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Original poster

Dads getting changed in front of their DD?

38 replies

RLEOM · 15/08/2020 18:07

My ex and I are discussing getting changed in front of our nearly two-year-old DD. I'm often naked in front of her whereas he gets dressed turned away from her as he says it's weird for her to see him naked, which is understandable and appropriate IMO.

What is the norm with dad's getting changed in front of their DD? What is the cut off age?

I couldn't really tell if he was annoyed at me for getting changed in front of her, but my mum and my nan were comfortable around me, so I don't really see an issue with it from my point of view as a mother with her daughter. I would love to know what everyone else's view/experience is on this.

TIA

OP posts:

PushyMeez · 16/08/2020 10:33

DH took a conscious decision to cover up around DD when she was about 3.

I'll probably always be pretty relaxed with her, but at some point I will definitely cover up in front of DS (he's 2 atm).

My own upbringing - very close normal family. Saw my mum naked/topless a handful of times over the years, and it wouldn't be a big thing now I'm an adult. Thankfully I have no memories of ever seeing my dad naked! We'd both be absolutely mortified.

TreestumpsAndTrampolines · 16/08/2020 10:38

In the day to day of life my kids see both of us naked - looking for clothes after a shower when we've been too lazy to take the washing upstairs, if they come into our bedroom when we're getting dressed in the morning etc.

Similarly, I saw my parents naked when I was a kid.

Mine are a bit older, and the youngest has never liked anyone seeing him naked (except sometimes when he's in a silly mood and decides to moon us, or join me in the bath), whereas the eldest mainly wears clothes in the house because otherwise the youngest yells at him! So I don't think our free and easy ways have had any effect really, since we have one at each end of the nudity spectrum.

ie. it's not a big thing, and I can't see that really changing ever (well, perhaps once they're adults with partners staying over)

midnightstar66 · 16/08/2020 10:43

At 2 I wound t think anything of either or a mum or sad changing but if her dad prefers to turn away then that's his personal choice. Dd still ran in and out the bathroom while her dad was in the shower when she was 4 but we split up at that age and she didn't see him for a couple of years. In certain now he doesn't let them see him naked (they are 7 and 10) so I guess somewhere around 5 or 6 might be reasonable but all families are different.

JinglingHellsBells · 16/08/2020 10:58

These threads always surprise me.

I've never had my DS walk in on me when I was naked and felt it was 'ok'. If he did come into my bedroom he'd back off if I was getting changed, but in our house we always had the 'knock first' policy which worked both ways.

And DH would always be discreet if he was changing in front of DD .

There was a definite pulling up of the drawbridge on both sides once kids were pre-puberty- they locked the bathroom door or told us not to come in when they were changing, and we did likewise.

thatplaceinjordan · 16/08/2020 11:11

My parents were comfortable with their own nakedness so never 'hid' themselves from us. Happily walk to and from the bathroom naked, leave the door open so others could use the loo etc.
They fully respected my teen stage of wanting to be private.
Dh and I take the same approach, if the kids don't want to see us naked they know not to come into the bedroom or bathroom.
Neither of my young teen girls has a problem with it. They are quite the little feminists and are fully comfortable with their own bodies, will be private when they want and have asked for people to knock before entering their rooms and use the bathroom lock when they want to.
The 14 year old still asks for help with her very long curly hair in the shower.
I have taught them body autonomy from the beginning.

TunaWhite · 16/08/2020 11:12

Dd is 4 and her dad has gotten changed in front of her in the past, but always cupping his genitals. I don't think DD has ever seen a penis.

I'm actually a bit worried about it. I knew at 4 the difference between boys and girls because I shared a bath with my brother and could see we had different genitals... DD has no male family members who are young or close enough for that to have happened, and her dad thinks it's super inappropriate for her to see his when getting changed.

She knows we have a "gina" as she calls it, but she also says "why are you covering your gina?" to her dad so she seems to think men have the same thing has her? I've told her they don't... 😬

TunaWhite · 16/08/2020 11:17

I remember going to a sleepover with my friends when I was about 10, and her mum got up in the morning in a thong with her breasts out, hard nipples and all.
Dont think she realised we were in the front room already

GingerBeverage · 16/08/2020 11:19

Saw mum but never saw dad and looking back, that works nicely for me.

TheSockMonster · 16/08/2020 11:27

My parents wandered around naked until I was a teenager and started making ‘ewww’ faces. DH and I don’t bother covering up in front of our 10 and 11 yo DC. They don’t seem to notice or care yet.

Shortly after DH and I got engaged we were staying at PIL’s house and MIL called me into the bathroom for a chat about the wedding. I didn’t realise until I went it that she was in the bath. She said “it’s ok, we’re family now” It definitely broke the ice and I’ve never once thought twice about sharing a changing room with her or asking her for help breastfeeding etc!

Isthisnothing · 16/08/2020 11:30

I don't ever remember seeing my dad naked. Or my mum really except that she used to sunbathe topless.

My dd is 2 and my husband has been making similar noises, he said he feels a bit bad about showering in front of her as she seems to be staring a lot. She is doing the same to me, pointing at my genitalia and saying bum!

I don't know what the answer is. I'd like her to be comfortable with bodies but I don't want him to feel uncomfortable. He has for daughters from a previous marriage and I certainly don't think there was any nudity in that house. I remember saying to him when she was a baby "are you against mouth kissing?" as he was kissing her cheek and he said "well is it ok with you?" which I found so sad. I know lots of people don't kiss babies / children on the mouth for plenty of different reasons which I respect but I don't agree that it's ok for the mother but not the father.

midnightstar66 · 16/08/2020 11:51

Even at age 2?

willotree · 16/08/2020 12:20

I don't think it really matters as long as everyone is comfortable

Notjustabrunette · 16/08/2020 16:35

My dad used to walk around the house naked when I was a teenager. It’s his house, it’s up to him how he dresses. There was an amusing incident when my now husband came to stay and saw my dad walk out of the bathroom naked. I would have been about 30 at the time!
If my husband’s in the bath the kids (6&3) will sometimes jump in with him.
I guess different families have different attitudes to nakedness!

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