Am I right to be angry at my partner?

[TTlover]

Hi all. Do I have a right to be angry with my partner here...

I went out for a run for 30 mins and he was at home looking after our 12 week old puppy. He was cleaning the carpet and she jumped up and bit him on the lip (playfully). I came back to my clothes horse mangled and wonky on the floor and he told me he got angry and pushed on it.

I’m really cross with him and said that it is unacceptable. His response is that I’m being over dramatic. I don’t expect to go out for half an hour and see my property wrecked because he can’t control his anger. I’m so cross. What do you all think?

Of course you’re right to be angry

I think if it’s a one off you let it go. If it’s not then you have every right to be angry.

I'd be furious too. I'd also be worried that this is him demonstrating to you who he really is.

The bite will have been painful, and there would have been some reaction, but it seems he deliberately then destroyed your property.

I get angry and sulk, and then I come out of it. I’m never physical. I don’t pick arguments but this one I couldn’t let go.

I'd be angry too, if he didn't try to make things right.

Is it your own home?

I just want him to understand. But instead he is saying that I’m ‘playing the victim’ and that ‘I’m never wrong and I’m so perfect’. His attitude sucks and he will lose me if this keeps on going.

He’s broken things in the past (his property). I’ve always said to him that it isn’t right.

@HollowTalk we share the home.

I think you need to decide if you want to stay with him.
Breaking things in anger is never a good sign.
Have you kids?

No kids. I’m just sick of his moody attitude. it was once a very good relationship but has gone south since we moved in a year ago. Hardly any sex life either.

I’m not ‘up myself’ but sometimes I feel like the grass could be greener... but I’m too afraid to throw the towel in. Admitting to everyone that us and the dream home we saved for 6 years for didn’t work. What would happen to our puppy? It’s just all too much to process.

I still love him but every day that passes I’m losing that respect for him.

It's not normal to break stuff because of an emotion.

Things happen in life that are stressful and painful and disappointing. If he can't handle the small issues he's not going to be much use when something major happens is he.

I will say it's better to get out now than waste another 6 years on a dead relationship.

Hmm. I wouldn't leave him with the puppy again.
You might want to consider whether not being able to leave him with the puppy (as he seems to have difficulty controlling his temper) will have a negative impact on your life.
Would you want to have a baby with someone who can't be left with a puppy without losing his temper?

My feral cat used to bite me hard all the time, drawing blood and one time needing antibiotics, I didn't wreck the house everytime, just cursed silently. I'd be worried that he scared and hit the puppy.

What age are you ? And him?

In my experience breaking "stuff" often escalates to hurting the person (woman) who objects to the stuff being broken. Added to that, there's no way I'd be leaving that person anywhere near an animal. They can't tell you if the person they 'upset' has hurt them in their temper.

If I were you I'd be telling the DP to leave, failing which I'd be taking my puppy and getting the hell away from this man.

Leave.
I’d worry he’d hurt ( already) hurt the puppy in anger and i certainly would never leave him again with it.
Leave him snd start again with your puppy!
There’s no shame, your dp is showing you who he is. Don’t think back to this moment in 6 years time wondering why you stayed.

I think he needs to follow the natural consequences of his actions and therefore replace the clothes airer. Also it sounds like he is struggling to process his emotions, so it all depends if he considers that an issue and wants to deal with it. The are loads of techniques he can try to help, simplest being count to 5 slowly before taking action. But i think your displeasure should be based on how much he wants to change rather than that he has an anger problem.
If he does want to change he will benefit from your support. I think you need to have a serious conversation without the emotions involved and decide together how to deal with it.
It's fine to feel angry, no one can deny your emotions, but you won't feel angry forever and then your logical minds can come in.
Good luck!

Oh and my animals have bit me ( my one is disabled and regularly can bite when scared/doesn’t want meds/claws clipped).
I’ve never once broke anything or took it out on my pets.
If my dp One day did this that would be it, i would not trust them around my animals again

I wouldn't be angry with him but I would be worried about his lack of control.

I’d be worried about the dog if he can’t control himself

If this is what happens when he is left with a puppy, imagine if that were a crying baby.

Please don’t get pregnant with this man.

Don't stay with him
What's he going to break next? It's only a matter of time before you make him angry and he hits you

With hindsight, I should have left my horrible ex the first time he broke something in anger/out of petulance. I can still vividly remember it, and how I felt.

I was staying at his shared flat and we were making carrot and coriander soup. He was supposed to be grating carrots but decided to throw a tantrum about it and snap the grater in two (it was a plane one, not a box one).

I remember being horrified and hiding in his room crying. He later justified it with some bullshit about his it reminded him of some really dreadful job he’d had as an undergrad in a factory and whatever. Turned out that he worked a single shift in the sodding factory and it was all total bollocks.

In hindsight, I should have just grabbed my stuff and left and never looked back. But it was so easy to dismiss it as a ‘one off’.

But, it wasn’t. It took me 10 years to leave, and a great deal of emotional and sexual abuse.

It’s not normal to break things because you’re annoyed. it’s never a good sign. Especially not if he blames you or everything but his own lack of self control for it.