Is my Dad cheating on my mum?

[bananachocolatepancake]

Feeling absolutely sick and confused. I'm back home with my parents for lockdown.

I've noticed my dads been on his phone quite a lot and have caught him being a bit secretive about it. Vaguely worried me but my mum mentioned he'd been on his phone too much and she'd told him he had to tone it down so I thought it was that and put it out of my mind.

I've just come down and seen him on his phone, texting a contact with a woman's name and 3 hearts after it. He locked his phone quickly and put it away as I came over. I don't recognise the name, it's no one I know. I said "what you doing on your phone?" And he told me he was on social media. I couldn't bring myself to go "who's X?"

I feel sick, I don't know what on earth to do. Am I jumping to conclusions? Should I tell my mum? Should I leave it alone??

Leave it alone.

Confront your das first.

Tell your mum, leave the rest to her.

Speak to your dad first then consider talking to your mum I’m sorry you are in this situation it sucks - good luck

Sit back, say nothing...watch a little longer

Tell your mum, leave the rest to her.

Tell her what? The op doesn't know anything right now.

What a horrible situation to find yourself in. He sounds like a right charmer.

Do your parents seem reasonably happy together?

And he’s not being very discreet is he?

Grim. I’d have to confront him, personally. What an awful discovery

@Chatons that's the thing, my dad is (was???) wonderful and they've always seemed incredibly happy. They've been married for decades. I'm already starting to doubt myself because it seems so incredibly out of character

I've just had a panic attack for the first time in months. I feel so so sick

I wouldn't tell your mum in case she confronts him with what you said and it causes an argument, especially if it's not what you think.

I think I would leave it if I was you or tell him you saw kisses by X name and ask him who that was as in a that's looks a bit dodgy way and see what he says and if you don't buy it hint that mum wouldn't either.

Don't doubt yourself. You saw what you saw.

Ask him about it. I wish I had spoken to my dad years ago when I guessed he was having an affair (in hindsight one of many). I will never know if my mum knew as they have both died now.

Maybe your mum knows he's met someone else and they don't want you to find out just yet, perhaps because of lockdown?
It just seems strange that your Mum would tell him to tone it down a bit.

I would be having it out with him as I’m a bit of an arsey git.

I’m not surprised you’re having a panic attack, you poor love.

Might it be someone he works with?

You have no idea what is going on with their relationship

Can you look at your dads phone while he’s not looking or ask to borrow it to look up something as yours is dead ? And have a quick look?

I've been where you are, I found evidence on his computer totally by accident. I kept it to myself for months, but it made me ill and I got to the point where I could barely speak to him. They'd been married 45 years. One day my mum mentioned how she had her suspicions and that she felt he was up to no good, but she had no idea how to find out. I told her, I felt I had no choice. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. She sat on it for months, but eventually had it out with him and they ended up separating. This was 10 years ago now, they both get on well, neither of them now has anyone else, and crucially I don't regret telling her. My dad only ever once said anything to me about it, and although he must blame me in some way, I know the blame lies firmly at his door. I wish to god I'd never found out though.

The difference is I was 100% so I would watch and wait if I were you. Once you are sure then I would tell him what you know and ask him to come clean to your mum himself, he can't expect you to carry that secret, it will destroy you and your relationship with him. Good luck, it's a horrible situation to be in

Tell your Dad you saw the message and hearts and to grow the fuck up or your telling your Mum

Gif op that's an awful situation for you.

I found out my mum was cheating on my dad, trouble was I was 14 at the time and it really fucked me up. I didn't say anything but ended up having to live with it for months. I was so relieved when she said they were splitting up and she was moving out. I stayed with my dad.

I'd be highly suspicious too. If it were me - I'd let your dad know that you saw the message and tell him that he needs to start telling the truth, that you won't protect him and no matter what he says you will be reporting back to your mum.

Your mum deserves the truth either way. If he is having an affair then put the ball into her court and the power to decide what she wants to do.

If it's whatssap then she put the hearts there, not him , if that makes sense. Part of her profile name. Its very childish so she's probably very young but not necessarily an affair

My daughter found out my husband was cheating when she was 13 and it only came out when she was 16. She tried to tell me but I wouldn't listen. It's totally fucked her up. Too much of a burden. It was texts she saw as well.

My son told me about his dad’s suspicious behaviour and I’m really glad he did as I didn’t have a clue and of course it all came out eventually. I’m glad my son told me and we divorced a year later. I think you really need to speak to either your dad or mum