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Original poster

How would you feel if another woman told your husband they had feelings for him?

53 replies

Pollypocket89 · 31/07/2020 17:59

Thankfully this isn't about me personally for those that remember my other thread. A friend and I were talking today about it and her response was different to mine so I was just curious how others would react or feel if that happened to your husband?

OP posts:
VettiyaIruken · 31/07/2020 18:01

I'd like to pretend I'd be all 'cool wife' about it but honestly, I suspect I'd be pissed off.

MizMoonshine · 31/07/2020 18:04

It depends how I find out.
If my partner tells me, I treat her as the problem. I inform him he's to go NC so there can be no leading her on. And, depending on the way she put it forward, I approach her and warn her off engaging with him again.
If I found out by means other than my partner telling me, and he has hidden it, I treat it like any other betrayal. He still has to go NC. She still gets told to fuck off. But I want explanations from him, and full transparency.
I'm assuming in this situation, it's unrequited.

Bunnymumy · 31/07/2020 18:07

I'd wonder how much contact he had had with this woman in order for her to develop feelings.

I mean crushes happen without much input but...we dont normaly confess feelings for people out of the blue.

I'd think maybe he had been flirting with her (maybe just banter as far as he was concerned but...) for a long time or had been aware of these feelings yet not set her straight. At best.

I wouldn't be ok with him continuing to stay around this person.

Mummyshark2018 · 31/07/2020 18:10

I would be pleased that he told me. Then I think we could work through how best to deal with it.

RandomTree · 31/07/2020 18:13

I'd be really pissed off with her. It's totally unacceptable to say that to a married man. I'd expect my DH to step back from contact with her, within reason (I wouldn't expect him to leave his job if she was a colleague).

Bagelsandbrie · 31/07/2020 18:16

If she knew he was married I’d be seriously pissed off. Totally disrespectful.

Bluntness100 · 31/07/2020 18:18

I’d raise an eyebrow and laugh but I trust my husband.

SerenityNowwwww · 31/07/2020 18:19

Depends if it was a mutual thing or if they had been up to something.

Some days I’d say “take ‘im”

LizzieBennett70 · 31/07/2020 18:32

Wouldn't bother me remotely.

You either trust your partner or you don't.

MikeUniformMike · 31/07/2020 18:34

You can trust someone as much as you like, it doesn't mean they won't betray you.

Lilithpaws · 31/07/2020 18:35

This has happened to my friend. She laughed and trusted her husband. She got a bit pissed off when the other woman told her she would look after him when friend died. Friend is 13 years older than husband.

MolotovMocktail · 31/07/2020 18:50

I would think my husband had encouraged her in some way, for her to state her feelings.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 31/07/2020 18:56

Many moons ago DH came to work in same (large) office as me. First all hands meeting, cute, bubbly blonde co-worker sidled closer to me and whispered 'move over. I want to get nearer to that really hot new guy.' I did. Watched her repeat this about 10 times until she was right next to him and smiling broadly. Next day she was oohing and aahing in the lunchroom about how cute he was, and how she was going to make sure they bumped into each other often. Her poor face when someone told her it was my DH. I said nothing. We are still rather good FB friends :)

DH was mortified when I told him though. He almost quit!

Yankathebear · 31/07/2020 19:00

Depends.... if he told me and his reasons for telling me. Also depends on who it is tbh!

lmwghb · 31/07/2020 19:08

I would be very careful as this woman could be a threat to her marriage, if the other woman already knows he married and she has declared feelings then her she has already overstepped the mark, she may be willing to pursue your friends husband.

I think your friends husband should first reassure your friend that he will be clear with this other woman that it’s not going to happen and if she continues to pursue he should be honest with his wife and go no contact. If this is a work place a line manager should be involved to ensure that boundaries are adhered to.

Of course at this point we don’t know the full story and what’s lead up to these feelings, perhaps your friends husband had been confiding in this person and that’s why feelings have developed.

Either way I’d suggest your friend keep a very close eye on things as this sort of situation can develop really quickly and become very messy.

FinallyHere · 31/07/2020 19:41

It really depends on how he reacts. Ex-P would preen and feel as if he had won the lottery.

DH always looks terrified. It happens to him a lot. He is often considered a great listener though I now know that he is just great at reacting sympathetically without actually listening. Women put their head on his shoulder and weep and talk forever.

I leave him to it and usually have a much better time.

YgritteSnow · 31/07/2020 19:51

@2018SoFarSoGreat

Why didn't you just tell her? Were you enjoying seeing her make a fool of herself?

BumbleBeee69 · 31/07/2020 19:53

The fact she felt comfortable/intimate enough .. to share her feelings with the DH... would be a red flag for me... my reaction would be based on his 'alleged' response... Hmm

2018SoFarSoGreat · 31/07/2020 19:59

@YgritteSnow of course I did not enjoy her making a fool of herself!

I didn't really know here then, and was just kind of open mouthed that she'd even try this in such an obvious way, especially in an all hands meeting, where we were meant to be listening! After the fact it was too late, and it would have been even more mortifying for her if I raised it, so I didn't. We discussed it some time later, and she was actually not mortified. She said she'd still go after him if I let her.

myohmywhatawonderfulday · 31/07/2020 20:55

This happened to me. I was really angry and never ever spoke to the woman again. (I worked with her). I thought it was really disrespectful to myself and my marriage.

BumbleBeee69 · 31/07/2020 21:23

I thought it was really disrespectful to myself and my marriage.

damn right it is... Flowers

Original poster
Pollypocket89 · 31/07/2020 21:37

Really interesting reading all the replies!

Just to clarify, it hasn't happened to my friend, we were just having a discussion and she said similar to some here, that you either trust him or you dont

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 31/07/2020 21:41

I'd think good luck
He adores me

BitOfFun · 31/07/2020 21:45

Is anybody else wondering what an "all hands" meeting involves here? Grin.

MorningManiacMusic · 31/07/2020 21:54

Bunnymummy's first sentence sums it up.
Unless the woman is a weirdo with some distant and unrequited crush, there has been some level of contact between them for her to think it remotely OK to declare her feelings.
I'd feel probably even more suspicious if he did the predictable "omg, guess what, there's this woman that I hardly know .." bollocks.