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Original poster

Dads getting changed in front of their DD?

38 replies

RLEOM · 15/08/2020 18:07

My ex and I are discussing getting changed in front of our nearly two-year-old DD. I'm often naked in front of her whereas he gets dressed turned away from her as he says it's weird for her to see him naked, which is understandable and appropriate IMO.

What is the norm with dad's getting changed in front of their DD? What is the cut off age?

I couldn't really tell if he was annoyed at me for getting changed in front of her, but my mum and my nan were comfortable around me, so I don't really see an issue with it from my point of view as a mother with her daughter. I would love to know what everyone else's view/experience is on this.

TIA

OP posts:
RealMermaid · 15/08/2020 18:10

I really don't see any issue at that age for either of you.

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 15/08/2020 18:12

To whatever age all feel comfortable with. It seems your ex is not comfortable with it and that’s fine.

TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 15/08/2020 18:13

My dad always got changed in front of me. I hated it for a few years as a teenager then it stopped bothering me again.

I walk around naked in front of my teen ds'. I've told them to tell me if it's a problem. They haven't said it is yet .

BuffaloCauliflower · 15/08/2020 18:13

I think it’s weird either of you would find it odd for him to be naked in front of her!? It’s her dad. Bodies are normal. Pretty sure the last time I saw my dad getting changed I was about 10/11?

BuffaloCauliflower · 15/08/2020 18:14

I’ve seen my mum in bath when we’ve both been adults.

Original poster
RLEOM · 15/08/2020 18:18

Thanks, guys. I'm an only child and lived with my mum and dad. I don't recall ever seeing ny dad naked but always my mum. I have very limited experience with this.

It wouldn't bother me right now if he were to get naked in front of her - I was surprised he doesn't tbh. And although he didn't say much, he still made me feel like I was inappropriate for even asking if she's seen his manhood (she keeps singing the word 'willies', hence the post).

OP posts:
RoadworksAgain · 15/08/2020 18:19

My DS is 16.

We don't gratuitously walk around naked but we will sometimes do a naked dash across the landing if there's no towel in the bathroom.

I was drying my hair this morning in my dressing room in just my knickers and DS walked in looking for something and didn't bat an eyelid.

He will shout me to pass some shower gel in to him if he's in the shower and realises it's ran out.

No issues with it.

rvby · 15/08/2020 18:20

Its an issue when dd or dad feels it is.

My ds is 8 and I don't seek out opportunities to change in front of him, but if he walks in while I'm undressed, neither of us are fussed. I bf till he was 2.5 after all, its just not really an issue.

When he was 7 he started wanting privacy for himself, which I respect (I knock before entering, etc). However this all goes out the window if he is in the bath and wants me to come and participate in a knock knock joke! Similarly if he's ill and needs me, he doesn't care if he is undressed/if I undress him. I expect that will change over time.

There are no rules here, it's about paying attention to how the child feels and how you feel, and responding appropriately

Risotto4tea · 15/08/2020 18:21

My oldest DD is 10 I have always been comfortable naked in front of her but just recently she wants more privacy herself and doesn't 'want' to see me naked. I try to respect this so while we would still share a changing room at the pool we would be back to back. I also still need to help when she washes her hair but now I let her get changed without watching, like they do in a beauty salon. I think she is the same with her dad (my ex). But she has never seen my DP naked although he lived with us since she was 5 and we were together a couple of yrs before that, to me that didnt seem appropriate.He saw her naked when she was littler but not anymore. He is happy to be naked in front of our kids thou ages 2 and 3 and they usually come for a chat when I'm on the loo so now privacy at all with them!!

Original poster
RLEOM · 15/08/2020 18:22

Thank you @rvby and @RoadworksAgain

I suspect it might also be because she doesn't live with him. Had we'd stayed together after she was born, he might be more comfortable around her. Either way, I respect his decision.

OP posts:
Lucked · 15/08/2020 18:24

My children aged 8 (boy) and 6 (girl) still occasionally see both of us naked. We all use the same bathroom, DH sleeps naked and they wander in whilst we are dressing. Nakedness is a bit of a non issue in this house. DH takes them swimming a lot as well.

AriesTheRam · 15/08/2020 18:27

I get changed in front of ds 6 if I need to

Littleposh · 15/08/2020 20:06

My dad still wanders around naked in front of me, I'm 40 . . .

Colom · 15/08/2020 23:16

Mine are only preschoolers so they follow me to the toilet/shower/bloody everywhere! So they are used to seeing me naked but my husband is the same as your ex and has never, ever been naked in front of the DC - even as babies! He think it's inappropriate, I assume it's because they're girls? It would t bother me but he's a funny fish about these things so I leave him be!

Raella50 · 15/08/2020 23:41

My DH ran outside naked and jumped into the hot tub earlier today. Our kids don’t care at all!

3sb73zmlsn98 · 15/08/2020 23:45

My parents were very keen that us kids didn't have a complex about nudity so did indeed wander round with no clothes on - I think Dad may have walked that back a bit after I took a photo of his naked arse when I was about 14.😎
I wouldn't say I have a complex about nudity and will happily potter round my own house starkers but if I had a choice between a nude sauna or pool or a swimsuit one I'd go for the latter fwiw.

FifteenToes · 16/08/2020 02:15

I'm a dad my DD is 15. Obviously I don't go naked in front of her now, but I did when she was little. Can't honestly remember what age I stopped but it was a lot older than 2. I think I basically did it when she started showing signs of modesty, wrapping a towel round herself coming out of the bathroom, always getting dressed before emerging from her bedroom etc. I figured if she didn't want to be seen naked she probably didn't want to see me naked either. Might have been about 7-8.

Her mother and her still freely see each other in the bath etc. and think nothing of it.

Your DH would have to phase out nudity at some stage anyway so if he feels more comfortable doing that now, fine. As for you I wouldn't worry about it ever unless your DD seems uncomfortable. But attitudes to these things vary a lot between families.

nightshiftboredom · 16/08/2020 04:30

My Mum and Dad divorced when I was three and I had to visit him at weekends. He lived with my Nan in a two bedroom house and very occasionally I would have to stay over and therefore share a room with him.

Despite the fact I was probably 5 or 6 years old and am now nearly 35 I will literally never forget waking up one morning, turning over in my bed and seeing my Dad getting out of his bed next to me with his dressing gown open and his penis on full show. I was so shocked that I quickly turned back over and pretended to be asleep. He thought it was so hilarious that he told my Mum when he dropped me back at home (she was disgusted and I don't think I ever had to stay again after that).

Perhaps it is different if you grow up with your Dad in your house, perhaps mine was just a f**king creep, but I personally feel physically sick when I think about seeing my Dad naked - even after all these years. So in my opinion your ex's behaviour is spot on and very respectful. I wish my Father had behaved the same way.

SimplySteveRedux · 16/08/2020 05:27

I stopped getting changed with DD around when she was about three, but I had a challenging abusive childhood.

JinglingHellsBells · 16/08/2020 09:00

I never saw my dad naked. When I used to clean my teeth in the bathroom and he was sometimes having an early bath (after playing footie- no showers in those days) he'd place a face cloth over his bits, in the bath.

DD would see me naked when changing for swimming etc but DH didn't show himself and I didn't to my DS.

when they were around 9, they both wanted privacy themselves in the bath.

blue30 · 16/08/2020 10:09

Me and DD would shower together up to when she was maybe 3.5, it started as a practical thing so I could get a shower when she was very young. We’d play little games and have our little routines. That gradually stopped, she just started wanting to have her own shower more and more often which I felt was natural.

She’s 5 now and although I make a reasonable effort to be modest around her it’s never an issue if she sees me naked and vice versa.

akitamiss · 16/08/2020 10:11

I'd never seen my Dad naked growing up. DH never naked in front of our DDs either (not a rule we have, just what he does).

Immigrantsong · 16/08/2020 10:14

OP I am foreign so what I will say is my experience growing up abroad.

We grew up seeing nudity and the human body as nothing to be ashamed of or needing to hide. I appreciate this may not be the norm here, but it did help us grow up without hang ups.

For my culture, the body is seen as functional and nothing to be ashamed of.

However you all need to do what you feel comfortable with.

Dery · 16/08/2020 10:20

“To whatever age all feel comfortable with. It seems your ex is not comfortable with it and that’s fine.”

This.

MynephewR · 16/08/2020 10:23

DH has never been naked in front of the DC's, not even as babies. Getting changed for swimming he does the boxers/swimming trunks switch under a towel. I get changed in front of them and sometimes they briefly see me naked in the morning (I sleep naked if it's hot) but I cover up ASAP. Eldest is 5 so I think I've got a couple more years before I have to worry that it might make her uncomfortable.

I don't remember seeing my parents naked as a child, probably did as a small child though. Tbh I would have felt incredibly uncomfortable seeing either of them naked. We just weren't a "comfortable about nudity" family and I don't intend to be with my kids either as they get older. I'd worry that the DC's would be uncomfortable about seeing us naked but wouldn't want to say so figure it's best to just not put them in that position in the first place.