Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Photos of ex's

38 replies

Festivalgirl83 · 26/07/2020 18:04

DP of 2.5 years moved in four months ago and we are in the process of buying our own place together. I've noticed on his laptop he has loads of albums, mainly of his daughter over the years which have lots of pics of his ex wife in. They split when she was one but all these photos between his DD being 1 and 5 which is when we met have lots of pics with the ex as well, I know they still had loads of days out and christmases together even after the split. Also he has an album of before they even had kids together at a concert.

I feel a bit uneasy about this, not sure why although I expect I will be told I'm insecure. I have no photos around or in my laptop of me and my exH I wanted to throw all my wedding pics away but my mum stopped me when she said my DD might want to see them one day.

I know people will keep photos that may have exes in, but seems odd to keep them on a laptop rather than stored in a loft like most people!

OP posts:
40andginger · 26/07/2020 18:07

Do most people not store photos on laptops /clouds?
And they are memories
U wild understand if they were intimate photos of her but that doesn't seem the case you can't erase someone's past life
I think you just need to deal with it really

willieversleep · 26/07/2020 18:08

I think most people keep photos electronically now as most photos aren't printed. I also think it's lovely that they will be there for his child down the line. A nice example of co-parenting. Though I understand why you are less keen to keep the photos of your exh (I assume there must be a reason for this).

TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 26/07/2020 18:09

I don't have many 'physical' photos so how would I store them in a loft Confused?

Home42 · 26/07/2020 18:12

I’m well over my ex husband but he was a huge part of my life for 16 years. Photos of all the big events over the last 16 years of mine and my daughters life have my ex husband in them. I have photos up in the house that have him in them. I even have my wedding photo on display. It was a great day and my terminally ill mum looked lovely in the picture so I see no need to throw it away. Not sure if it is odd but it doesn’t feel odd to me.

user1493413286 · 26/07/2020 18:12

My DH has photos of his ex on his laptop; i probably do in my iCloud somewhere as we don’t really have physical photos unless they’re framed. I’ve never really thought too much of it for either of us; those people were part of our lives and if I deleted all those photos I’d be deleting a big chunk of my life.

category12 · 26/07/2020 18:21

Family pictures from that time are nothing to be worried about.

The loft thing is just a bit odd - these are digital pictures, so the place you keep them is a hard drive or cloud.

Just because you wanted to throw away your wedding pictures doesn't mean everyone else has to feel the same. I looked fantastic. And these pictures are from a time with his small daughter as well? Come on, really?

Do you have children yourself?

category12 · 26/07/2020 18:22

I think it would be odder to go through old albums and remove all the ones of the ex.

slipperywhensparticus · 26/07/2020 18:25

I've removed my ex from the photos around the home he is still on the Facebook photos but ones of him without the kids have been deleted 🤷‍♀️ ive not going to keep the ones of us together either

Original poster
Festivalgirl83 · 26/07/2020 18:26

Yes I have two DC myself aged 10 and 8. The photos are with his ex and their DD on days out etc years after splitting which struck me as odd, but again I dont have that relationship with my ex.

OP posts:
SimonJT · 26/07/2020 18:27

You think its odd for a child to have pictures taken with their parents and the parent having a copy.

category12 · 26/07/2020 18:28

They're family shots. Did you get rid of pictures of your kids that have their father in them?

Unless you have current other reasons to think he's still interested in his ex, you're being really weird.

Original poster
Festivalgirl83 · 26/07/2020 18:38

Not weird at all to have pics with his child. I mean multiple pics of his ex with child on days out and holidays long after they've split.

OP posts:
Lucindainthesky · 26/07/2020 18:50

It would be far odder if he deleted pictures of his children just because their mother was in them

category12 · 26/07/2020 19:24

Are you suspecting there was something romantic still going on between them when you started dating, or that you were the other woman?

If it was an amicable split, there's nothing hugely worrying in them having days out as a family, but if you think they were still together that's different.

If the child was small between 1 and 5, then most photos will have a parent in them. Would you prefer he photoshopped her out?

Glitteris · 26/07/2020 19:37

I can't stand my exh or my exdp but I have pictures and albums of our time together because one they are memories and two for the dc's.
it's important for dc's to see you didn't always do like each other.

Plus I'm not getting rid of my history, it happen and when I'm old I can look back. That doesn't mean I miss them

RLEOM · 26/07/2020 19:49

I have pictures between exes and I. If I stumble across them, I look at them fondly, but that's it. They're part of his past, I'd let it go, unless they're sexual.

GCHWho · 26/07/2020 19:50

Absolute non issue.

backseatcookers · 26/07/2020 20:28

They aren't in the loft because they're digital photos. So unless you'd prefer he bought a new laptop for the purposes of saving them, then put that in the loft, it's an odd thing to say!

So you've seen on his laptop that he has these folders and to know for example there is one of him and her at a concert etc... you've had a right good rummage through it haven't you?

mindutopia · 26/07/2020 20:51

I have loads of photos of me with ex’s from before I met dh. I have no other children with anyone but dh (so no dc in these photos). But I did have a life back then! Been with dh for 12+ years. It seems odd to expect someone to erase all trace of life from before you met. Of course he will have photos. It’s a memory of his dc’s life and also his (which is still ongoing even after both have moved on). Nothing odd about that.

If it doesn’t sit right with you, then doesn’t sound like it’s the right relationship for you.

SaucyTrout2k · 26/07/2020 21:05

Both DH and I have kept photos of our exes around. Either on the computer or on social media. They are memories, as long as they aren’t his ex in her lingerie I really can’t understand the problem. His child will love looking back at old photos of the family days out.

Voice0fReason · 26/07/2020 21:06

They've split up. It's great that they are on good enough terms to be able to spend time together. It makes sense that there are photos of these memories. It makes no sense at all to be insecure about them.

Louise91417 · 26/07/2020 21:10

I have pictures of my ex on my phone for 2 reasons...1: if im having a bad day i can print 1 off and throw darts at it 2: if my ds ever needs to put of face to absent dad i will have them to show himHmm

DianaT1969 · 26/07/2020 22:11

If I understand it, he split with his wife when his daughter was less than a year old and entered into a relationship (soon after?) with you. That might make you feel insecure.

Pebblexox · 26/07/2020 22:13

Those photos are memories of his dd. Surely you aren't really expecting him to erase those?
The ex is her mother, she may not have those photos so he can show his daughter.
I probably have photos of me kissing my ex on my laptop somewhere. Dh more than likely has photos of his ex on his iCloud too. I don't care, she's his past I'm his future.

Original poster
Festivalgirl83 · 27/07/2020 14:58

I'm def not the other woman and met him four years after he separated, why must people jump to conclusions 🙄

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread