How would you feel if another woman told your husband they had feelings for him?

[Pollypocket89]

Thankfully this isn't about me personally for those that remember my other thread. A friend and I were talking today about it and her response was different to mine so I was just curious how others would react or feel if that happened to your husband?

I would think he’d encouraged her in some way. Women don’t tend to announce their feelings to random men unless they think there’s at least a small chance of it being requited in my opinion.

I would also be very worried as the idea has now been ‘planted’ in his head. It’s an open invitation.
Although I don’t think there’s anything a wife can do at this stage to control the situation, demanding NC is pointless.
If you demand NC you’re already admitting that something ‘might’ happen unless they are kept apart.

@MorningManiacMusic

Bunnymummy's first sentence sums it up. Unless the woman is a weirdo with some distant and unrequited crush, there has been some level of contact between them for her to think it remotely OK to declare her feelings. I'd feel probably even more suspicious if he did the predictable "omg, guess what, there's this woman that I hardly know .." bollocks.

This.

I'd think she was needy and a bit desperate to chase someone that is already taken. I wouldn't do anything. I'm confident in my relationship and my dp knows his own mind. She will never have him because he can't be stolen.

To those saying he must have encouraged it in some way, I can offer a different perspective. DH is a coach in a minority, female dominated sport, giving one to one tuition. Over the years a small number of women have developed inappropriate feelings for him and have felt the need to share that information with him (once or twice) or with me (more often).
He has always told me when it has happened, politely brushes them off and terminates the arrangement.
This also happens to a young friend of mine who is a personal trainer. His situation is different- he’s single so it doesn’t matter much, but neither he nor DH encourages the women. The nature of the relationship is such that some bored, lonely women become over fond of the undivided attention they get during their coaching session and overstep the mark.
I’m used to it and I trust my husband- I’d go mad if I didn’t.

Something (well not very) like this happened to my dh. He was meeting his admin assistant to discuss the next month's events/issues. he suggested they walk across to the starbucks across the road (quite common for 1:1 meetings in the company). On the way there she said "oh people will be talking about us." He stopped and said "no one will be talking about us because there is nothing to talk about and I think we should go back to the office". And they did. I think she just said something unprofessional and stupid probably without thinking but he was certainly never alone with her after that.

@LizzieBennett70

Wouldn't bother me remotely.

You either trust your partner or you don't.

Although I agree with this, I'd be pissed off with her for being so disrespectful towards me!

@BitOfFun

Is anybody else wondering what an "all hands" meeting involves here? .

Yup. Come on 2018, spill the beans. Not a euphemism 😂

Doesn’t it just mean everybody? In our house we say “all hands and the cook”.

He would tell me and we would probably discuss the woman / her behaviour / etc a bit. I am very interested in human behaviour and would want all the weird little details so I could try to work out what was going on with her, etc.

Not sure what he would do/think himself. I mean - if he wanted to shag her, maybe he would? Doubtful though, as he is fairly senior in public sector and it would be a huge huge risk for him. And he hates drama/emotional stuff/politics so that would also put him off.

I suppose I didn't say how I'd actually feel. I would feel interested/curious, I think.

Ha, I too wondered about the all hands meeting!

'All hands meeting'

Nothing exciting! Just means we all have to attend, listen up, and not use it as an opportunity to meet cute guys. Very boring, sorry to say.

I agree with @QueenCoconut, it'd be a rare individual who would declare their feelings for a married man, if they had had no encouragement.

I’d think she was acting in a predatory manner toward someone she knows is taken. I’d be pissed off, because why say something unless you were hoping the feelings were reciprocated?

Predatory? Last time I checked, men aren't prey 😆

Wouldn't bother me remotely. You either trust your partner or you don't

You are SUCH a cool wife. I wish I could be SO cool like you.

Yeah, depends how I find out. I had the case that my partner told me, and from his reaction I could tell this was not a threat.

I do know of another case where the ‚other woman‘ fawned over some DH, even in front of his wife. (I know the story from her). Long story short, he left his wife for OW.

I still think one shouldn‘t fret over this kind of stuff. The reality is DH will do what he chooses to do. Suspicion or distrust won‘t change any of it.

I would lie in bed with him and rib him about how he was such a sexy catch he's breaking hearts.

We would discuss the best approach to put her off. Probably we'd do something joint in order to really give her the message.

I've had this scenario. A colleague of DHs, before we were married, but after we were engaged. She'd sent him suggestive texts when they were on group nights out, and constantly try to sit on his lap or follow him around the bar (it was a big group who often socialised together). She was married, but she and her H didn't particularly like one another.

When it first started happening, he would come home and show me the texts and tell me what she'd been doing. He used to spend a lot of time standing, and moving around every time she followed him as he was only about 24 and not confident to speak up (she was older) as it made him so uncomfortable. One night they were all out and I got a text saying 'please come and meet us in X, she's doing it again'. We lived right in the centre of town so I was there in five minutes. DH was grateful to see me, pulled me onto his lap and I barely left his side for the rest of the night. I went on every night out that she was due to be on after that at his request.
It stopped after her husband left her. She was mostly doing it to be a bitch towards him.

My reaction was 'cheeky cow' and then DH and would laugh at her texts and we though she was pretty pathetic to be honest.

DH and I would laugh that should say.

In hindsight, I think that he'd life with her H had become so miserable, that she just either wanted to feel desired, wanted to show him that other men desired her or simply wanted to stick two fingers at him by saying that she'd found a younger model.

DH wasn't the first person she did it to. However she was raging when he left her for someone else. She was livid that her even looked at another woman. Hypocrisy at its finest there. It was a messed up relationship.

I think I'd feel very differently about that, TeetotalKoala, she sounds embarrassing and I'm glad it was sorted! I mean actual feelings rather than cringe flirting

I’m really surprised people are saying they would “warn her off” do people really do that past the age of 15?

I really don't want to derail the thread as I'm finding it really interesting reading but the conversation stemmed from my dh and a woman he works with and was accused of having an affair with (not true) so my view was coming from that and my friend's was different