Hi all im needing some advise. So sorry if this is along one
So it all started when i was having signs of endometriosis. I couldn't have sex as i bled and it was painfull my bf would get snappy with me and tell me to get it sorted.
Fast forward lots of test the doctors decided i should have surgery problem was that it was the same day as his works christmas night out. I rang him told him they've yet again changed the date its this Monday. He then shouts fuck down the phone very aggressive and says that my night out. I was like you prick i find out im having surgury in 4 days and your more worried about your night out rather then asking me how i feel about this sudden knews.
Anyway i tell him to go to his night out aslong as hes there to take me to the hospital and bring me home im fine with him going
My family live in england and i moved to study and be with my bf who is in Scotland.
So my mum said shes come up and look after me.
Skip to the day of the surgery. All goes well they dont find anything but im obs in pain.
He stays for a few hours then leaves to go his night out. We spoke and agreed that hes not to be home too late 2am.
Now reason for the cerfew was this
My mum is staying in the building i live in in a seperate room. As i have to take it easy and rest she said she would wait up and let my bf in. Its a fob system these controll the doors as well as the kitchens. We couldnt give him a my fob as we needed it.
So it gets to 2 am and hes not home or texted. I ring him and hes like dont worry im just having a good time ill be back soon and im like well you really need to make your way back now. Hes not listening telling me not to worry hes completely legless.
So my mum phones him and she like you need to either leave there now or make your way back to your own home. Hes not listening to her and is adamant hes coming to me.
My mums getting very pissed she was up the night before with me being anxious cause of my op and now shes waiting up to let him in. He showing no respect for her or me.
Hes like someone will let me in there security. Security only run on friday to sunday not monday to friday. Any way he ends up at my place at 4am
My mum is pissed she thought be would atleast want to be back a but early as ive just had an operation and im in mega pain.
She ends up rowing with him asking him if he has any remorse. He has non he doesnt see what the problem is and try to make my mum feel guilty by being like i wouldnt of gone if you'd told me i shouldnt.
Any way my mum says im going to my room. I end up rowing saying you really think this is acceptable behaviour. Hes like she could of gone sleep and then i would of rang she let me inthen she go back to bed. Im like you serious thats not how you treat my mother who has been by my side all night whilst you've been getting bladder. Not once did u text to ask how i was doing
So skip to next day. I ask if he remembers last night, hes like yeah your mum had a go at me. Im like are you fricking kidding me right now. Hes still doesn't see what he did wrong and said he was having fun with his mates. Hes then playing the woe is me card complaing hes sick and saying he drank to much last night. That everyone bought him drinks and he didnt say no.
So we ring his mum tell her the situation and guess what she took her his side. My bf can do no wrong in her eyes. She babys him.
She also then goes to attack me by saying if you want to nick pick i could complain about how i do nothing round the house.
Ok ill explain this situation
So i see my bf at the weekend friday and saturday he has 2 jobs. One is a machanic and one is a delivery driver. So only way to see him is if i stay at his house on the Friday and Saturday. Due to me being a student im loan of cash and cant afford the money his mother ask for the 2 days i am there.
I also suffer from anxiety which i have been diagnosed with and adhd. I tend to stay up waiting on him till he comes home then sleep in with him the next day. She never complains about him sleeping in only me.
Im always thank full for her making me dinner. I do the dishes after and clean the kitchen. I bring my washing to the house as my accommodation has to pay for the use of the machines. I dont just do my own i will do hers, her husbands and my bfs.
This also includes me hanging it to dry and folding it placing it in there rooms etc.
I keep my bfs room clean i dont leave any thing lying around.
She however expects more from me as payment for them letting me stay.
Im to get up early even if ive been up waiting on my bf. Clean any mess theyve made. For example they go out on most Saturdays so the kitchen will be full of there mess ie there bowls there pans there cups crumbs on the counter. Im to clean up for when they get back. The living room has to be tided cushion put right any thing theyve left lieing around put it away. Im to hoover the living room there room the hall. The back room the landing and my bfs room.
So back to the phone call his mums like well if you want to nick pick will talk about how she doesnt do anything and sleeps in till 12pm
Like i mentioned above i do alot but i wont be a maid.
Im a student and my course is very hands on. I work in theatre and i do lights sounds etc for real shows. So its like having a job. I spoke to my doctor about why i sleep so much and he explained that with my adhd i need to take more breaks and rest as my brain is working over time to complete everyday tasks as well as my more complex tasks at college.
I also dont think its my job to tidy my bfs room. Hes a 24 im sure he can hoover and dust himself. Im there 2 days any mess i will clean that i have made. His mum once came in and i was doing college work. She has a go at me cause last week she had to clean his room and the work surfaces were all black from dust. She gave me a rag and cleaner and said i dont want it like that again she said she doesnt want to hoover his room again and ask me to do it. I explain i was working on college work and shes looks at me and ask what college work the way she was questioning me was like she thought i was lying. I have asked my bf to come to mine but he complains the 20 minutes to get to me after work will cost too much fule
His family are all the same
I once confinded in his sister about my mental health and she said she thought i was attention seeking i also told her about how my bf was using babe station and her replys is no wonder a relationship should be fun and im putting too much pressure on him to take care of my mental health.
I thought a relationship is about taking care.of each other. My mum has sat him down loads of time and said i need more help than normal women due to my disability and if he feels its too much then noone would blame him if he left.it takes time and strength to help me.
I dont ask alot. I need constant reassurance that im pretty/good enough. You sometimes need to sit and listen to me about the same issue time and time again as its stuck in my brain. I hate going to shops that are a 10 minute walk as i struggle to carry it back. I get easily distacted and when shopping can spend 40 minutes doing it as im indecisive.
He has no patients with me my mum said shes starting to see what i was complaing about. He gets snappy with me very easily over the tiniest things.
When we was coming back from the hospital we had to make a detore down a country lane and after surgury the bumps can hurt so you need to take it slow. He was going 60mph and the road had those sharp mini hills. And i asked him to slow down to 30. He told me i was over reacting and carried on with his speed. I also couldn't wear a searbelt due to the wounds. And he was shouting saying i have to wear it even tho the nurse told me not to. He then says his car will beep. As its modern with the seatbelt sensors. He then continues to shout saying im gonna sort it if u fu* let me. He clipped it in behind me.
He could of nicely said he has an idea and what it is ive just had surgury and im in pain scared. Any way he still hasn't apologised to my mum. He wont say anthing to his mum to put things right.
Non of his family will see our side or try to understand my disability.
His mum also said on the phone she feels like hes my carer and that she knows what she'd do if she was him.
Ive been with him for 7 years. Moved away from my family to be with him.
I just dont know what to do anymore
And why he wont apologise and how he cant see what hes done wrong and how his family have treated me.