up being the two of them, it’s more of a non issue that he hasn’t planned.

All that said, you saying he likes younger women, is a separate issue and if he’s actively trying to engineer time with her then his intentions are grim and all you’re going to do is destroy your self esteem and respect by staying with the creep (who uses his hobby to lech in young women..)Hmm

EKGEMS · 23/08/2020 02:26

@ClamDango Don't be stupid and obtuse she has a gut feeling about this woman

DancingCatGif · 23/08/2020 02:32

"because I love him"

That phrase has been the ruin of far too many women.

Love is meaningless without trust and partnership. You don't love him. You're dependent on him. That's a totally different thing.

Either you're controlling and jealous or he's a cheat. No one on here can tell you what is happening, but you know yourself.

Starksforthewin · 23/08/2020 02:43

DancingCat has put it perfectly.

It’s not love. Sort yourself out and don’t be so desperate for a partner. If this behaviour is a hard boundary for you, then find someone who doesn’t act in that way or you are heading for a lifetime of misery trying to police who your partner hangs out with.

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/08/2020 03:16

@Frustratedneighbour

I know he likes much younger women. She’s new on the scene. And the only one he hands out with one on one.

I’ve not seen him all weekend because he was running with the group today, and will run half day with her tomorrow.

Envy
MayDayFightsBack · 23/08/2020 03:18

He sounds fucking boring just because he keeps doing all that running. That would be enough for me to dump him!

Anordinarymum · 23/08/2020 03:19

OP do you run as well?

How does a relationship work out if he spends all his time running.

Saltyauntiepoop · 23/08/2020 03:29

I like how the one he ends up running with is a young woman... out of all the possibilities this is who he ends up with. Trust your feelings op.

Saltyauntiepoop · 23/08/2020 03:31

It would really be funny if you were to start running with them
. Even better if you surprise him last minute so he doesnt have time to get out of it. See the dynamics, how uncomfortable they seem to see you there too.

MsDogLady · 23/08/2020 04:25

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AmandaHugenkiss · 23/08/2020 08:59

What do you mean by regularly hangs out one on one? If he’s going for drinks or meals with her alone, that’s inappropriate. If by hangs out you mean he goes running with, that’s fine. People in running clubs often end up running with others who live nearby and have the same pace, rather than travel further.

But regardless, if you aren’t happy with this then it may be you aren’t suited as a couple. Especially if he spends more of his free time running than with you, he isn’t making you a priority. This won’t change, runners/cyclists/swimmers etc have their routines and you either accept it or find someone with a less consuming hobby.

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